Fair Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 (edited) Met another potential online date but since I screw up so badly need to ask if you think this is beginning well... or not. We exchanged about five or six ? messages online within the past two or three days. He started asking a ton of questions in his first email... not overly personal... but to do with what I'm looking for in relationship... blah, blah, blah.. but after I replied just once he was 'floored' by how much we think alike... kept sending emails with more light questions, but tons of them... now in three days... or two? can't remember... he gave me his phone number. I did something I've never done before and gave him mine in the very next email. The second he got it he phoned... it went to voicemail because my phone picked that moment to die. So I haven't talked to him yet... but wonder if this is going too fast? He did say in his profile he doesn't want to chat forever online and so on... but, something doesn't feel right. I don't know what it is, but wonder if it's only my own basic distrust of people. Maybe it was the last email he sent.. the one with his number in it, suggesting he'd like to get together quite soon as well... Is this a red flag? Part of me feels like this guy is trying to dive head first into something very fast. He's been divorced a long time, has had two relationships since but is now looking for someone to marry. Do you think I should be concerned by the pace? I'm not used to men moving so fast online ... what do you all think? I wonder if it was the way he was seemingly so overeager to say that everything I said in response to his questions meant we think and feel so much alike in his opinion, that has me worried. Edited December 2, 2017 by Fair
basil67 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Here's a thought: return his call. Meet him. See how it goes. 1
Author Fair Posted December 2, 2017 Author Posted December 2, 2017 Here's a thought: return his call. Meet him. See how it goes. Thanks. That doesn't help me figure out why I feel like something isn't right already, though.
joseb Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 What do you mean by moving too fast? You haven't met yet. Online chatting is nothing, it's just a way to arrange to meet. And that should be done quickly. If he is asking you to move in with him or meet his parents, then yes, he's moving too fast. If he is just arranging a first meet/date, how can that be moving too fast?
Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 (edited) <snip> Do you think I should be concerned by the pace? I'm not used to men moving so fast online ... what do you all think? I wonder if it was the way he was seemingly so overeager to say that everything I said in response to his questions meant we think and feel so much alike in his opinion, that has me worried. Overeager???? You're looking to go on dates, right? He's giving that opportunity. What's the difference if you meet him out and about and asks you for a date or if a guy asks for a date from online? This is overthinking to the highest degree. From OLD, you don't want to chit chat online for a long time only to be disappointed when you finally meet. You get it over with. Meet him for a short meet up, a couple of drinks or coffee and evaluate whether you are interested in a real date. Edited December 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Part of me feels like this guy is trying to dive head first into something very fast. He's been divorced a long time, has had two relationships since but is now looking for someone to marry. The fact that he wants to talk on the phone and meet soon is not a red flag. Many, many people are like this. They just don't want to waste time on weeks and weeks of messages and want to see if you click/have chemistry. However, maybe there are other things he says/something in his profile that makes you think he's very eager to meet and get married? He probably thinks it's a little weird that you texted him your phone number, then didn't answer when he called right away because obviously you had your phone right there in your hand. 1
BaileyB Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 He does seem a little over eager... Not in the way that he wants to talk on the phone, but because he is quick to assume that you are well matched. But, try not to read too much into it. The important thing is that you do what YOU are comfortable with... If it's too soon to meet or if you don't feel good about it, don't meet. You have complete control here.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 OP, There are those who truly are more interested in meeting sooner than later. It is a little unnerving if you already have suspicions of people's motives, but I am very much like this guy. Okay, once we've shown some interest via online, why not just meet? You can find out much more by meeting face to face. You gave him your number b/c you are interested and he is following through. Why do you feel a little uncomfortable? Well, I don't think anyone here can truly help you with this. What he's doing is not uncommon.
act00 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Personally, I would not find the pace unnerving. I'd rather meet sooner over later. Rip off the Band-Aid, so to speak. If we connect well online, I'd like to meet in person quickly and see how it goes in person. Keep that momentum going. I've been involved in perpetual texters; they never seem to want to meet, and I'm done with that. No meet, no text.
carhill Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 OP, can you nail down exactly what made you uncomfortable? Some samples: That barrage of e-mails A flurry of questions His apparent immediacy of response Something isn't setting well with you and that's OK. It doesn't mean it's him, or you. Something about the particular interaction makes you uncomfortable. If you had to outline a scenario that would leave you comfortable and positive about this, what would it be? 2
caveman621 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 When I was OLD I preferred meeting sooner rather than later. Meet in person at a very public place. Then figure him out. I there's no chemistry, block and forget. Although, since he has your phone number not as easy. But don't give him your address!
joseb Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 What do you mean by moving too fast? You haven't met yet. Online chatting is nothing, it's just a way to arrange to meet. And that should be done quickly. If he is asking you to move in with him or meet his parents, then yes, he's moving too fast. If he is just arranging a first meet/date, how can that be moving too fast? I wonder if it was the way he was seemingly so overeager to say that everything I said in response to his questions meant we think and feel so much alike in his opinion, that has me worried. This i would keep an eye on though. Wanting to meet up is fine, but I can see why maybe you feel he is forcing things with the above comments.
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