I broke up with my girlfriend and have a hard time moving on...?

[sobieh]

Hi everyone. I know it might be a bit long but I'm having a really hard time and would greatly appreciate any objective input.

 

So I was with her for 1 year. We're both 26. Everything was going great until 3-4 months in we started having problems. We both made mistakes and we’ve been on and off a few times. We somehow managed to move past all of that and we fell in love. It’s then when we got intimate, she couldn’t get intimate with someone she didn’t feel she could love. We went on our first holiday, buying each other gifts, going out and all of that. Things were going really great.

 

But eventually the problems started happening again. She had these moments where she didn’t want to speak to or see anyone. Her mom even told me that she’s been like that and was acting the same way with her sometimes. Many times when I wanted to communicate and share something with her she was either not in the mood to talk or was too tired. She started changing her opinion, one month we were talking about living together, the next she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted. And these things made me resentful. Until 2 days ago I had enough. We bought a birthday present for her moms birthday but she gave it to her before her birthday, alone. For my moms birthday, I let her keep the present so she could bring it and give it to her herself. This wasn’t the scenario with her mom. Her response was that she saw her at the train station and her mom asked her what she bought and she just wanted to make her happy and gave it to her in advance. What about me? Didn’t I want to make her mom happy as well? Didn’t I want to be a part of that and to see her reaction and smile? Her reasoning was that I was overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal. First time we gave a present to my mom we did it together, and for her mom she didn’t it alone. We also didn’t have sex for probably around a month and every time I brought it up she wasn’t in the mood to talk about it (the lack of intimacy). I was trying to reason with her for the last time and work on the problems but all I got was: I don’t know, I have nothing to say, Do whatever. So I broke it off.

 

It became obvious to me that we were on different pages and it was not going anywhere. She didn’t want to communicate at all and small important things in a healthy relationship she started brushing off like they were nothing. In the beginning however she was all about the little things.

 

There isn't another guy involved (her bff is also one of my closest friends as well) but there was something holding her back sometimes. Her parents are divorced and she had a tough time and also suffered a lot from a previous relationship but sometimes things were perfect, and then the opposite. It seemed at times that she only wanted to treat me as her boyfriend at her convenience. However, despite of everything, I still love her and she brought so many good memories and joy and happiness into my life. I miss her like crazy and I'm having a hard time understanding why I feel confusion and doubt about breaking up with her. Deep down I know it was the right thing to do but it's difficult...

 

I sent her a letter today explaining that we're both to blame. I have a part to play as well in all of this and I don't want her to only blame herself. I said that I cherish all the light she brought into my life but because of all the same arguments we had and breaking up and getting back together several times, I got tired of it. That her behaviour and attitude made me feel unwanted and unattractive to her, which made me more frustrated. And when she didn't even want to communicate with me I had the feeling she'r rather do anything else than spend time with me. I explained that all of these things kept pilling on since we never actually sat down like adults to talk over the issues and deal with them, we simply kept "forgetting about them and moving on". But it was obviously a mistake... Everything that we went through played a big joke on us and that's why we're here. I said that I'm not proud of starting fights with her out of anger regardless of her behaviour and hurting her and make her doubt my intentions and feelings and no matter how ashamed and sorry I feel, words alone cannot fix that. We both need time apart to become better and heal from all the damaging moments we've had. She once said that this 1 year sometimes felt like 10 and she was right. Maybe we're just not right for each other or maybe the timing wasn't right. I said that in the future who knows what might happen but for now we need to not be together because the same cycle would've continued eventually, just like before... until we started hating each other and hurting each other on purpose. It was a very difficult decision to make since she's the first girl I have ever fully allowed myself to fall in love with... and even though I know I did the right thing under the circumstances, a part of me hopes that we get back together someday and things will be better... Although I don't know... it's very confusing.

[HumanMachine]

26 and using the phrase ‘bff’?

 

Getting that upset over her giving her mother a birthday present?

 

You really shouldn’t have sent that letter.. lord