Cam1 Posted December 7, 2017 Posted December 7, 2017 Long story short: I currently rent a family member's second home. It sat vacant for years before I moved in, and was pretty messy. Things were breaking, and the house had been broken into from sitting empty for so long. From the outside, it's a three bedroom house. From the inside, 1 and a half of those are filled with items, and impassible. I'm incredibly lucky, because the town I live in is notoriously expensive, AND salaries for jobs here are not adjusted for COL at all. There's no way I'd be able to rent a whole home here by myself otherwise. I'm very, very very lucky. My brother uses the garage for his car, and I have a yard for my dog. I'm very lucky. Even when I miss having an SO sometimes, I've never been lonely from living alone (I grew up in a huge family and having peace and quiet finally are really nice). I'm 26, work full time and have for years, and coming home and locking my door after a long day at work is incredibly nice. However, every time someone hears I live alone, they ask if I need a roommate. Or worse, they suggest themselves to move in. I had a (not close) friend ask to move in with me. I said no. Today, I had a guy I use to DATE, who I ended things with because he did not treat me well, but we're on okay terms now, ASK TO MOVE IN WITH ME, and keep his motorcycle in my garage. And one of my close friends, has told me that whenever she mentions to people I live alone, they assume or ask if she's moving in with me next year. That was the final straw. I like living alone, and the only people at this point I'd WANT to live with are an SO, or a sibling or really close friend. Living by myself is great--I can crash pans together at 3 am, decorate/not decorate for Christmas, do dishes when i want, and not worry someone else will leave a stove burner on, leave the gate open and let the dog get out, or eat my food out of the fridge. I am the only one who breaks things here. And I can have a boyfriend or someone over, and not have to worry about other people. And I never wake up to strangers from a bar coming out of a roommates room at 7 am. I feel like I'm suppose to feel guilty I live alone? Am I being the selfish one here, or are people severely overstepping their bounds by asking to move in (granted none of these were emergency situations--if a friend had an emergency they'd be on my sofa, no questions asked)?
GorillaTheater Posted December 7, 2017 Posted December 7, 2017 Am I being the selfish one here, or are people severely overstepping their bounds by asking to move in The latter. It's perfectly okay for you to prefer living by yourself, and these folks asking if they can move in are way overstepping. A larger question may be why you're questioning yourself on this point, why you're feeling guilty about it. 3
elaine567 Posted December 7, 2017 Posted December 7, 2017 A larger question may be why you're questioning yourself on this point, why you're feeling guilty about it. I guess because it keeps happening. OP, stick to your guns. The last ting you need is hangers on taking advantage, because taking advantage is what they would do, if you gave them any encouragement. 2
central Posted December 7, 2017 Posted December 7, 2017 I think you're being completely reasonable. These people are simply trying to take advantage of your good fortune, but you owe them nothing. We wouldn't let anyone move in with us - and typically would not have even when we were single - unless we had the need due to financial or other reasons. You do not want or need a housemate. We wouldn't even let our adult kids move in with us if they needed a place. They have the other parent, or friends. It would be far too disruptive to our peace and privacy. Because they're family, we might help them find or afford a place in dire circumstances - but not with us. 1
Whodatdog Posted December 7, 2017 Posted December 7, 2017 I live by myself (with my puppies). Id rather stick my eye with a fork than get a roommate. I pay all my bills, Ive earned the right to have peaceful enjoyment. And you have too. Enjoy it.
healing light Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 No, no, no. You're fine. These people sound like moochers. Be careful if you ever do let them come in because they could garner squatter's rights depending on where you're from. I've had some of the craziest roommates and there's no way I would want to subject myself to that again if I could avoid it.
todreaminblue Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 certain types of people find it hard to say no in many situations......are you one of them? i am and i often have people move in on me....normally they are homeless people and i cant say no...my ex used too.....say no.....even if i had said ok......he would say no....override me.....because my boundaries are soft.....very forgiving and i try to help others..... saying no sucks..but you need to .....you shouldnt feel guilty when you do and it is people knowing that you are a soft touch is why they feel they can ask you and impose.....and they will continue to ask you....... no gets easier the more you say it.....less guilt feelings behind it and louder...if you add two positives...ok.....you shouldnt have to add two positive affirmations...say no and feel at peace with the no...its your house your life...your right to that no.......best wishes.....lets practice.....NOOOOOOOOOO....HAH....:0) easy peasy....deb
Author Cam1 Posted December 8, 2017 Author Posted December 8, 2017 I guess because it keeps happening. OP, stick to your guns. The last ting you need is hangers on taking advantage, because taking advantage is what they would do, if you gave them any encouragement. Thank you. And exactly this. The first time someone said something, my response internally was, "WOW! Out of bounds!" But the fact an EX would even ask something like that was so out of left field I'm left wondering if I'm the weird one here. I have to add this ex is not homeless--he lives with his parents, who would never kick him out, and have a garage for that motorcycle. He's a grown man who's OLDER than I am. His adult sisters also live within a few miles, if he were really in a pinch, and he was raised in this town, so he should have actual friends to ask. The fact you would even ask that of your ex is beyond me.
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