hideme007 Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 I'm so messed up inside I need help. I'm divorced with 3 kids who live with me. A year ago a woman who I've know with her husband for years (She's 37, I'm 41) began flirting with me. You know, smiling a lot, slapping me on the arm, whispering in my ear once in a while. I tried to sort of ignore it but truthfully I enjoyed it. Now I feel like I've fallen head over heals for her and I'm miserable. When we're together I feel great. When she leaves, I'm miserable again. Here's where I need your help. Do you think she knows how I feel? Do you think she sees this as nothing more than a little harmful flirting while I, on the other hand, have grown to care about her? Recently We went on vacation together (Her, her husband, and both our sets of kids) and whenever he wasn't looking we were much more close and much more personal. In her defence she's never done anything "wrong" but I need to know if she knows how I feel. What do you think?? Is she toying with my emotions or is she innocent??
Bryanp Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 I think she is enjoying the attention and flirting she is getting from you. What I think you need to consider is really how would you feel if you were in her husband's shoes. She really is disrespecting him by flirting with you behind his back. Just remember that a person who does this behind her husband's back would also do this to you. I just think she is getting off on the attention. It sounds to me that in the long run you will get hurt.
lust4life Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 Think about your kids, don't do this to them. Find someone single to get involved with and remember to think in terms of how you would want your partner to behave, does this woman act like you would want someone you care about to act toward other men. Tell her you find it flattering but that it has to stop.
lynnspies1 Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 You have a lot to loose getting involved with this woman. Some things are better left unsaid and undone. It's not just about what you want and need, you have to think of all the others involved in the situation. Your kids already have a divorce to deal with. Let them be kids. Lynn
Author hideme007 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Thanks for the replies. I'm trying. But as for my kids, should I really give up on finding someone else because no one will ever replace their mom. She loved them and was good to them. I doubt her judgement sometimes, but she was still always trying to be their best mom.
Sal Paradise Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by hideme007 Thanks for the replies. I'm trying. But as for my kids, should I really give up on finding someone else because no one will ever replace their mom. She loved them and was good to them. I doubt her judgement sometimes, but she was still always trying to be their best mom. No its fine to find someone else. Just not someone who is WITH SOMEONE ELSE. You've known her husband for years and he trust you. Does he deserve this? Also think of the example it is setting for your kids. There are plenty of unmarried women out there to hook up with. Put yourself in his shoes. And think about this, if she is the type of person who is willing to cheat on her husband with his friend (or whatever you two are), is this the type of woman you want to be with? The type of woman you want around your kids?
dresden Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Sal P is right on. You can find someone who is unencumbered and free and you can date her without guilt. Just go a little slow and be up front with the kids about everything. Best of luck.
peachtree Posted August 28, 2005 Posted August 28, 2005 "unencumbered and free" hmmmmm---- I'd say "unmarried" would suffice in this case. Not in all cases, mind you, but in this case, yes. Now, if there were true love between this man and woman, I'd say go for it, love rules all! And, all's fair in love and war, have you heard? peachy
Grizzly Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Am I missing something? Your own marriage has broken up for whatever reason and you're toying with breaking up another couple's marriage? Because you think you're in love? You are playing with fire, my friend. Think about your friend (this woman's husband) and think about their children. What will this do to them? Heck, what will it do to your own children to see their father and a friend of the family involved in something that is inevitably going to be seamy and deceitful. Personally, nothing you've said so far leads me anywhere but to a conclusion that you are awfully selfish to even consider an intimate relationship with this woman. Back off. You're going to trash a lot of people's lives if you go forward.
RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I don't think she can possibly know your feelings. She definitely doesn't know how much you care. She is probably aware of the fact that you like her. She might be just flirting innocently, but I think she wants to have an affair with you. She knows where her behavior leads and you're single. I don't know if she just wants sex or love but it's probably neither. I mean, she probably doesn't expect great romance (but she might fall in love) and also most likely doesn't expect sex with no feelings. You will continue to feel miserable if you fall for married women. There are so many single women out there. Your kids live with you? That's so touching. Where's their mom?
Neptune Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 hideme007, As long as you are around that woman it is only going to be gloom, despair and agony on you. Get away from her now! I can well imagine how it is. About like telling someone who has been snorting a little cocaine to quit.
passingby Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 You are lonely, that's all. This woman is taking advantage of that. She can tell you are flattered by her attentions, her husband might also feel it. Leave her alone. Her husband is your friend and your kids all know each other. She's not serious about you. She just wants to play around behind her husband's back for whatever reason she may have. Affairs are never a good idea. They attack the very foundation upon which a marriage is built on - trust. Chances are she will not leave him for you. Her marriage would be damaged forever, her children and husband devastated. Do you really want to be a part of that? Think with the head on your shoulders not the one between your legs. Look for an unattached woman. YOu don't have to replace your wife right now, but you need some female company. A movie partner, someone to have dinner out with. We all need that.
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