Eumon Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 (edited) Hi All, It's the first time that I post on a forum like this, but I feel that I really need to talk to someone. My ex broke up with me about a month ago after a 10 year relationship, during which we were inseparable, we lived together from the start (shared house, then a flat), moved abroad together and even did a year of a long distance relationship, during my student exchange at uni. We had a fight during our holiday 6 weeks ago and he decided that we fight too much and don't love each other anymore. It was followed by two weeks of suspension and finally break up. During those two weeks I tried talking to him to patch things up, but he didn't want to give me/us a chance. He couldn't really tell me that it's over and he refused to talk to me about the situation in general. The only thing he had guts to do is to change his Facebook status. Then he basically forced me out of the place we lived in (on a day we paid the rent as well) and I stayed at my friends house for a month. Today I am moving into a new place and I am absolutely terrified of being on my own. I have anxiety thinking about sleeping alone and that now I am really facing a life without him. I am in a lot of pain, because it all came out of the blue and before our trip we were talking about buying a house and just planning a future together and he told me that loves me nearly everyday for the past 10 years, and even on the trip. It's all so shocking tbh. I am not hoping to get back together anymore and I am not sure if I would like to after what he has done, but I am just afraid that I won't cope without him as he was my best friend, my rock and I feel like I am loosing someone very precious. Is there anyone here experiencing similar issues? Sorry, it's all a bit chaotic and there is more detail, but the gist is that I am scared of the future and the everyday life without him. Thank you. Edited December 1, 2017 by Eumon 2
flightplan Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 We invest a lot of time and energy in finding reasons to hold on to people because of the perceived security it brings us. We're scared to see whats ahead when our familiarity disappears. The simple fact is, the changes you're going through will show you how to be comfortable with the unknown and gain strength with the constant evolution of your life. It's necessary so that you can grow. You will never be the same... and that's a good thing. Accept the fact your pain is going to linger for a while. Don't try to avoid it. You will find your why when you say goodbye to your familiarities and embrace the change in your life. 3
DannyCA Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 I've come to the conclusion that people don't necessarily miss the person, but the way that person made them feel. Everyone needs to know how to be comfortable being by themselves, how to be self-sufficient, and confident on their own. Unfortunately the most common and arguably best way to do this is to have a significant other whom you love dearly break up with you. 10 years is such a long time and I can't even imagine how you feel right now. But this experience is going to make you the absolute strongest you have ever been in your entire life. But the catch is you aren't going to get there for a very long time, but that's ok. I promise the end result is going to be so worth it. I just hope you take it day by day and don't give up 1
chinadiary Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 Yes. I was dumped 2 months ago, after an 11 year relationship. I'm devastated. I know how you feel. I'm trying to stop contacting him, but I frequently fail when I'm feeling desperate.
Author Eumon Posted December 2, 2017 Author Posted December 2, 2017 Many thanks for replying. I'm still trying to piece my life together and come to terms with all of it. It's one third of my life that we are talking about and I definitely did not envision myself being, where I am right now at this age. It fells that I am back to square one in many ways and it's both scary and infuriating. I miss the security, but I miss him as well, as a person. I'm desperately trying not to contact him and not beg to come back, but I still need to keep in touch because of the practicalities. It's all on my shoulders, because he just doesn't care. It's very hurtful. The worst part of it is that he has not tried to contact me once to see, if I am ok or if I found somewhere to live - just out of decency and respect for the times that we shared. I would want to know, that he is doing well, if it was me, who broke it off. All I get is a cold indifference. It breaks my heart.
MarkTorr Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 You are not alone, I will pray for you, i am going thru it too.
trueluV Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 I can imagine how devastated you are, and hurt from his indifference, how cold he is to you now. 10 years is a long time, I can't imagine that. it must be really tough going through this on your own, almost betrayed by the person you trusted the most in this world. I've been in a 5-6 year relationship, including a 4 year long distance after living in the same country, moved to his country to be there, planned to get married, met each other's parent's and all that, but now, without any sort of closure, I feel like things have ended with him...he hasn't read and ignores my text, and I wonder if this is the same person who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me just a month ago. so though we are in a different situation, I can somehow feel your pain. I feel lost and confused with my emotions, if it's anger or disappointment, or sadness, or all of it together. and I'm sure you're questioning a lot and lost too. hang in there. we just need to keep going on with our lives...one day at a time. go out, walk around, cry when you want to.
jolenesmith Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 Hi All, It's the first time that I post on a forum like this, but I feel that I really need to talk to someone. My ex broke up with me about a month ago after a 10 year relationship, during which we were inseparable, we lived together from the start (shared house, then a flat), moved abroad together and even did a year of a long distance relationship, during my student exchange at uni. We had a fight during our holiday 6 weeks ago and he decided that we fight too much and don't love each other anymore. It was followed by two weeks of suspension and finally break up. During those two weeks I tried talking to him to patch things up, but he didn't want to give me/us a chance. He couldn't really tell me that it's over and he refused to talk to me about the situation in general. The only thing he had guts to do is to change his Facebook status. Then he basically forced me out of the place we lived in (on a day we paid the rent as well) and I stayed at my friends house for a month. Today I am moving into a new place and I am absolutely terrified of being on my own. I have anxiety thinking about sleeping alone and that now I am really facing a life without him. I am in a lot of pain, because it all came out of the blue and before our trip we were talking about buying a house and just planning a future together and he told me that loves me nearly everyday for the past 10 years, and even on the trip. It's all so shocking tbh. I am not hoping to get back together anymore and I am not sure if I would like to after what he has done, but I am just afraid that I won't cope without him as he was my best friend, my rock and I feel like I am loosing someone very precious. Is there anyone here experiencing similar issues? Sorry, it's all a bit chaotic and there is more detail, but the gist is that I am scared of the future and the everyday life without him. Thank you. I am jolene Smith and a dating expert, I am fascinated about online dating. I am here to offer my wealth of experience, Tips, ... Maybe you both need to stay apart from each other for a while and later he would realize how important you are to him
Author Eumon Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 (edited) The situations are not the same, but I believe that the pain that we are all going through is. I feel utterly betrayed by him. Especially, that everything was fine. I find his behaviour puzzling and really confusing. I keep going over it in my head over and over again, there is nothing else that I think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep and then so more because I dream of him too. I am caught between sadness and anger, longing for him and the desire not to think about him ever again. It's exhausting and I can't switch it off. It's always there. The pain is not as desperate, but iit feels heavy. I regret my mistakes and would like to turn back time. Now that he is gone I truly see what I have lost. It's just too much. I honestly doubt that he will try to come back, he would have done it by now, I think. Plus he is a very stubborn man, so that would probably hold him back. I don't want to hold in to hope either, as devastating as it is I think it makes it more difficult in the long run to hope for any reconciliation. Also, how long do I wait? It might never happen. I don't know what to do to make this pain go away. Edited December 3, 2017 by Eumon
alterest Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 Can't imagine your pain. My current ex broke up with me after 11 months of relationship and my world shattered in million of pieces and I cried for two entire weeks. Don't know if I can handle with something bigger than that. But for you, I guess you can't do much right now. I like to write a letter and send to my exs putting in their hands the control of the situation, but that is cause I never break up so it is pointless to me to get control of that situation. Anyway, write a letter, be sincere, polite, and say everything you want to say. After that, go full NC and improve yourself. You can't change someones mind, you can only change what path you want to follow, sometimes people change their mind and want to reconcile, sometimes not. I'm the kind of guy who go into the deepest hell if it means recover a relationship, but I don't stay there to keep a broken relationship. And if the other person don't want to stay with you, why you would stay on a sad place? It's hard a lot to recover from that, but you have not much options. If you keep talk to him, you only push him away and away. Give him some time to think, if he really doesn't want to reconcile a 11 yo relationship, you have no options, only be strong again and move on. I'm really sorry for you, I only can imagine what you going on now and it makes me sad, cause it's worst then the hell i'm passing by right now (not to save anything, but moving on).
Author Eumon Posted December 8, 2017 Author Posted December 8, 2017 Well, I am still hoping that he will come back. Very stupid, I know, but I cannot help it. I think about this all the time. However, I know that the odds are against me and I see that he cut me off completely. I gave him a decade of my life and treats me like this. Some of my friends just say that he is not ready to face me, others say I should let it go and some others say that he will regrets one day. I just don't know. He told me so many times, that I am the love of his life, his everything, he will always love me. He did a lot for me over the years. All of this just does not add up. The issues we had were fixable, I just wished that the communication was better on his part, before it was too late.
Author Eumon Posted December 8, 2017 Author Posted December 8, 2017 ... Maybe you both need to stay apart from each other for a while and later he would realize how important you are to him I honestly don't know how long take would him. It's been two months now since the trip and the fight. I think, he would have changed his mind by now. I just can't believe that I lost him, over stupid fights...
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