FJ Edgar Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 So my gf broke up with me saying that I wasn't listening to her and that I would interrupt her and not give her enough attention. She put a lot of effort in with me and was always supportive even offered to help me with my marking. I'm an idiot and was too proud to accept help and let her in. Anyway, she sent me a text the next day saying just wanted to say thanks so much for the chocolate and it was really thoughtful of me. What's going on? I thought she dumped me. I don't know what this means. Does she want me back?
Frostedflake Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You gave her breakup chocolate? Or this was a gift you got her before the split? I think she's just being courteous and thanking you for the gift.. If she wanted anything further she would've extended the conversation, asked how you were, etc. to feel you out again.
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 I was guna give it to her anyway when we met up. She had already said thanks for the chocolate when I gave it to her.
HumanMachine Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 So she already had the chocolate? Or you were going to give her the chocolate? If so how is she saying thanks for the chocolate now if she hadn’t received it? Which type of chocolate?
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 I had bought the chocolate (salted caramel) to give to her and towards the end when I was about to leave I said that I bought you something. I gave it to her and she said thanks. So I'm confused why she sent this text to me the following day.
Emmafive Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 I had bought the chocolate (salted caramel) to give to her and towards the end when I was about to leave I said that I bought you something. I gave it to her and she said thanks. So I'm confused why she sent this text to me the following day. She's not confident that she made the right choice in breaking up. When I broke up with my ex I was relieved and barely thought about it. I was eerily calm and detached. My most recent ex when I broke up with him I said something to him the next day because deep down I didn't really want to break up.
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 She's not confident that she made the right choice in breaking up. When I broke up with my ex I was relieved and barely thought about it. I was eerily calm and detached. My most recent ex when I broke up with him I said something to him the next day because deep down I didn't really want to break up. So what should I do? I want her back but not sure how to do it.
HumanMachine Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 She's not confident that she made the right choice in breaking up. When I broke up with my ex I was relieved and barely thought about it. I was eerily calm and detached. My most recent ex when I broke up with him I said something to him the next day because deep down I didn't really want to break up. Did you say something more than ‘thanks’? OP I wouldn’t make the move, she ended it and if she wants to give you a chance she will be a lot more upfront than ‘thanks’. 1
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 I said that i know how much she liked that type of chocolate and that I hope she has a good day.
HumanMachine Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 I said that i know how much she liked that type of chocolate and that I hope she has a good day. Why FJ? Why would you do this? I guarantee if you hadn’t replied she’d have contacted you again. Stop with the niceties post breakup, it makes you look weak.
Emmafive Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 So what should I do? I want her back but not sure how to do it. Don’t respond.
Emmafive Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Did you say something more than ‘thanks’? OP I wouldn’t make the move, she ended it and if she wants to give you a chance she will be a lot more upfront than ‘thanks’. Yea I did. I said something like it’s a shame we didn’t work out blah blah blah. I wanted back in but without taking the risk. If OP’s ex just said thanks the night before there’s no need to say it again and how thoughtful the next morning. This leads me to believe she’s not sold on her decision, especially since this seemed like a forced dump.
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Yea I did. I said something like it’s a shame we didn’t work out blah blah blah. I wanted back in but without taking the risk. If OP’s ex just said thanks the night before there’s no need to say it again and how thoughtful the next morning. This leads me to believe she’s not sold on her decision, especially since this seemed like a forced dump. Not necessarily, some dumpers just want to find out if the dumpee is OK and still alive after that terrible shock, to salve their own conscience... I really doubt it means she is having second thoughts. 1
Emmafive Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) Not necessarily, some dumpers just want to find out if the dumpee is OK and still alive after that terrible shock, to salve their own conscience... I really doubt it means she is having second thoughts. She wanted him to step up and be more attentive, but he wasn’t so she felt like she had to end things. Then OP does something sweet, something she had been wanting from him. There was no need to say that the gift was very thoughtful. She could’ve just said thanks again if she wanted to see if OP was okay, but she didn’t. Plus, if you end a relationship and it’s not because you fell out of love you’re going to be unsure about your choice. How unsure I have no clue, but you’re going to be uncertain if you still love them. Edited November 29, 2017 by Emmafive
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 30, 2017 Author Posted November 30, 2017 She wanted him to step up and be more attentive, but he wasn’t so she felt like she had to end things. Then OP does something sweet, something she had been wanting from him. There was no need to say that the gift was very thoughtful. She could’ve just said thanks again if she wanted to see if OP was okay, but she didn’t. Plus, if you end a relationship and it’s not because you fell out of love you’re going to be unsure about your choice. How unsure I have no clue, but you’re going to be uncertain if you still love them. So, do I just wait now? I was thinking of sending her a message in a few days saying how I regret the decisions that I made in terms of not listening to her and opening up. And that I haven't felt this way about someone before. Or should I wait for her to message me. We're both 30 by the way.
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2017 Posted November 30, 2017 So, do I just wait now? I was thinking of sending her a message in a few days saying how I regret the decisions that I made in terms of not listening to her and opening up. And that I haven't felt this way about someone before. Or should I wait for her to message me. We're both 30 by the way. SHE broke up with YOU, so you really have no control over the situation, she needs to be the one to say. "Look FJ, I made a mistake". Most people do not break up on a whim, they have usually thought long and hard over it, so the time for changing minds is often long past by the time they pluck up enough courage to pull the plug. They have already been through the indecision, the hemming and hawing, the "Am I doing the right thing"; so by the time they pull the plug they are done, they have made up their mind. Many have also grieved the relationship too by the time of the actual split, so they can often then move swiftly on with their lives. 1
Author FJ Edgar Posted November 30, 2017 Author Posted November 30, 2017 SHE broke up with YOU, so you really have no control over the situation, she needs to be the one to say. "Look FJ, I made a mistake". Most people do not break up on a whim, they have usually thought long and hard over it, so the time for changing minds is often long past by the time they pluck up enough courage to pull the plug. They have already been through the indecision, the hemming and hawing, the "Am I doing the right thing"; so by the time they pull the plug they are done, they have made up their mind. Many have also grieved the relationship too by the time of the actual split, so they can often then move swiftly on with their lives. Yeah, I understand that but the fact that she sent me that message just confuses things.
sdraw108 Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 Yeah, I understand that but the fact that she sent me that message just confuses things. It's very common for dumpers to send messages like this. Google "breakup breadcrumbs". It doesn't mean they want you back. If they want you back they will say something like, "I've realised that I've made a terrible mistake", "I want to try again with you", etc. and even then you should be very skeptical! The best thing you can do right now is read and implement the No Contact Guide: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide 1
Emmafive Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 So, do I just wait now? I was thinking of sending her a message in a few days saying how I regret the decisions that I made in terms of not listening to her and opening up. And that I haven't felt this way about someone before. Or should I wait for her to message me. We're both 30 by the way. Like I said don’t respond. Not being 100% sure about breaking up you is not the same as wanting to get back together. My best friend’s ex dumped her two months ago. Said happy thanksgiving to her. Told her to ignore it. Then two days ago he sent her a text saying how she was the one for her and how he never meant to hurt her. Told her to ignore that one too. Last night he sent another message asking if she was always going to ignore him. Told her to ignore. He sent her another message 20 minutes later asking if she could talk to him in person on Saturday (they live two hours apart). I told her to go ignore that too because she at least deserved a phone call. He sends her an email too. I’m telling you this because if she wants to reconcile she’ll say more than what she did in that text. If she does you make her work for it. Again, don’t respond.
flightplan Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 The only reason she texted you is to ease her guilt. She doesn't want you back, she just wants to feel better about her decision to dump you. If you can stand back and take a look at her selfish reasons to reach out to you, you'd realize how responding can hold you back. Take a hike, she made her decision.
springy Posted December 1, 2017 Posted December 1, 2017 You’ve never felt this way for anyone before yet you interrupted her, didn’t give her enough attention and wouldn’t let her in..are you sure about this? I don’t see the confusion in that message other than you trying to assign more meaning beyond a simple thank you for the chocolate text. Probably feeling bad about dumping you and is her way of making sure you’re ok.
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