I want to be with my ex again - but not yet?

[adal tapones]

My ex an I broke up 3 months ago after being together for 2 years. Around her 25th birthday she freaked out that she would never know what its like to be single. So we called it quits.

 

I have been NC for 2.5 months and feel much better, feel good on my own, seeing things much more clearly. My ex saw me at an event last week and everything changed for her. She seems to have realized I have slipped away. She broke down, and messaged me for days following telling me how much she misses me and still loves me, and how she regrets everything that has happened, worries that I hate her.....but doesn't know if its a good idea to be together right now.

 

She wants me to wait for her. My instinct was to tell her 'I won't be put on ice. It's now or never', but I'm not sure if that's even what I want. It's not smart. It's only been 3 months and I think if we got back together now we would be rushing into things - surely she hasn't got over these feelings already. I could tell her I'd rather she take the time to figure things out, but I don't want her to think I'll hang around forever. I won't. It seems the only agency I have here is to give her an ultimatum - you're either with me, or we never speak again - but I don't want to be with her right now anyway. So what should I do? Tell her we can speak again in a month?

 

She wants to hang out and talk about it, but I'm avoiding seeing her as I still don't know what I want to happen, and I don't want her to think she can just call me and hang out whenever she wants. Should I just go back to strict NC indefinitely, until she tells me she wants me back? Or should I be more honest and direct about my intentions?

 

Basically, I feel like I have the guts and self respect to tell her she's either with me or she's not, but I don't think it would be the smart thing to do if we want a relationship to work in the future - it feels too soon. There is obviously a risk here that the longer I wait, the more of a chance there is she will meet someone else. Is it a risk worth taking? Thoughts on what to do?

Edited November 29, 2017 by adal tapones

[Buriall]

So she wants you to wait for her until she figures her things out...what does she mean by this? does she mean riding new guys and seeing how it goes and you become an option if it doesn't work out? fck that you're worth more than that.

 

However if you feel like it's still too soon, tell her you need more time and that this doesn't mean you ll be back with her after a month..I don't know the history about the break up so its really difficult to give you solid advice. From what you have written seems like she doesn't know wtf she wants. Dont be an option for anybody

[trustyourself]

Your best bet is to meet up with her, and have a face to face conversation about this. You could tell her that if she wants to be single, you respect her decision, but you will go NC. If she tells you it was a terrible mistake and she wants you back now, then it’s up to you what you want to do.

 

If you do get back together, she needs to work to regain your trust, and she has to truly want it.

 

It sounds like you are having second thoughts about being with her now?

[Dmoney28]

Hey Bro, I haven't Logged into this site for years. Thought I drop some advice. It's sounds like either she's banging other guys, or is seeing how it is to date someone new. I think they call it Tarzan syndrome. A person holds on to one "vine", while reaching out grasping another "vine". She is not ready to give up the familiarity and comfortable feelings with you....but she is ready to test out other men and relationships without be committed to you....hence why she won't give you a clear answer about getting back together. She is using you to relieve herself if any guilt, because she is giving you her gift of friendship....and seeing that you still have feelings for her, you might be desperate for it.

 

I suggest no contact. Go through your emotions, process them, grieve a bit for the loss, and move the F on.

[marky00]

telling me how much she misses me and still loves me, and how she regrets everything that has happened, worries that I hate her.....but doesn't know if its a good idea to be together right now.

 

this is all you need to know.

 

that's her ego talking, not her heart. she values you more since you went NC but the spark in her heart just isn't there (or at least not enough to consider a reconciliation).

 

go back to No Contact. No need to do anything until you have something on paper, right in front of your face.

Edited December 15, 2017 by marky00

[Been]

Meet up for what reason? Don't. She wants you to wait until what? When SHE decides you resume dating.

And even getting back togeather what's to ensure she doesn't repeat this again?

Know what I hate? When someone DUMPS you for a stupid reason- "I'll never know what its like to be single" AND THEN has the nerve after not talking to you to text you about how much they miss and LOVE you.

Your worried about her meeting someone? She already did it just didn't go the way she wanted it to go.

[springy]

So she wants you to wait for her while she does what? That's some nerve she's got there. I'd pass on entertaining such a ridiculous request. Clearly she thinks she's a really big deal. I'm so awesome, wait for me while I try a few others out