wantslove92 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) I've been single all my life. I am 25 year old female who has been struggling in trying to find a boyfriend. I've been using tinder and okcupid and met a guy from okcupid. Before we even met I asked him what is he trying to look for from this dating site. He said that he wants to go with the flow, meet new people and see where it goes. He wants to settle and have kids later on. He then told me that he doesnt want to scare me or anything. So I told him that I am looking for a serious relationship and not just trying to hook up because I have dealt with that in the past from these dating apps. So I told him that it's good that it seems like we are on the same page. I clearly told him that I don't want to hook up. I felt a vibe that he seems pretty sexual through text because he would ask for pictures of me because he wants to see "my beautiful face". (not naked ones). I showed him a selfie. And then he said asked for a full body picture so I sent him one. He called me sexy which kind of through me off. He also started making crude jokes. It started because he asked me to go meet up with him and to meet where he lives so I can ride in his car when we go for a hike. I didn't want to because it just doesnt seem safe to ride in a stranger's car. So then he told me he's not a murderer. I said a joke to him by telling him what if I'm the murderer. He then said "If your going to kill me at least have sex with me before I die so I can die happy." I know it was a joke but I just felt like it wasn't appropriate to say that. Just all of these sexual remarks he says made me think twice but I still decided to meet up with him anyways. But it's weird because he lives about 25 minutes away from me so I would assume that he would drive in my area instead because he's the guy. So when we met he seemed really nice. We connected. What also threw me off was when we were talking and I mentioned that my allergies were starting and then he said "do you want to stop by my house so I can give you allergy medicine?" This was definately a red flag for me so without hesitation I said no it's okay. After meeting he texted me right away and told me that he had a great time and want's to "hang out" with me again. He told me that I was beautiful and a really fun person. While we were texting he told me that he already kinda misses me. Which I thought was weird because we hardly know each other. I felt like he is trying to sweet talk me. While we were hiking he mentioned wanting to go get breakfast with me next time so I thought this was nice. But I don't know. I see more red flags than positive things. He never says my name through text. He only calls me "cutie, baby girl, pumpkin, princess etc.." He doesnt really seem to make conversation with me through text. He just asks me "what are you doing", "how was work", "hi cutie" and sends me a good morning cutie text. So when he texted me I told him that I don't think we should see eachother anymore because I feel like it's not going to work out. He defended himself and asked me why what happened. He was acting clueless as if he doesn't know that he's making gestures of wanting sex. Am I right here? Edited November 29, 2017 by wantslove92
2much4 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 He wants sex. He doesn't admit it because he knows you'll bail. 2
Carlotte Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 I agree with 2much4. It looks like he wants just a hook up.
GemmaUK Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Sexual texts before meeting? I wouldn't have met him. I wouldn't meet him again if I were you. He is being very clear that sex is what he wants. 1
dumbass2 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Before you even met he told you he just wants to go with the flow and maybe settle down later in life. You said you were looking for serious. You weren't on the same page from the start but you said you were. He gave you the red flag and you for some reason took it another way. He wants to date around and have sex and explore what's out there. 4
CristianConnects Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) As a guy, myself I understand the need to feel above and beyond. He went in to fast by mixing up your signals, he might of thought it was flirty and cool. I read self help books and it says as soon as a girl sees red flags it's over, there's no do over once you felt uncomfort you should said "bih bye" the problem i have, is girls I've approached are already taken lol but honestly I only worked up the courage to talk to a few but hey fear is real Face Everything And Rise or Fear Everything And Run. 50 50 chance it could go either way. Edited November 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
sdraw108 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 For me the biggest red flag that stood out was the fact that he kept on trying to get you to go to his house. Anyone with the right kind of intentions knows what kind of signal that sends and wouldn't be doing that prior to a first date (unless they're stupid). I've never suggested someone I've never met come to my place for a first date.
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 wantslove92 You are looking for love in all the wrong places. You are not going to initially find serious on a dating site. Those sites are for people who initially want & can handle multi-dating. That is not you. Continue to browse but consider paying the money for something like e-harmony. The cost & the time commitment alone deter the people who are more interested in playing the field. Also use more real life activities to find a BF. Volunteer doing something you are passionate about. There you have a greater likelihood of finding a genuine person who shares your values. As you already know do not go to a man's home early on. Those invitations are most often a pretext to sex. Do not expect men to come to you on early dates. It's much safer for you to meet then half-way in a public space with your own transportation. 1
joseb Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) Before we even met I asked him what is he trying to look for from this dating site. He said that he wants to go with the flow, meet new people and see where it goes. He wants to settle and have kids later on. He then told me that he doesnt want to scare me or anything. So I told him that I am looking for a serious relationship and not just trying to hook up because I have dealt with that in the past from these dating apps. So I told him that it's good that it seems like we are on the same page. In what universe is that on the same page? He told you in no uncertain terms he is looking for hookups and nothing serious. And everything afterwards is geared towards getting you to his place in as short a time as possible. You are looking for a serious relationship. Why do you think you are on the same page? Unless you are actually open to hookups? Edited November 29, 2017 by joseb 3
kendahke Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) I'm curious: how did you think this whole thing should have gone? What should he have said to you? I think he was trying to get to know you, albeit in a crude way to be sure, and was determining if you were someone worth his time. From the start, you chose to dismiss the loudest, more glaring red flag about what he said he was looking for, which wasn't a serious relationship. Perhaps he was trying to joke his way into the bed with you--who knows? If the sexual remarks bothered you so much, why didn't you tell him? Were you holding out for: He wants to settle and have kids later on. ? Later on is not right now. Later on may never happen. And I agree with joseb--he told you plainly that he wasn't down for a relationship right now... It's too soon for him to ascertain if you're his preference in someone he wants to be serious with--that's why there's dating--to figure these things out. In the end, you made the right decision. This wasn't going to go anywhere because you two are no where near being on the same page, let alone being in the same book on the same shelf in the same library. Edited November 29, 2017 by kendahke 2
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Hook up................guys are not subtle or lay hints or let you guess. What they say they mean it. He doesn't want want a relationship. 1
Author wantslove92 Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 Before you even met he told you he just wants to go with the flow and maybe settle down later in life. You said you were looking for serious. You weren't on the same page from the start but you said you were. He gave you the red flag and you for some reason took it another way. He wants to date around and have sex and explore what's out there. The thing is I confronted him about the red flags. I told him that I don't think we should see each other anymore because I feel like we both want different things. Then he told me "why what happened? What's going on?" So I felt like he was still trying to make up stories in order for me to sleep with him. He was really defensive and tried to cover it up. I even asked him and said if he's met a lot of girls on okcupid. He said no. I knew this was a lie. He said he only met one girl.
CristianConnects Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Girls signals are mostly never mistaken you still had red flags you might be looking for something serious but he might just be playing games.
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