Need to Tell This

[KBob]

So I had a date with a girl off Tinder today. Pre-date phone call had seemed great (3 hrs of talking) and so had the first three quarters of the date. A ton in common, lots of laughing and chatting, overall good chemistry. There had been a couple things I noticed about her: possibly a little judgemental but hard to tell since there was so much joking going on, and hadn't been laid or seen a guy in a year.

 

Later on we're talking about listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, which we both love, but she follows that up with a "but sometimes he's a womanizing douchebag. He talks a lot about F'ing girls all the time." And I bit. Wrong move. I tried explaining that men make sexual jokes all the time, not just toward women but even toward each other, maybe it was taken out of context, and little did I know I was instantly painted with a black brush. The conversation devolved into a hostile rant about rape culture and objectifying women, how the only good guys are ones (she was referring to her friends' husbands) who constantly post of Facebook about redefining the way men look at women and not promoting masculinity because it's the cause of most of the worlds problems. All of this was after she had talked about how she loved the podcast he did with two girls who host their own podcast: "Guys We F****d. This got to the point where she became very offensive and started accusing me of condoning rape culture. Of course this conversation started after we had ordered food. Awkward.

 

I basically killed the whole conversation off by stating she had pre judged me and painted me with a black brush and that I'm not really concerned with her negative opinion of me. And I stayed and ate my food, F*** her. She went on more about how she's glad she's happy that she's single because she doesn't get along with western men and she figures she'll just go live in an Ashram and be celibate, blah blah blah. I walked away from her on the street corner.

 

Overall my really good day (I passed a very important exam that will push me further to my dream ) was deeply disturbed by this woman and I feel really subtly angry and bitter. I've never had a date turn so hostile and negative before. I apologize for the rant but I needed to tell this one.

 

BTW, she said that every woman she knows had been sexually assaulted or raped. Ladies, is this really how it is? Are the odds that high? Because that really depressed me hearing that. I hope that's not reality for everyone....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Bummer . And no, that is not true. It's true for me, but I have very few friends who have been sexually assaulted.

 

Some women can get VERY carried away with this whole "rape culture" thing. I don't like Joe Rogan, but I wouldn't say he promotes or condones sexual assault. I think he talks about masturbation too much lol. (I've never listened to his podcast....just hear him when he comes up on the comedy channel on SiriusXM).

 

Maybe ask your next date where she is on the feminism scale and go from there .

[KBob]

Bummer . And no, that is not true. It's true for me, but I have very few friends who have been sexually assaulted.

 

Some women can get VERY carried away with this whole "rape culture" thing. I don't like Joe Rogan, but I wouldn't say he promotes or condones sexual assault. I think he talks about masturbation too much lol. (I've never listened to his podcast....just hear him when he comes up on the comedy channel on SiriusXM).

 

Maybe ask your next date where she is on the feminism scale and go from there .

 

Good call. If they say militant, next time I'll just leave.

[Gr8fuln2020]

BTW, she said that every woman she knows had been sexually assaulted or raped. Ladies, is this really how it is? Are the odds that high? Because that really depressed me hearing that. I hope that's not reality for everyone....

 

Well, the answer to these questions are obvious. No. Neither did this girl say that every woman gets assaulted or raped. People are often regarded as militant when and if they are strongly vocal regarding some movement or cause. It doesn't make them wrong.

 

As for this 'rape culture', I can tell you it was not something I ever observed or was a part of in any way, but it's not about the frequency of rapes or assaults, rather the LONG history of how women have been objectified or minimized and especially as it pertains to the assault of women. Things are changing, but our society have begin FAR LESS tolerant of the boys club who was not held fully accountable over the many past generations.

 

I'm a father of a daughter who will be dating in a few dreaded years and you better believe I am doing my part to make certain she doesn't take any crap from some guy who thinks it's macho or 'a man' to be inconsiderate, chauvinistic douche bag.

 

I will say that she was out of line to accuse you. Unfortunate, but if you think her view is 'militant', MILITANT(?), then perhaps you are not as sensitive to the history and understanding of what women have gone through and continue to do so. Her 'militancy' may very well be b/c she has had friends who have been assaulted, raped. She is very sensitive on the issue.

[KBob]

I will say that she was out of line to accuse you. Unfortunate, but if you think her view is 'militant', MILITANT(?), then perhaps you are not as sensitive to the history and understanding of what women have gone through and continue to do so. Her 'militancy' may very well be b/c she has had friends who have been assaulted, raped. She is very sensitive on the issue.

 

Being militant is being confrontational, accusatory and aggressive in your opinions. You can accuse me of being insensitive all you like, but all I did was present a viewpoint and was attacked for it. Her sensitivity does not giver her the right to act like that.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Being militant is being confrontational, accusatory and aggressive in your opinions. You can accuse me of being insensitive all you like, but all I did was present a viewpoint and was attacked for it. Her sensitivity does not giver her the right to act like that.

 

Nonsense. There is nothing militant about my post. Just providing some history and perspective. I do apologize, but your assessment of this girl being militant was not entirely justified. She may have been judgmental or defensive, but her views on sexual assault, etc. is not militant. You were offended by her approach, not her message, correct?

 

She was especially offended by your attempt to redirect an issue that she finds very important and some people often use to minimize an issue that they either do not agree or are uncomfortable with. Bringing up the "Guys We F****d" seemed, to her, to be just that. A diversion or lack of respect for a much more serious problem.

Edited November 29, 2017 by simpleNfit

[RecentChange]

Well your date sounds off her rocker. I don't identify with anything she said....

 

BTW, she said that every woman she knows had been sexually assaulted or raped. Ladies, is this really how it is? Are the odds that high? Because that really depressed me hearing that. I hope that's not reality for everyone....

 

As for this part, no, of course not every woman has been sexually assaulted or raped, but the numbers are shocking.

 

1 in 6 has been raped or attempted rape.

 

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem

 

Now if you call having your pussy grabbed, or boob grabbed etc in an unwanted manner in public etc, then yes, I would say every single female I know has been assaulted in some way.

 

Given the comments of our president, is it really a surprise?

 

I was grabbed many times as a teen. Walking in crowds, concerts, etc. Been grabbed between the legs by strangers. As an adult I have had to yell to get a man to quit putting his erection against my backside on a crowded train.

 

I fought off an attempted rape in college.

 

My mother and sister have both been molested. I have many friends who have been molested or raped.

 

It really is a huge problem, and many suffer silently. I am sure you know many sexual assault victims, you just don't know it.

[KBob]

Nonsense. There is nothing militant about my post. Just providing some history and perspective. I do apologize, but your assessment of this girl being militant was not entirely justified. She may have been judgmental or defensive, but her views on sexual assault, etc. is not militant. You were offended by her approach, not her message, correct?

 

I didn't mean your post was, I was defining what I meant as militant.

 

I was offended by both. He message was that any guy that laughs at or participates in sexually related humour condones rape culture and sexual assault, and she flat out said they're not good men. I will never argue that the plight of women is non-existent, nor am I chauvinist by any means, but having her kind of opinion is extreme.

[MuddyFootprints]

My husband bought me a Howard Stern book for Christmas way back in the old days. He's lucky he's still not wearing it as a hat.

[KBob]

She was especially offended by your attempt to redirect an issue that she finds very important and some people often use to minimize an issue that they either do not agree or are uncomfortable with. Bringing up the "Guys We F****d" seemed, to her, to be just that. A diversion or lack of respect for a much more serious problem.

 

I never brought that up, I just wrote it here for context. And I can't believe you don't see the hypocrisy in thinking that it's a diversion tactic.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I didn't mean your post was, I was defining what I meant as militant.

 

I was offended by both. He message was that any guy that laughs at or participates in sexually related humour condones rape culture and sexual assault, and she flat out said they're not good men. I will never argue that the plight of women is non-existent, nor am I chauvinist by any means, but having her kind of opinion is extreme.

 

Ok. I have to tell you, I have never thought jokes that demean or undermine the value of another human being to be funny. I suppose that is why I am often regarded as 'too serious.' I have some struggle with jokes that are sexually related and often-times devaluing. I don't believe that if you do laugh at them that YOU necessarily condone or promote an environment that is hostile, but I often wonder why such jokes are funny in the first place and what compels someone to tell them.

 

She is very sensitive for sure. You were unfairly branded.

[KBob]

Ok. I have to tell you, I have never thought jokes that demean or undermine the value of another human being to be funny. I suppose that is why I am often regarded as 'too serious.' I have some struggle with jokes that are sexually related and often-times devaluing. I don't believe that if you do laugh at them that YOU necessarily condone or promote an environment that is hostile, but I often wonder why such jokes are funny in the first place and what compels someone to tell them.

 

She is very sensitive for sure. You were unfairly branded.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that. And there's nothing wrong with not finding them funny, that's your right and we all have different senses of humour. People who laugh at demeaning humour aren't bad unless they're actually trying to maliciously demean people, same goes for self deprecating humour. That's the way I look at it.

[rushed]

BTW, she said that every woman she knows had been sexually assaulted or raped. Ladies, is this really how it is? Are the odds that high? Because that really depressed me hearing that. I hope that's not reality for everyone....

 

I have. My little sister has. Every single one of my close friends had been. Research has shown that the stats are 1 in 6. But I don't even know if that includes the assaults that haven't been reported, because as far as my circle goes it's almost all of us, and not one of us reported it.

 

A boyfriend of mine at the time listened to Joe Rogan. I never cared for Joe Rogan. This boyfriend and I would get into it a lot about rape culture. The conversations left us both feeling the way you did after your date - angry and bitter.

 

Bright side is that you saved yourself a lot of time and now can move on to someone you're more compatible with.