Is your bf having a good job a really important factor to you?

[Dazedandlost]

I got a decent job but it's 3rd shift and at my company getting 1st shift is hard. But if I leave my job I didn't go to college and no other company offers what my company can for me. So if I leave I may not find a good enough job to support me and my gf and she hates I work 3rd shift and she got a college degree and will become a teacher soon and make just as much or more then I do now.

 

I don't care if she's the bread winner and I'm willing to get a prenup if we get married. I wanna know how important is it that your significant other makes good money or dose just how much you love each other and how much you care for each other deep down the only thing that matters?

 

Could you date and marry a guy that couldn't give you everything you want in life but deep down you have so much in common and love him so much?

Edited December 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

A strong work ethic is worth loads more than your paycheck or the initials behind your name.

[Buriall]

A strong work ethic is worth loads more than your paycheck or the initials behind your name.

 

I love this,

 

my recent relationship with my ex made me feel like an worthless piece of garbage. She made a lot more money than i did however i was expected to be equal how can we be equal when our income is nowhere near match. So i tried to pay her back with doing house chores, gave her rent money, grocery money and plus took her out on dates dinner you name it.. I felt like i was looked down on like a peasant isnt worth anything because i didnt have money like she did. Man i never want to feel like that again..

 

My point is OP, if your partner REALLY loves you money isnt an issue.

[mistycord]

I've dated crappy men who've had high paying, high powered jobs and great men who've worked as bag boys in supermarkets. A strong work ethic is what matters to me, not the size of your paycheck.

[guest569]

I don’t understand what third shift means? Are they late hours? Why doesn’t your partner like it?

[carhill]

Don't date one of those MSF docs who goes around the planet working for peanuts saving lives

 

In my lifetime on this planet, and in my marriage, yes having a good job, preferably one which is quantifiable and sounds socially impressive, helps. However, if the man is otherwise attractive, a job can be an optional factor, except for marriage. After all, that's a legal partnership and such factors are important.

 

OP, do what you do for you. If working third shift is your thing, cool. Graves suck, BTDT but things are always subject to change and it pays the bills. I remember when I'd be out in the shop in the middle of the night doing jobs and when my exW headed off to work she'd be wondering why I was sleeping. Eh, I was out welding and doing machine work while you were sleeping, hon. Maybe visit the shop and see what I do?

[basil67]

I coped with my hubby doing rotating shifts. But that was because we only lost evenings one week per month. Permanent late shifts would create problems if it stopped us spending time together.

 

How much time do you get to spend with gf? Trying to work out if her complaints are legit.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don’t understand what third shift means? Are they late hours? Why doesn’t your partner like it?

 

3rd shift is traditionally something like 11pm - 7am.

[smackie9]

Well yes it's possible. I'm not living the lap of luxury, and I'm ok with that. But I already have a house, my own money and have no priorities like having kids so our situation is suitable to our expectations.

 

So it all depends on the person, personality, expectations, life goals, etc. It's all about compatibility, and how you handle finances. There's someone for everyone.

 

I agree tho, a strong work ethic is at the top of my expectation list. My husband hates unmotivated, lazy people.

[kendahke]

It's more important to me that my man is happy and fulfilled in the career/job he holds.

 

If he's happy working 3rd shift, then I have to figure out how to be good with that and work together with him on getting our together time. If I can't figure that out, then I need to bounce.

[thefooloftheyear]

No....Focus on your looks and body and don't kill yourself....make the woman be the donkey...Guys have done it for long enough now it's about time the tables turned...

 

Ok...kidding aside...(although I am seeing a surprising number of younger guys following this ^^ logic)...In my generation, and in my culture, guys have to be really heavy earners with strong work ethic...I did it, but it does wear you out...

 

Be your own man for you...Because you want the things you want out of this life...No one wants to be dependent on anyone and women are more stingy with their money than guys are, generally speaking, anyway...So earn your money and don't get complacent, but if you are happy enough with how your job is now, don't worry about what she thinks...If she doesn't like it, then that's that...

 

TFY

[Michelle ma Belle]

Speaking as a woman, I'm less interested in a man's paycheck or the number of alphabets he has listed after his name or the number of chachkies he has stockpiled as I am with his character and work ethic.

 

You can have a prestigious job and have loads of cash in the bank but still be a complete d*ck. Maybe some women are good with that but I'm not.

 

Having money doesn't automatically guarantee you to be classy, or have integrity or make you kind or have compassion or understand the importance of morality and ethics.

 

As long as a guy has his sh*t together and works hard everyday to better himself and provide for himself and his family, that's what matters most to ME.

[Els]

You seem to be conflating "good job" with "good money", when they aren't necessarily the same thing. "Good money" can be part of a "good job", but there are other factors too, like what the future prospects are, how happy/fulfilled he is with his work, job security, etc.

 

At any rate, you should do what you want to do. You'll find a compatible woman. Don't change core parts of yourself (assuming you're actually happy with them) just "to find a woman", because the woman you'd find by doing that wouldn't be compatible with you.

 

The clear question is: Are YOU happy working 3rd shift (I assume that means night shift) at this job for the rest of your life?

[Ruby Slippers]

Could you date and marry a guy that couldn't give you everything you want in life but deep down you have so much in common and love him so much?

What I've always wanted most in life is true love, and that has nothing to do with earning power. I've had relationships across the spectrum.

 

Different women have different priorities. Many are more practical and won't consider men below a certain socioeconomic position. Others like me value other qualities more than money.

 

The simple fact is that for a man, higher earning power will give you access to more women. But if a woman is looking for money over the man, I think that's a bad deal for the man in any case, so it's nothing to concern yourself with or strive for.

[Sara1989]

Honestly I would want him to make a modest income, to me that would be £22k ($29000) so not a lot! It would not bother me dating someone who earned less than me as long as he had a strong work ethic.

 

Most women I meet are the same, it is usually certain type of woman who is after a guy with a high income but the guys they attract know this and are happy to play the role so its up to you with what type of women you want.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Strong work ethic is very attractive, more so than money.

 

I would be very turned off by someone who is rich through say an inheritance and chooses to lie around on a couch all day

 

I also like ambition and if someone is working a student type of job in his 30s and 40s, I would not think highly of him.

[Imajerk17]

I got a decent job but it's 3rd shift and at my company getting 1st shift is hard. But if I leave my job I didn't go to college and no other company offers what my company can for me. So if I leave I may not find a good enough job to support me and my gf and she hates I work 3rd shift and she got a college degree and will become a teacher soon and make just as much or more then I do now.

 

I don't care if she's the bread winner and I'm willing to get a prenup if we get married. I wanna know how important is it that your significant other makes good money or dose just how much you love each other and how much you care for each other deep down the only thing that matters?

 

Could you date and marry a guy that couldn't give you everything you want in life but deep down you have so much in common and love him so much?

 

To answer your *specific* question: If she is *already* your girlfriend and you and she have been talking marriage, then you should be *way* past needing to get opinions from random women on a message board on the importance of their boyfriends having a "good" job. Instead, your girlfriend should be reassuring you *herself* that she admires your work ethic and that high income or no she loves you and wants to be with you regardless (and that her main issue with your job is that she doesn't get to see you enough due to you working opposite times from each other).

If your girlfriend already HAS told you the above, then you need to let this go OP.

 

To answer the *general* question posted in your thread title in the hypothetical sense, no you do not need an impressive job title and salary to attract a great woman--for the type of women you really want to be with, it is really more about work ethic and being able to make enough to support yourself, than about anything else.

Edited December 7, 2017 by Imajerk17

[carhill]

Another factor for the OP's specific situation is that he doesn't have a college degree and his GF does. Regardless of intelligence or earning potential or work ethic, sheepskins have perception attached to them as an achievement. OP, how does your GF view your lack of college degree?

 

Be aware that mating is one of the most freely discriminating and discriminatory acts humans engage in and, basically, all the rules you deal with in everyday life, especially those surrounding fairness and logic, are out the window.

 

In my demographic it's more about 'lifestyle' and the man's ability to maintain or provide the lifestyle. Nah, they don't talk about it but selection definitely takes that into consideration. Seen it for decades and men who lose their grip, even if temporarily, risk the shredder. Why? Life isn't fair and basically your girlfriend, or wife, doesn't owe you her company. It's optional and they decide exactly how and why they stay or go and, one day, a 'good' job might not matter to them but the next day it could very much matter and into the shredder you go. Heh.

 

How do things go for your male friends and coworkers? What's their take on the 'good job' thing?

[Dazedandlost]

I coped with my hubby doing rotating shifts. But that was because we only lost evenings one week per month. Permanent late shifts would create problems if it stopped us spending time together.

 

How much time do you get to spend with gf? Trying to work out if her complaints are legit.

 

We get friday night's every other saturday night and once in a while 1 week day in the afternoon she lives a hour away

[jjgitties]

I've dated crappy men who've had high paying, high powered jobs and great men who've worked as bag boys in supermarkets. A strong work ethic is what matters to me, not the size of your paycheck.

 

Don't lie. It's the size of their...

[mortensorchid]

Most of the guys I have been with don't want to be the bread winners of their households. Or they say they do but they end up not being. An old bf / longtime friend now is married with two little kids, his wife works and he stays home with the kids. He talks about how he feels like less of a man because of it. But... It doesn't change on his part. I don't know. I work like a slave most days because I have to. But I do think we have done something to ourselves on this gender roles switch and it's not good.

[jjgitties]

Ha. Thats a very interesting question op.

 

How old are you guys?

 

Just because GF has a college degree and *might* get a full time job with benefits as a teacher .. does not mean she will be "rich". It just means she will have a good stable well paying job. She will still be far removed from doctors lawyers and bankers and that income level.

 

I believe there is a hidden invisible social class definer in modern society. People tend to hook and and marry within their social class. Some new immigrants take it a step further and marry within their culture and social class. I think if you are both in the same social class, whether you make 10 or 20k less per year really doesn't make or break it.

[ly399]

I don't want to say good paying job, but I do have to say on par with me. If I am McDonald cashier, a janitor is good enough for me. If I am a rock scientist, I want to date a professor. If I am a corporate lawyer, I probably want a hedge fund manager husband. It's all relative. As a girl and someone who want a family, having a decent paying job is probably needed to raise a family.

[jjgitties]

I don't want to say good paying job, but I do have to say on par with me. If I am McDonald cashier, a janitor is good enough for me. If I am a rock scientist, I want to date a professor. If I am a corporate lawyer, I probably want a hedge fund manager husband. It's all relative. As a girl and someone who want a family, having a decent paying job is probably needed to raise a family.

 

Yeah. This! ^^^

 

And this is one of the reasons why young people hook up early. When you are young, it doesn't matter if your BF or GF is a cashier in McDonald's or a golf buggy cleaner -- you are in love because of the person and you have no material expectations of the other person because you yourself don't have much either. As you age, you get pickier and yes, the expectation that the person has a certain type of job and income pop up on the list.

[todreaminblue]

i dotn care what kind of employment a guy in my future has just that he loves what he does.....that he is happy where he is and if he isnt i would try to motivate him and support him in finding something he does love and is happy doing i fthat means cutting corners and expenses so he could study to get what he needs to do what he loves to do then yes...i would support him in achieving everything he wanted.......something at the end of the day he is happy to come home to me and share his day with me.....what he earns isnt my concern.....my concern would be his happiness....and ultimately that is what i would hope to share with him at the end of a work day..o would hoe that eh woudl eb th esame way back...i want to get a job...btui to do what i really want to do ...i will have to get degrees

 

i dont care if the guy i am to be with .....works as a janitor.....its not a money thing with me..its a happiness thing .....deb

Edited December 8, 2017 by todreaminblue