peterso2 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hello, I wanted to get some feedback from others regarding dates they've had / experienced. My situation within the last 3 years I've gone on dates with 10+ people. The first date usually goes decent, sometimes there a second or third. The problem is there never seems to be a spark, I feel like maybe I am not escalating things enough on dates after 2nd. Or possibly the girls I am dating just aren't into me like I thought they would. It always ends up being myself texting and getting limited responses after several dates where I basically give up and move on. I've never been upfront about what they are looking for / need. This past week I went on a date that went pretty amazing - she lives about 1 hr (I'm also opening up the distance too - since I'm in a small town). We had a 6 hour date where we went to dinner and a few bars afterwards. Interestingly enough, she let me drive home 1 hr at 3am instead of offering me crash at her place. Conversation was great but no major sparks. We texted this week while on her vacation a couple times. I offered to meet her this weekend, and now no response ghosted. My guy says to move on...once again. Does anyone have these feelings like they aren't good enough for anyone? Countless dates going nowhere? Is this the world of online dating? Sorry if I'm just venting, but I'm losing hope. I'm probably not the greatest in the looks department but I have all my loose ends together - what gives? It's been a rough week outside of this in general - any comments would help:( Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Not good enough for someone? I feel that way sometimes. Often times when I have been out on these dates (mostly the OLDs I realize now) I feel that they are 90% of the time not in my league - uneducated, less personality, anti social, etc. In the few times I have met someone who is decent (or seems to be on the surface) I feel as if they are snobs or thry think they are better than me or others. But just because a person is not good enough for another doesn't mean you have to treat them badly. Unfortunately I find they do otherwise. Keep moving forward not back. Move on from those who do not treat you well or think they are better than others. Life is too short to do otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I'm probably not the greatest in the looks department but I have all my loose ends together - what gives? Sometimes it fits, most of the time IME not. IMO, the more universally attractive one is, the more opportunities for synergy because the other side of the equation which one has zero input on is handled by one's attractiveness. All that remains is one's own 'click'. That underscores that the higher the number of iterations, the greater opportunity for success. The worst possible situation IMO is where one isn't that attractive and doesn't often find others attractive. Adopt your favorite pet and settle in I've kinda been somewhere in between but suffer from not easily finding anything in a skirt attractive. That has limited things substantially. Yeah, I've been married and had girlfriends but it's a chore, not easy like for most guys who love/lust women, all/most women. Does anyone have these feelings like they aren't good enough for anyone? Countless dates going nowhere? Is this the world of online dating? Yeah, when younger that 'good enough' thing did loom in the background but time and age moderated it. A lot of rejections also helped to toughen the old skin up. Yup, a lot of dates went nowhere, if you mean ending up at the altar and making babies. Some were one and done, some lasted awhile, a few became girlfriends, one became a wife. I came to view dating as socializing, not mate-shopping, and that helped. If you feel burned out, take a break. Do other things. I took about five years and did a lot of traveling, both with my race car domestically and as a tourist internationally, learning about other cultures, and their women. It all helped. Kept things fresh. Up to you. Down the road I view some of it as wasted time but hey when one is young and hormones are saying replicate, yup, one does what they are wired to do. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hello, I wanted to get some feedback from others regarding dates they've had / experienced. My situation within the last 3 years I've gone on dates with 10+ people. The first date usually goes decent, sometimes there a second or third. The problem is there never seems to be a spark, I feel like maybe I am not escalating things enough on dates after 2nd. Or possibly the girls I am dating just aren't into me like I thought they would. It always ends up being myself texting and getting limited responses after several dates where I basically give up and move on. I've never been upfront about what they are looking for / need. This past week I went on a date that went pretty amazing - she lives about 1 hr (I'm also opening up the distance too - since I'm in a small town). We had a 6 hour date where we went to dinner and a few bars afterwards. Interestingly enough, she let me drive home 1 hr at 3am instead of offering me crash at her place. Conversation was great but no major sparks. We texted this week while on her vacation a couple times. I offered to meet her this weekend, and now no response ghosted. My guy says to move on...once again. Does anyone have these feelings like they aren't good enough for anyone? Countless dates going nowhere? Is this the world of online dating? Sorry if I'm just venting, but I'm losing hope. I'm probably not the greatest in the looks department but I have all my loose ends together - what gives? It's been a rough week outside of this in general - any comments would help:( Online dating is very much that, about 99% striking out. I never feel like I'm not good enough, but I can understand how frustrating it is. I did do online dating prior to this year, but the last 1/2 a year I did a lot more. I used tinder (lol I know) and the thing that frustrated me most was not guys trying to get laid (those were usually truthful), it was the all the game playing. Several guys I went on dates w/pretended like they wanted the same thing and tried to get sex despite me saying no or were there to play games. That was frustrating and waste of my time. Dating is hard, don't feel bad about yourself. Just keep going and do things for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hello, Interestingly enough, she let me drive home 1 hr at 3am instead of offering me crash at her place. Conversation was great but no major sparks.( How many dates had you been on prior to this? Why would you have expected her to let you crash at her place - especially if there were no sparks? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Youre not alone. I get jaded by constantly going on dates and for it not to work. Its the people who ghost on you or fade that make you feel worthless. Ive don't OLD for up to 10 years now. Ive been on and off constantly but remember we are human and we have emotions to deal with and some people want this "spark". Ive only had the spark a few times but I'm one of the odd few who can accept someone for who they are and I can then grow with them and have a slow burn to a spark further down the line. I get tired of have not getting past date 2 or sometimes 3 but hey. Theres got to be someone out there for us. Sometimes I don't want the relationship to continue and sometimes its them. Its hard to find someone who likes you but we still have to keep looking. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 That's why we date.....to see if there are things in common, sexual tension and chemistry. I have been on plenty of dates with great guys, attractive guys, guys that are really looking for a relationship, etc but many times....there is no chemistry. Like I always say, it only takes one to be the one. You need to put yourself out there more, maybe change it up and go to places to meet women instead of the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peterso2 Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 Folks, got a response from this girl today's almost 4 days later saying she is going home for the weekend. Should I even bother responding or attempting a move? 4 days is pretty ridiculous to respond back IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 just say "cool wanna hang out when you get back in town?" and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Is it a text? It sounds like one. Here's what we must remember about texting (and I have posted several of my rules and regulations which some have come down on me for, but my rules are not wrong as time and experience has taught me otherwise with it): 1) Passive communication - Texting is a passive form of communication. If the man was really interested in me, he will CALL me. 90% of the time I would get a text from the man the next day saying something like "I had good time last night" or "you seem cool", etc. I usually will respond with "thank you I did as well." And maybe we will have a few more texts between me and him, and then one party (me or him) will send a "good morning" text and the other will not respond and the trail goes cold. This will happen maybe 65% of the time after the first get together. 2) CALLing - If he is really interested in me, he will CALL ME. This sends a message to the woman that the man is interested and he wants to see her again. 3) 48 Hour Rule - If you (as the woman) have not heard from the man within the first 48 hours after the first get together, 90% of the time you will not hear from him again. He might call a few days later, he might ask to see you again and you might have another get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to it. After the second get together, you will never hear from him again. I hope you followed these rules, otherwise this won't go anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 If you are making it past one date, you are likely doing something that is talking them out of liking you. If I make it past one date I usually get sex (almost always). I allow them to reach out after rather than trying to chase them. This weeds out women with marginal interest and prevents you from wasting your time. After all, you will have a lot more fun with women who are into you then those who are "meh". The method I use is let them talk most of the date. It's amazing how by saying very little, showing interest in them as a person, and just being charming without kissing their ass how it leads to sex in about 3 dates. Granted, I've yet to find one I want long term but I never have an issue getting past a second date. When you have women who are really interested in you, you won't want to waste time with those who don't. Sometimes there will be no interest by her on a first date - this is common with OLD. It sucks, but don't waste any more of your time even if you find her attractive. A lot of women will go out with you for a free meal or something to get them out of the house while having zero romantic interest in you. It becomes easy to se signs of interest when you practice dating a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 At least you seem to be meeting women who you're interested in. I have a hard time meeting women who I find interesting and am attracted to. The pool is small. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 At least you seem to be meeting women who you're interested in. I have a hard time meeting women who I find interesting and am attracted to. The pool is small. From what I've observed on this site, which is of course very limited, you seem like a normal, confident, respectable man so this surprises me. How are you putting yourself out there, if you want to meet someone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 At least you seem to be meeting women who you're interested in. I have a hard time meeting women who I find interesting and am attracted to. The pool is small. The interest fades pretty quickly when they do what I listed. It makes me feel like pretty hopeless of finding one long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 From what I've observed on this site, which is of course very limited, you seem like a normal, confident, respectable man so this surprises me. How are you putting yourself out there, if you want to meet someone? Aww, thanks. Honestly right now I'm not even looking. Suffice it to say I'm a little picky. I won't bore you with the list here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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