How soon to know if he's The One

[Tinie]

I've been seeing this guy for around a month. We're in love with each other, and he's the most amazing man I've ever met. I feel like everything I've ever wanted in a man, and then some, he has (which is unbelievable to me because I never thought I'd find the man who had all the qualities I was looking for). He wants me to move in with him in 6 months, and eventually marry him.

 

Is this too soon? I get this feeling in my gut that he's the one. I've never felt that way about any of my exes.

 

Background: I'm 25 and I've been in 4 relationships before, the longest of which was 13 months. I've never been in love with any of my exes. He's 34 and has been in 1 relationship before, which lasted 7 years. He never fell in love with her (but hoped it would happen).

 

ETA: How soon did you know that your spouse was the one? How long did it take you to figure that out?

Edited December 3, 2017 by Tinie

[somanymistakes]

Statistically, people tend to be in their Madly In Love phase for around a year, sometimes more, sometimes less. When you're in the Madly In Love phase, you don't have good judgment. Your brain may overlook warning signs by telling you that you're so absolutely totally in love that those things don't matter. Even if you want to be rational, if you're in the full chemical rush of the honeymoon phase, you can't be. Your thinking is compromised.

 

That doesn't mean that your relationship is bad. It just means that you don't know for sure what you're getting into because you're not thinking straight. People who meet each other and "just know" right away and get married may find, when the rush wears off, that they have made the BEST decision and married the perfect person and everything is great.

 

They may also find out that all those little things they thought were no big deal suddenly are, and realise that they rushed into a relationship that now has serious problems. Not necessarily insurmountable ones, but they may discover that the relationship is going to be a lot more work than they thought it would be.

 

Personally I would suggest you shouldn't marry anyone until you've been dating for a year and a half, but moving in earlier than that is fine.

[Mysterio]

My stanace in the one thing is this. No pregnancy or living together until yar 2 of being a couple. That way you have a better idea of who you are as a couple, instead of a honeymoon thing around your brain.

 

No on on this board can say if you have met the one. Maybe a 70 to 90 yr old who has a lot of life experience could. Even then. What is the one.

 

Is the One, someone you never have conflict with. Is the one someone where everything is good.

 

My buddy S met his Wife in 1988. Married her in 1997 and had three kids with her. They are now separated. He told me he has moved on and is with a woman since srping basically. I would have said that his wife J is the one. Now not as much.

 

Are my parents the one. They met in 1968, married in 1969. Had me in 1971 and my brother K in 1973. They are still married. Are they the one with each other. I would say not.

 

Don't get bogged down with who is the one or not. Technically for me. If I had to assess the one as being someone where everything works out. Then thats my brother. Maybe a couple of my friends.

[Mysterio]

AFter your second yr as a couple. If you want to move in. I would say that would be a better choice. Also. No pregnancy as well. There is no rush right.

 

For me. My timline is going to be. A couple for 2 yrs. Then an engagement and marry in yr 3.

 

If kids are in the picture between us. Then its yr 4. So that means if I meet a special woman. I could be a father by 50. I really don't want kids, but if we click that well and have been together for a couple of yrs. Who and I to deny that to her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 months is about when the real people start to emerge. 7 months is about when you know for sure if it's something worth pursuing long term. "Through every season" is a good rule of thumb before making a big decision like moving in or getting engaged.

 

1 month is definitely too early to know!

[Guildford]

I believe you should move with caution before making a lifetime commitment to another person, but also you should not wait too long before getting married. While the best of relationships cool over the years, if the relationship is right you should get married while you are still passionately in love, don’t wait until the relationship has turned into a strong fondness for each other.

 

My mother says that she decided she would marry my father the night they met, but it took a while to convince my father of that move. They had a long and reasonably happy marriage. My wife told me a couple of decades into our marriage that she decided during our first hour-long conversation that “he’s the one.” She did not tell me ‘the one what’ but I’ll leave that to your imagination. My wife and I had known each other for just under a year when we were married, and we have now be married and acquainted for half a century. It has been a good marriage.

 

If it is right then get married, don’t wait five years and then decide, “Well maybe we should get married.” If you decide to move in together, that is fine, but if you really want to get married and raise a family, then set a deadline when the marriage will take place.

 

You cannot go through life making sure that everything is perfect before making a decision. Sometimes you must make a leap of faith and hope that your judgment is good.

[RecentChange]

The stats say the hot fire will fizzle and burn out....

 

Think Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire

 

That said.

 

When I was in my 20's I met a man and we both fell hard. Like you - we felt awe struck that we met someone who was everything we had ever hoped for, and things we didn't even know that we desired.

 

We exchanged "I love yous" after about 6 weeks.

 

Moved in together after 7 months (probably would have been sooner if I didn't have to finish college first)

 

That was over 16 years ago. Marriage was never a priority, but we did tie the knot! 14 years after we met, and still very much in love.

 

Yes it was all rushed, and foolish, and all heart no head, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[jjgitties]

He could be the one. You need to ask Yoda the Jedi master.