nirvanax90 Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 Hello world. I am a little baffled by a message I received this morning. I will try my best to express on a full scale more or less what happened between my ex an I. Our relationship ended nearly 5 years ago, we were madly in love and even discussed getting married. It was the type of relationship where i guess you can say we created memories that will be with us for ever. Anyways our break up wasnt infedility or any betrayel of any kind it was just at the time we were still young and in university. She also lived abroad and was offered a great job opportunity and obviously things started changing between us. She wanted to continue being with me in a “long distance” relation with me because she told me she loved me and didnt want anybody else in her life. I took her for granted and decided to block and ignore her calls. I was very hurt but at the time i didnt see any purpose on going on with her. Sometime after our break up i would write her emails to check up on her and she would reply very briefly but wouldnt go into conversating with me. Eventually she told me that she was seeing someone and wouldnt be able to reply back anymore. I decided not to bother her anymore and kept on with my life. Her last message was about 7-8 months ago. This morning i woke up to a message she sent me through facebook simply asking “are you happy?” Even though theres nothing much to decipher here i dont know why she would ask me that? Shes never started a conversation ever since our break up so i have been intrigued. Any suggestions on how to manage this?
Frostedflake Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 Ignore it and block. I know you've got a lot of "what if's" running through your mind right now, but stop for a moment and rationalize. She hasn't contacted you in months. During that time she was testing waters with other people, doing God knows what, and didn't reach out to you once. Some of these things you might even find unforgivable and would struggle to get past if you guys toyed with the idea of a second chance. Also, she's asking if you're happy because she's not. You are her Mr Fix-It go to. That is not a good thing. She will either discover 1) She hit you up out of panic and the problems you broke up over are still there for both of you. 2) She's not sure how to make herself happy without heavily relying on someone else. Do you really want that responsibility? Comes with a side of bickering and "you never say the right thing!", guaranteed. Jokes aside. I really, really suggest you ignore the message and keep on keeping on. You're already ahead. Don't get pulled back now. 5
Buriall Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 OP leave the past where it belongs. Don;t confuse yourself with this mind *****ry message. She hasn't contacted you for months, what gives now?? Like forsted said DONT GET PULLED BACK NOW. 1
SpecialJ Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 If you want to respond briefly to see what she wants, I see no issue with it... you can say something to effect of, "yes, life is going good! but is everything okay with you?" You broke up with her initially because you didn't want to do long distance with no end date and you were both young... that's entirely reasonable. She didn't want to engage with you much after you did that because you hurt her and she was trying to move on. Now it's five years later, and there are some what ifs but don't assume anyone is rekindling anything -- you shouldn't even assume it necessarily even has to do with you. She maybe went through a breakup (or perhaps her most recent boyfriend proposed), and she's trying to assess some stuff. So, again, keeping that in mind, do you want to know what she wants? Then respond and ask! 2
Author nirvanax90 Posted December 7, 2017 Author Posted December 7, 2017 Ignore it and block. I know you've got a lot of "what if's" running through your mind right now, but stop for a moment and rationalize. She hasn't contacted you in months. During that time she was testing waters with other people, doing God knows what, and didn't reach out to you once. Some of these things you might even find unforgivable and would struggle to get past if you guys toyed with the idea of a second chance. Also, she's asking if you're happy because she's not. You are her Mr Fix-It go to. That is not a good thing. She will either discover 1) She hit you up out of panic and the problems you broke up over are still there for both of you. 2) She's not sure how to make herself happy without heavily relying on someone else. Do you really want that responsibility? Comes with a side of bickering and "you never say the right thing!", guaranteed. Jokes aside. I really, really suggest you ignore the message and keep on keeping on. You're already ahead. Don't get pulled back now. In all honesty thank you for your responses, it does help me comprehend and view this from a different perspecttive. I couldnt help but to reply to what she asked me because of our past. I was feeling very emotional and felt like asking her. All i said was “hi, why do you ask?” She replied the next day “no reason, just curios ” . After reading all your replies ive decided that the best thing to do here perhaps is to continue on with my life. Theres no point in trying to comprehend a person who is not direct about their feelings... 2
Captivating Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) I think she misses what you guys had ... and maybe trying to figure out whether you feel the same way ? It's hard to be direct about this right away, don't you think ? Or maybe she is going trough hard times and remembered how happy she was with you ... Nirvana, you need to follow your heart, not what anyone is saying up here ... having zero insight and feelings about what you two had. I am hopeless romantic, so if you both want to be together, I don't see a problem rekindling , perhaps the timing is right this time. Edited December 9, 2017 by Captivating 2
SpecialJ Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I think you did the right thing. You didn't play games. If she has something real to say and you don't respond to her cutesy answer, then she'll eventually reach out again. If she doesn't, it probably wasn't anything strong enough to rekindle anyway. Don't worry too much about it and live your life 2
alterest Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Ask you one thing: Do you want her back? If you do: Take that bait and see what she wants. If you don't: Ignore. There's no reason to overthinking what is her reason, cause none here knows. Only her. You have to know what YOU want. And if you don't want anything with her (back together, friendship, so on...) so you overthinking about a pointless thing. 2
Highndry Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 Ignore it and block. I know you've got a lot of "what if's" running through your mind right now, but stop for a moment and rationalize. She hasn't contacted you in months. During that time she was testing waters with other people, doing God knows what, and didn't reach out to you once. Some of these things you might even find unforgivable and would struggle to get past if you guys toyed with the idea of a second chance. Also, she's asking if you're happy because she's not. You are her Mr Fix-It go to. That is not a good thing. She will either discover 1) She hit you up out of panic and the problems you broke up over are still there for both of you. 2) She's not sure how to make herself happy without heavily relying on someone else. Do you really want that responsibility? Comes with a side of bickering and "you never say the right thing!", guaranteed. Jokes aside. I really, really suggest you ignore the message and keep on keeping on. You're already ahead. Don't get pulled back now. I completely disagree with this given the OP's situation. Your advice is best for a dumpee whose dumper contacts them with this sort of breadcrumb. The OPs situation is entirely different in that HE was the dumper and she had wanted to continue the relationship. I think the OP did the right thing, questioning why she asked. It was straight to the point, kicked the ball right back into her court. 3
CupCakess Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I completely disagree with this given the OP's situation. Your advice is best for a dumpee whose dumper contacts them with this sort of breadcrumb. The OPs situation is entirely different in that HE was the dumper and she had wanted to continue the relationship. I think the OP did the right thing, questioning why she asked. It was straight to the point, kicked the ball right back into her court. I agree with this. In this case, its fair to note that the relationship also ended mostly because of long distance, which is usually a death sentence on every relationship. It didn't end because the relationship was "bad". Also, like Highndry stated, the OP was the actual dumper. The reason she didn't respond to his e-mails, was because the OP's messages seemed like breadcrumbs to her. I think its most likely she never got over the break-up, but didn't try to get back with the OP because the long distance would have still been an issue they could not have gotten past, thus the reason why she didn't respond and tried to move on. OP, I would respond to her and see what she wants. 2
Been Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I don't know but it seems like a little bit of a game. She asked a broad question that could be answered in many different ways. She could have stated she isn't happy and wants him back BUT she didn't. She seems more curious then genuine. 1
Marc878 Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 It's the time of the year. Everyone gets nostalgic at this time. Holidays coming up, etc. If there was anything more you'll know in time.
Author nirvanax90 Posted December 10, 2017 Author Posted December 10, 2017 I agree with this. In this case, its fair to note that the relationship also ended mostly because of long distance, which is usually a death sentence on every relationship. It didn't end because the relationship was "bad". Also, like Highndry stated, the OP was the actual dumper. The reason she didn't respond to his e-mails, was because the OP's messages seemed like breadcrumbs to her. I think its most likely she never got over the break-up, but didn't try to get back with the OP because the long distance would have still been an issue they could not have gotten past, thus the reason why she didn't respond and tried to move on. OP, I would respond to her and see what she wants. Hello everybody. I have been reading every response on here with lots of attentiveness and and it just keeps clearing my mind on how to handle this. I strongly believe that ive been very distracted by her random message do to our intense past and lovely history between us. I dont think this has happened to me before with other women ive dated, i usually dont let these things bother me. She has been taking her time to reply back but after 4 days of her initial message she replied. To her “no reason, just currious ” message i replied “yes i know because you dont write very often” to which she said “yes i know because i had a boyfriend” It seems like her relationship might have ended and now she is single. Was she just simply trying to say hi? Or could there be more to this? As of now i am also single and i would of course be interested in connecting with her again as we never had a “bad” relationship. Of course at this moment i can only take things slowly, its been so many years since we had a genuine conversation. I just never expected her to reach out ever and now this.
HumanMachine Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 The majority of women are unable to be single.. they need male attention.. she’s playing games with you to see if you will bite, she’s probably doing this with other guys as well. You’re nothing to her any more. 1
Author nirvanax90 Posted December 10, 2017 Author Posted December 10, 2017 The majority of women are unable to be single.. they need male attention.. she’s playing games with you to see if you will bite, she’s probably doing this with other guys as well. You’re nothing to her any more. I see where you are coming from but if i were to have this mentality I would probably be alone and nobody wants to be alone.
Marc878 Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 Hello everybody. I have been reading every response on here with lots of attentiveness and and it just keeps clearing my mind on how to handle this. I strongly believe that ive been very distracted by her random message do to our intense past and lovely history between us. I dont think this has happened to me before with other women ive dated, i usually dont let these things bother me. She has been taking her time to reply back but after 4 days of her initial message she replied. To her “no reason, just currious ” message i replied “yes i know because you dont write very often” to which she said “yes i know because i had a boyfriend” It seems like her relationship might have ended and now she is single. Was she just simply trying to say hi? Or could there be more to this? As of now i am also single and i would of course be interested in connecting with her again as we never had a “bad” relationship. Of course at this moment i can only take things slowly, its been so many years since we had a genuine conversation. I just never expected her to reach out ever and now this. Time will tell but I'd let her do the intiating. If you chase they move away 1
Art_Critic Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 How does it feel to be a second choice or after thought ? The holidays coming up with her recent breakup is making her think of filling the lonely void with you. If that is what you are after then by all means keep up the contact but honestly stop the cryptic texts without spilling it. Tip toeing around it isn't going to change the outcome. If you still want her then have it out with her, spill the beans and she does the same.. if you don't then tell her to stop contacting you.
alterest Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 Man, she talked to you only because she and her bf broke up. She is doing that cause she wants a ego boost and looking for that on you. Perhaps she wants to be with you but come on, you are going to be a spare person to her. She probably was with him at the time you both are together and now she want to have any relation with you just because she is no longer with him. Don't do that to you, don't back to that kind of madness and non-sense thing. Think about you and your own sake, have anything to her again will bring what good to you? Probably nothing.
HumanMachine Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I see where you are coming from but if i were to have this mentality I would probably be alone and nobody wants to be alone. You need to be stronger. Sorry to be blunt but ‘man up’, do not let this woman treat you like this. Focus on yourself; don’t be that guy that women can check in with when they have nothing better to do, be the man that is chased. If you aren’t happy in your own company how do you expect other people to be happy? 1
Author nirvanax90 Posted December 10, 2017 Author Posted December 10, 2017 You need to be stronger. Sorry to be blunt but ‘man up’, do not let this woman treat you like this. Focus on yourself; don’t be that guy that women can check in with when they have nothing better to do, be the man that is chased. If you aren’t happy in your own company how do you expect other people to be happy? Treat me how? She was reaching out to me i dont think shes insulted me. She’s being responsive to my questions.
alterest Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 Treat me how? She was reaching out to me i dont think shes insulted me. She’s being responsive to my questions. She is being responsive only because she are no longer in a relationship and need a ego boost. She tried to put you in her net again and you don't know why she is doing that. If you do love her, wait until some more concrete approach (Like: I miss you and I want to back to you), if you want only her friendship and no longer have any love with her and you are ok being friend, so do it. But if you expect to back together with her and talk to her waiting for it, it never going to work and you only rewind to square one of your pain. You don't need to be rude, but you don't need to be there to her. Only answer her questions but not the private one (like: Are you dating?) and don't get her much attention. I'm saying that to your own health. I know how much pain something like that is, cause it happened to me some years ago. 2
Author nirvanax90 Posted December 10, 2017 Author Posted December 10, 2017 She is being responsive only because she are no longer in a relationship and need a ego boost. She tried to put you in her net again and you don't know why she is doing that. If you do love her, wait until some more concrete approach (Like: I miss you and I want to back to you), if you want only her friendship and no longer have any love with her and you are ok being friend, so do it. But if you expect to back together with her and talk to her waiting for it, it never going to work and you only rewind to square one of your pain. You don't need to be rude, but you don't need to be there to her. Only answer her questions but not the private one (like: Are you dating?) and don't get her much attention. I'm saying that to your own health. I know how much pain something like that is, cause it happened to me some years ago. Very wise words. Perhaps sooner then later i will know the outcome of this. Perhaps its just a reaching out of ego boost as you said, or maybe its a feeling inside her that still thinks about me. I dont know anything right now but i know her well enough to say that if she really wanted to talk seriously she would. She goes out for what she wants, shes a confident woman who is very sure of herself. Even if we dont make plans of being together again I would glady be her friend but theres a saying that says where flames once were the ashes remain.
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