Trash-talked my ex to friends now we're back together?

[ifitsmeanttobe]

My ex broke my heart. I was really hurt and my coping mechanism was saying awful things about him to my friends. I called him a loser, criticized his lack of ambition and career, called him ugly, I told my immediate friends he has a small penis. I know this is immature and terrible. I won't argue with anyone who reprimands me for oversharing about my personal life. I agree. I wish I were more of an adult and could keep my mouth ****. I wish I took the moral high ground, but I didn't. It was my mistake.

 

He has proved himself to me and we are back together. (I know, that's a different conversation to be had--and clearly I sound like the worst person ever now.) But the point is--now I feel awful and terrible for the things I said about him. Awful, because my friends will now probably judge me. But more awful because of the guilt I feel when I look at him and think about how hurt he would be to know what I said.

 

How do I fix this? I wanted to talk to him and admit that I said mean, angry things that I didn't actually mean. Have you ever dealt with this? Or do I just accept that this happens during breakups and sweep it under the rug and move on? I want our rekindled relationship to be healthy and honest. And my conscience will not allow me to move forward without getting this off my chest. How do I approach the situation?

 

Thank you

[Highndry]

What you do is you go to each and every one of your friends who you trashed him out to and tell them you lied because you were hurt, that the things you said aren't true and he's a wonderful human being who you love and are considering getting back together with.

 

Then you look deep within yourself to find out why you would resort to character assassination of somebody you supposedly love, seeking professional help if necessary. I don't know that he benefits from hearing about what you did so long as you make it right with all the people you belittled him with. In fact, you should never tell him.

Edited November 30, 2017 by Highndry

[BaileyB]

Oops... You've learned a good lesson, the hard way.

 

Yes, you need to talk with your friends and family members and tell them that you were angry and hurt, and that what you said was not true. You need to take responsibility for your actions and make it right.

 

Good luck.

[RecentChange]

Ouch.

 

You know this WILL get back to him eventually, and you will have a lot of explaining to do.

 

You said his penis is small? Oh boy, that one is NEVER going away. He will never ever forget you said that, nor believe that you were lying (unless he has some huge porn star dick).

 

Men are like elephants when it comes to these things. He will never forget that you humiliated his most prized possession.

[dude360]

It is probably better you step in front of it by telling him what you did. Tell him there is no excuse for what you did and you should have been a better person. Tell him you wanted to tell him yourself because you didn't want him to hear it from other people. Follow up by apologizing and promise to be a better person.

[barbossa]

You cannot fix it

You said the words and insults,

Now Everytime your friends see your man they will be reminded of how you trash talked him.

 

And wonder how you trash talk them behind their own back

 

My suggestion

Confess to your bf

As a couple compromise and find an agreeable solution to work past this if possible. If y'all can't get passed this and keep score this issue will come up in future fights

 

Your bf will always be insecure about you belittling him to your friends

[stillafool]

Sooner or later, more than likely someone is going to tell him what you said. You would do better to get ahead of them and tell him first. Learn to control your emotions.

[smackie9]

IMO you are not mature enough to handle relationships...this is not to be an insult, but an observation. Now you will receive the repercussions on both ends. As they say you made your bed, now lie in it.