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Was I in the wrong

Loverxxxx

By Loverxxxx
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Loverxxxx Member

Loverxxxx

Posted
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So I met this guy Brian. We went on one date and have been on a weekly contact via text and phone for the past month or so. The other night we shared some pretty flirty messages and were trying to figure out or schedule to meet again. Last night a “random” girl added me on social media. Immediately I noticed we had a mutual friend “Brian”.

 

Now, I’m under the impression that this girl is not just some random girl. I sent her a message and asked her if I knew her to see if she had something to say and no response, so I denied her request. She addded me again , so I told Brian a mutual friend is requesting to follow me. I showed him her name and he said he didn’t know why she was requesting to follow me. There is a picture on his instagram of a group of people. And she is included in it and I asked about that. He got defensive right away and didn’t want to talk about it... i needed up messaging her and telling her my connection to him.

 

He then contacted me telling me I’m starting problems and telling me I’m hurting her and this entire situation is my fault. To my readers.. how is this my fault? I’ve been cheated on before and if it was me I’d like to know the truth. And I always believe honesty is he best way to go. I messaged her with no intentions to hurt her by any means, but to just give her the respect and honesty. She was looking bc she had an idea.. and I clarified.

 

It’s done with him and I, but I truly feel like I did no wrong in this situation. Oh and he’s saying I’m assuming things and they aren’t together? I call bs.. this whole situation I did not ask to be in nor do I want to be involved in and I feel like ****..

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rightondude Established Member

rightondude

Posted
Posted

I don't think you did anything wrong. This woman followed YOU. You didn't seek her out. You simply asked why and now Brian is pissed at you for "starting stuff?" Oh no Brian, it is the you who started something here big boy...good luck with sorting it all out.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

This is, IME, normal dating, with the scary addition of social media, which is why I don't use it.

 

Expect people like Brian to be dating you and dating others. Back before I got married when I was dating women, they were dating me and other men and having sex with other men (they said) because, well, that's what one does when one is single. No one is committed or married and they like sex so there ya go. However, they didn't go broadcasting it to the world because, yup, social media was gossiping at the water cooler at work or in the checkout line at the store or in the chair at the beauty salon.

 

A guy one lady is dating doesn't like her to know he's dating another lady, or wants to, or did. It's called not kissing and telling. He doesn't owe anyone complete transparency and, for that matter, neither do you. Date multiple guys and enjoy them and they don't need to know about each other. You might find one who you commit to and then drop the others. That's how it goes, for some anyway.

 

If you're an open, one person at a time dater, cool. Those other folks are incompatible. Accept them as such and move on. Good luck!

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act00 Established Member

act00

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No, I don't think you did anything wrong. It was strange for her to make the friend request in the first place, which alone is a bit of a red flag if she couldn't respond with something like, "Oh, sorry, I thought you were one of the high school alumni friends." (or something along those lines) I had a friend request once from a woman who was mutual friends with a guy I was actively texting and trying to date. I asked him about it, and he said they went to high school together and doesn't know why she would friend me, and judging from other mutual friends, this was the case...a high school connection, and she thought I was one of them. Honestly, I have no idea if there was some sort of "thing" going on with these two, but it seemed like she was just friending people she thought were part of the "old gang" based on other friends in her group.

 

Your guy got defensive and angry upon your inquiry, and that alone is a red flag. I suspect this "random woman" (girlfriend?) saw this new friend addition her boyfriend made, and it's some hottie, so she friended up because she suspects her boyfriend is messing around, if even only through text.

 

Something isn't adding up. You don't see each other, but text...only once a week? What are your demographics? Do you live far from each other? I guess this is neither here nor there, the reaction to you writing how you know this person or what the connection is created some major drama with this guy...you have no idea if this is a begrudged ex (let's be friends), a girlfriend, or a psycho crush/follower, and you created drama by trying to clarify who this person is and why you want to add them to your friend list...drama that is not worthy of your time. Red flag avoided...good job, OP!

 

No, I don't think you were in the wrong.

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Loverxxxx Member

Loverxxxx

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Waking up this morning , I still feel uneasy and terrible about everything? Idk what the relationship is or what but obviously there’s something bc the girl would not reach out for no reason? Should I text him and say something like, “ I’m sorry how things went. If youre up for it can we talk. I honestly meant no wrong and I was trying to the right thing. I had no bad intentions.” Or should I just drop him and let it go

act00 Established Member

act00

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Gawd no. Why do you want to continue any communication with this guy? There's something really off about the whole situation. You should in no way be apologetic or feel the need to take this on as some fault of yours, and I question why you even want to maintain any contact or potential relationship with this guy. Definitely let it go.

  • Like 2
kassy Established Member

kassy

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The whole thing is weird. Definitely don't contact him again or reply to him. Just move on.

caveman621 Established Member

caveman621

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I would recommend no more contact. Or, what is it you're looking for? If you are a "one guy at a time" dater, I don't think he's a "one girl at a time" dater. If you're OK with that, then OK. If not, I wouldn't date him again. I don't think you did anything wrong and the fact that he reacted so quickly and negatively tells me he's trying to make it your fault that you caught him. He's feeling guilty so trying to turn it on you.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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It’s done with him and I, but I truly feel like I did no wrong in this situation. Oh and he’s saying I’m assuming things and they aren’t together? I call bs.. this whole situation I did not ask to be in nor do I want to be involved in and I feel like ****..

 

The guilty always make the most noise.

 

You did nothing wrong.

 

You don't have to assume anything. Human nature never changes and she's acting like a possessive orbiter who thinks she's got something with him and she's sizing you up and flexing on you to let you know that he belongs to her. If she was just a friend of his, she wouldn't have sent the friend request.

 

Also, he refuses to cut her off and he was quick to defend her over you, who he's been pursuing. There's more going on there than he's admitting.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Waking up this morning , I still feel uneasy and terrible about everything? Idk what the relationship is or what but obviously there’s something bc the girl would not reach out for no reason? Should I text him and say something like, “ I’m sorry how things went. If youre up for it can we talk. I honestly meant no wrong and I was trying to the right thing. I had no bad intentions.” Or should I just drop him and let it go

 

No. Leave him alone. He's messy a.f.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

He's involved with this other girl and she suspects you are somehow involved with him. You told her what's up, she confronted him, he's in the dog house, his plan foiled. he turned it on you that it's your fault for his troubles with her...jackass. Dump this chump.

  • Like 2
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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So she reached out to you first and you are getting blamed for the whole thing essentially? I don't think your stuff was non-dramatic but what you can take from this is that when faced with having to choose, he has chosen her and that tells you all you need to know about where you stand with him. (Also one date a month ago and just some texts are telling!).

 

Whole thing is super messy, agreed! Walk away, don't contact him in any way and be grateful he's out of YOUR life. Good luck

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