rightondude Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 In the past, when I first started dating after my divorce, I couldn't understand how I was ghosted a couple of times after what seemed to be such an incredible start ... the magic meeting, the awesome sex, the long conversations, the awesome sex ... surely she felt the same about me. So why isn't she wanting to see me again??? Well, I have moved on to the other side. I've been with 3 women over the past month I've met from OLD (tinder and bumble). We had great dinners. Long conversations. Great sex. But afterwards, I have had no desire whatsoever to continue anything further. I don't know why but I can't fake it. Yet these women are texting me non-stop, telling me they'd "LOVE to see me again" and suggesting events to attend... Months ago I would have (thought I would have) killed for this. But none of these women have the whatever I'm looking for apparently. I'm wondering if it's possible that if a woman shows too much interest in me, I lose interest because I can't understand why they would have that much interest in me. Self esteem much? But then when a woman ghosts me, I wonder how she can't see how good I'd be for her. I mean, I've got it going on! What the hell... Sorry for the random self indulgence. Any advice besides shut up loser?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 My only advice is to stop having sex so soon. I creates a false sense of closeness. Get to know one another first. In the words of "famed" (lol) match-maker Patti Stanger, "no sex before monogamy!" (It is good advice, though....) 1
staggerlee71 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 your divorced so I assume your late 30's plus. what your going to learn is dating and starting a relationship is not the same as when you were young. its not just love babies marriage. its two people who are completely confused as to what to look for, knowing that in a year or two, the honeymoon is over. everyone is a little smarter, or at least thinks a little harder
Highndry Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Because subconsciously you've lowered their value since you've already had sex with them. The conquest is over. That's why I'd rather take it slow with a woman I want as a long term partner. I'm not talking old-fashioned slow, like put a ring on it, but I'm also not fond of the banging her on the first date thing.
Highndry Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 (edited) My only advice is to stop having sex so soon. I creates a false sense of closeness. Get to know one another first. In the words of "famed" (lol) match-maker Patti Stanger, "no sex before monogamy!" (It is good advice, though....) Argggh, you beat me to it! And I'm a guy. Sex too soon will oftentimes really diminish attraction. There's nothing to build up to. Edited December 2, 2017 by Highndry 1
staggerlee71 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Argggh, you beat me to it! And I'm a guy. Sex too soon will oftentimes really diminish attraction. There's nothing to build up to. except cautiously was coming from the point of view of sex confuses feelings, not a challenge that came too soon 1
Author rightondude Posted December 2, 2017 Author Posted December 2, 2017 Argggh, you beat me to it! And I'm a guy. Sex too soon will oftentimes really diminish attraction. There's nothing to build up to. I'm not in disagreement with either of you and I am going to take a break from both OLD and immediate sex if offered/agreed upon (well, as much as I can resist), but I would say in the cases in which my feelings have been un-reciprocated, the sex was near immediate and I immediately wanted more. So I'm not sure it's all about the conquest; rather, just being really turned on and then not having feelings for the one I was with afterwards. I think I'm doing too much pursuing when I want someone and my lack of pursuit gets the ones I don't want wanting me more. But having sex too early in either situation is not making either situation better.
Author rightondude Posted December 2, 2017 Author Posted December 2, 2017 your divorced so I assume your late 30's plus. what your going to learn is dating and starting a relationship is not the same as when you were young. its not just love babies marriage. its two people who are completely confused as to what to look for, knowing that in a year or two, the honeymoon is over. everyone is a little smarter, or at least thinks a little harder you got that right brother. Or, everyone's jaded, gets what they can, then gets out without much regard for the other.
Recommended Posts