Violetstar Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 First off, he NEVER cheated on me. I'll try to make this short. He is 20 and I'm 25. We were coworkers when we first started dating. he never had a gf before and was a virgin when we met, and he was SO F'N sweet to me. At the beginning. He started to throw these parties which I could never go to because I worked on Monday nights, and he'd invite coworkers and i was not comfortable partying with a bunch of 19-year-old co-workers. From there, The issues began. He gained popularity with these parties and he became unbelievably cocky at work. He bragged about "getting me" because I was out of his league. But it didn't bother me until he started openly flirting with female co-workers, particularly one that he followed around like a puppy, just like he used to follow me around at the beginning. I was incredibly angry and jealous, And I was too scared to mention anything Because he had a big mouth, And I felt like he would tell everybody that I was jealous and insecure about this particular girl. I knew he would tell her or someone. So I kept it to myself. I had to watch him from my station flirt with her for hours and I never said a thing. UGH. When he'd throw parties, he would get so drunk and high he wouldnt respond to my messages until the next AFTERNOON. And he would barely respond. I NEVER trusted him during these parties. My coworker would spy on him for me and he didnt cheat but he did dance with girls, flirt with girls, and I caught a girls phone number on a piece of paper in his bedroom which we got into an enormous fight about. These parties, and having me, got to his head and blew up his ego. BIG TIME. He chose his fake partygoing co-workers/friends over me on 2 occasions, leaving me alone, to party with them instead. The minute he got fired from work, I dumped him. He begged for a second chance. BEGGED and CRIED. And I loved him so I did it. Over the summer, we had a lot of issues because he lied about smoking weed. He was doing it the entire time when he said he quit. He said he was saving up for a car which he NEVER WAS. And he was never seriously looking for a job because he was high all the time. it was CONSTANT FIGHTING. He was never serious about his life or about us. And I caught him lying about small things Various times. I went through his text messages which I never did before, And I found messages to that one particular girl, Where he was BEGGING her to come through To his last party. I could tell he was drunk. He was telling her that he made her favorite playlist, And she kept telling him that he lived too far for her. I feel that If she came through he would've tried something on her. And when I checked the dates, It was three days after he begged for me back. RECENT STUFF: We broke up for the 2nd time and stayed friends. The moment I started to date someone else, he suddenly got a job, a car, and enrolled in classes at community college. I helped him with the interview and enrolling so he's not lying. Now he's asking for a 3rd chance. I can tell that he's matured a lot. His coworker/friends stopped coming around once the parties stopped. I stopped coming over after our 2nd breakup. So, hes been alone for months to consider things. I still do love him. But I'm scared of getting my heart broken again. So, i cant tell if hes just lonely or if hes serious this time. It took him 5 months to get serious and change. And I want to be with him But I Get angry when i think about the lies. Am I an idiot? Should i give him another chance or forget him?
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 There's no way in hell I would have given him a 2nd chance, let alone a 3rd. If you do give him another chance then you will be kicking yourself because there's a very high chance that history will repeat itself. 2
Andy_K Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 He'll be just the same again when the opportunity arises. He lacks maturity. You can either learn this the hard way or move on now.
bachdude Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 I think you’d best let him go...for good. Anyone can get their act together for a short period of time when it hits them they screwed up. It’s quite another to make lasting changes. I think your time would be better spent taking time off from dating to think about why you stayed with him initially for so long while he treated you essentially like dirt. With so many guys out there why risk it? And frankly, I wouldn’t be so confident he stayed on the straight and narrow at his crazy parties, especially giving his flirting and text message you found. You are WAY too nice. And he took advantage of that. 1
Zahara Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 You seem to be making clear that he NEVER cheated in order to appease your own fears. Flirting with other women, getting their numbers, and even begging to get with them are very strong indicators that you're wrong. Maybe it's time for you to accept the reality of who he is. In any case, read your other threads too. Much too many red flags - a third chance would be absolutely foolish on your part. Create higher and better standards for yourself. 2
stillafool Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 From what you have written, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how you thought you guys were "together". Maybe there is a lot you left out. I just see a 20 year old guy doing what 20 year old men do which is chase girls and party. I don't see where anything about any quality time you spent with this guy that constitutes a relationship. No don't give him another chance because he's too young for you and is just beginning his party life. I normally wouldn't think a 5 year age difference is a big deal but with this guy it is. He will end up hurting you over a younger girl.
scatteredmusician Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 I don’t know, he is young and some posters have mentioned he is doing what young guys do. However, my reservations would have to do with his level of integrity. I don’t think that is a quality with an age limit, and you have to wonder what your level of trust should be with someone who has demonstrated in many ways that he is untrustworthy. Did he ever make you feel valued, loved, absolutely treasured because of who you are? You deserve that from a guy, and only you can decide if this particular one is capable of doing that. Is there someone you trust with whom you can talk this over? A good friend, a pastor in a local church? I have prayed for your situation. Blessings.
SpecialJ Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 You're not an idiot, but 20 (or 21 right now?) is too young for you. Age differences shrink relatively as people get older, but he's just starting college and is still immature. If you're looking for something serious, even marriage, in the next couple years, this won't be your guy. He won't be ready. He's likely still several years off of truly being an adult (who can hold a job and not get fired) -- so I think this depends on your goals and life stage and how long you'd be willing to wait. But I wouldn't think about this as a romantic prospect unless you find you're both still single a few years down the line.
stillafool Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 Plus the fact that he was rather late in losing his virginity may make him want to see what all he had been missing.
jolenesmith Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 There's no way in hell I would have given him a 2nd chance, let alone a 3rd. If you do give him another chance then you will be kicking yourself because there's a very high chance that history will repeat itself. I agree with you If you do give him another chance then you will be kicking yourself...
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