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Better to have loved and lost...

hotpotato

By hotpotato
in General Relationship Discussion

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heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

Posted
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It seems that some people have a much harder time moving on than others. I don't know why that is, but it is clearly true, and makes love a high-risk venture for them, unfortunately.

 

 

I have been in such emotional pain today. I've decided I'm not going to make myself vulnerable to this again. I'm not sure I can survive this again.

 

Free and single once I feel better.

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SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
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lol you guys are amateurs.

 

Time heals this.

 

I'm serious...TIME. So much time passes that the pain subsides

 

I've been single for over 10 years, save a couple of 1 year relationships. Ten years. I am very used to being single. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad anymore either. Just there.

 

The only other person on this forum who I can think of who's been single for a long time and used to it is Carhill. We all know someone in our lives who is single and content and has been single for so long that you don't even expect them to be with someone ever again. I think that's me.

 

Hardly an amateur, I’m 45 and been through this before. Time doesn’t heal, it makes you forget. In the beginning stages every one of those previous heart breaks were brought to the forefront via vivid daily nightmares.

 

The difference with this one is I truly thought I found someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I was married once and never felt this way (getting married to her was a mistake).

 

Being comfortable single is what I aspire to be as well. I don’t think I want, nor have the capacity, to open myself up like that again.

 

So that leaves me with being with somone who is not right (i.e. ex wife) or being alone. Not sure which worse out of the two.

  • Like 4
heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

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I don’t think I want, nor have the capacity, to open myself up like that again.

 

I think this is what was wrong with my ex. And now he's done it to me.

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
I think this is what was wrong with my ex. And now he's done it to me.

 

It’s a shame that previous experiences carry with us to future relationships. Yet it is a fact of life I suppose.

 

So much for time heals all wounds....

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
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I called you guys amateurs in terms of how long you’ve been single and completely alone. No dating or talking to opposite sex. Really alone. 10 years for me and time does make the pain go away.

heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

Posted
Posted
I called you guys amateurs in terms of how long you’ve been single and completely alone. No dating or talking to opposite sex. Really alone. 10 years for me and time does make the pain go away.

 

 

My ex had been single 10 years when we got together. His previous ex had bust him up so bad he wasn't able to love completely again. I didn't understand that properly then. I do now.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
My ex had been single 10 years when we got together. His previous ex had bust him up so bad he wasn't able to love completely again. I didn't understand that properly then. I do now.

 

Yeah if you’re single for a long time you have to keep your heart open.

Some people act proud that their heart is closed. It’s nothing to be proud of.

  • Like 2
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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
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In the past 12 years ive had a 6 month relationship, 5 month relationship, 10 month relationship, and a 2 1/2 year relationship. I tried mass dating in my early 20s. I have spent most of my adult years alone and that includes no dating at all.

 

Ive never healed from any of the relationships. The pain is always there beneath the surface, bubbling.

 

Every couple of years i can find soneone. My guy friend has already dropped the l bomb. Every man who has said that to me has left fir other women. Its grown meaningless.

  • Like 2
Chilli Established Member

Chilli

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Think l better stop reading all this kinda stuff. l met someone a wk or two back, have been really exited about her but now l'm all like, put the brakes on don't this don't that, better be careful ra ra ra.

 

Trouble is , l dunno how to do things like that. She loves the way l feel too but lf l start being all hesitant and hold back , it's gonna mess me up.

Edited by Chilli
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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
Think l better stop reading all this kinda stuff. l met someone a wk or two back, have been really exited about her but now l'm all like, put the brakes on don't this don't that, better be careful ra ra ra.

 

Trouble is , l dunno how to do things like that. She loves the way l feel too but lf l start being all hesitant and hold back , it's gonna mess me up.

 

Oh Chilli, I'm so happy for you that you met someone!

Yeah, don't mess it up and pull back. Accept and relish in your blessings.

  • Like 1
Chilli Established Member

Chilli

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ahh thanks for that pop, .

 

and thanks for the tips too sounds like beautiful advice to me, that's what l was thinking. owe ya one, l can't do bs anyway. :love:

Edited by Chilli
  • Like 1
  • 4 weeks later...
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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I talked to one of the guys who rejected me. In the process I realized something.

 

Most dumpers believe they can come back when they are ready. Look at me. The people here myself included have sat back and wondered if an ex will come back. The person who left has a lot more control and confidence over the situation in their minds.

 

I never cease to be amazed at how happy and optimistic they are. Every time I talk to a guy who dumped me or rejected me in some way, they are just so sure I'll find someone.

  • Like 2
  • 2 weeks later...
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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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Two years after my art relationship, I still have nightmares. It makes me miserable, and no, I can't choose how I respond. I had a nightmare this morning btw. It's torture.

  • Like 1
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
Two years after my art relationship, I still have nightmares. It makes me miserable, and no, I can't choose how I respond. I had a nightmare this morning btw. It's torture.

 

Yea me too. It ebbs and flows. I was doing well for a while and a few weeks back I had this horrific, vivid dream about my ex that nearly put me in tears and kept me up the rest of the night. Took a few days to shake it.

 

Although nothing has worked out since, at least I have the (rare) ability to get excited about a woman (shortly before I am disappointed that it goes no where). It's a step.

 

I'm starting to get tired of having sex with women just to kill the time and for a short burst of feel good. Though I must admit it does work at the time by keeping me distracted.

 

I'm really convinced that this is life for me now. My younger brother swore off women and I never understood it....until now.

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