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Initiated no contact, did I do the right thing? should I ever break no contact?

Torch

By Torch
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Torch New Member

Torch

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New to the forum, thanks for reading and any advice. I was taking a girl out for most of the summer. We were both 21 and she was from a smaller town, quiet, sweet and kind. Seemed to me she was less experienced with guys/dating than most girls I would date. Hit it off well and every time we would go out and do something different and spend the night together at her apartment, she told me she was a virgin the first night. early off she asked where it was going and I told her I was attracted to her and looking to have fun and make as many memories as possible but not necessarily anything serious. i remember her sighing and saying she was glad we talked about it bc she was considering becoming a linguist in the military. this was surprising and really early on so I was just supportive of her goals I want her to find where she wants to be/do. I also had some goals I was still working towards.

 

We continued to hang out (bars/movies/food/games) and spend each night together, roughly once every week and a half. I felt really good with her, good sex and she would take my hand and hold me all night. on the 4th of July was actually the first time we had sex, she wrote me a long message thanking my the next day wanting to get together. I remember thinking, this is great!

 

The day came where we went out for the last time and I said my goodbye face to face in the morning, saying she's been an amazing girl and I knew we'd probably date other people, I said I wished she was staying but I said it from a position of confidence and walked away feeling good with no plans to reach out

(I had to let her be free i wasn't her boyfriend). BUT I ended up getting a letter from her while at basic training, and we wrote 2-3 back and forth. she got out of basic and since she wrote me the letters i texted her and suggest we get together again when she's able to come back home from school. she agreed and weeks later I texted her again and told her specifically we should meet up and she should come back to my city and spend the night.(I always went to her place 45min away) then she responded "meeting up sounds fun! but to be honest we should hang out as friends blah blah I enjoyed our time before but I'm more interested in a friendship now. hope you understand" and I told her "not interested in being friends I want more than that with you. but if you change your mind let me know. wish you the best ____"

Her: Hope the best for you too

Me:wherever you end up stay safe! Thanks for the blissful memories

Her: Thank you! Right back at you!

 

 

In another week it will be one month no contract. sometimes I'm wondering if I did the right thing. I got a good paying full time job that will afford me university out of pocket so I'm about to go do that. this was a really good girl I'm thinking she won't reenlist since I know two former linguists at my job who turned down their second enlistment and bonus.

 

it was hard but I keep having the "illusion of action" thinking I should text her and tell her how much I want her, all of her, and thats why we can't be friends but I do like spending time with her but I can't let her keep me on back up. she's so nice though and I just keep feeling like I have more to say. I am getting some new stuff going in my life though. Bigger plans. It's up to her to get back to me now.

 

Your 2 cents?

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted

Do not contact this woman.

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

Posted
Posted

What exactly do you want from her? Do you want to date her or do you want to just keep hanging out and having sex?

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Torch New Member

Torch

Posted
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Posted

I wasn't looking to lock her down, and officially date. though if she brought it up, I would go ahead and try to work out a LDR. thats only if she arranged that. I think I would like that, but I really can't bring it up myself. I think really all I wanted was to continue hanging out and hooking up, having fun like before.

 

When she gave the friend speech and said meeting up sounds like fun I take it as friends/no kissing/no holding hands/ no sex. i mean I don't think she would put such an emphasis on that if she was going to come sleep with me again, she would have said something along the lines of "we can spend the night but we are just friends" and i'd probably be like yeah we are

 

so thats why I responded the way I did.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

You chase they move farther away.

 

Keep a lid on it

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springy Established Member

springy

Posted
Posted

Listen to what she is saying. If you only want a buddy then by all means reach out again. I don't think even that will amount to much, because it sounds like a standard easy letdown "you're so great but..." speech. She hasn't reached out in all this time. She has moved on. Not much time was invested, so I think you should too.

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LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

Posted
Posted

Ok, sounds to me like she's trying to protect herself from catching feelings (and potentially getting hurt).

 

The situation you guys had is something that should be short term I think. I don't think it works well if you prolong those kind of situations. Someone will end up catching feelings.

 

I think you have 3 options - either propose to date her, be her friend or leave it be and move on.

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Torch New Member

Torch

Posted
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Posted
Ok, sounds to me like she's trying to protect herself from catching feelings (and potentially getting hurt).

 

The situation you guys had is something that should be short term I think. I don't think it works well if you prolong those kind of situations. Someone will end up catching feelings.

 

I think you have 3 options - either propose to date her, be her friend or leave it be and move on.

Is there anything in particular that makes you think she's protecting herself? I thought she was tearing up when I said my goodbye our last morning but really i'd think I would have gotten more from her after.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

It sounds to me like she found someone else.

 

Or you were reading more into your short time together than you thought.

 

Either way she made it plain there Is no relationship expectations but you like most don’t want to believe her.

 

You’ve told her all you need to. She’s not interested

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Torch New Member

Torch

Posted
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Posted
It sounds to me like she found someone else.

 

Or you were reading more into your short time together than you thought.

 

Either way she made it plain there Is no relationship expectations but you like most don’t want to believe her.

 

You’ve told her all you need to. She’s not interested

Going to stay in no contact for sure

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

Posted
Posted

@Torch

 

Because like I said, one partner tends to develop feelings when situations like this are prolonged. You said you only want to hook up and have fun. She'll only get hurt if she ends up developing feelings for someone who doesn't want to date.

 

You clearly don't want to be her friend so you have two options left. I think you shouldn't overthink things. If you really like her then propose dating her and see what happens. If you don't, you'll always wonder "what if".

 

If you don't like her that much, then just move on. No big deal.

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