Girl expressed interest but I didn't reciprocate

[EveningEmbers]

I recently met a lovely girl and spent a day going around town with her. It wasn't meant to be a date, but she really enjoyed our time together. She isn't very verbal about it, but her actions showed. At the end of the night when I gave her a hug, she gave me her cheek briefly and it caught me by surprise. I haven't experienced that before and just froze, and she felt a bit awkward because of that. I knew that I should have kissed her, but the moment simply passed me by since it caught me off guard. I actually like this girl. It was our first time meeting up too. How do I get her out? How direct or subtle should I be? Don't want to mess things up. My biggest mistake has always been deliberating for too long until the girls who are interested stop talking to me. Would love to hear your thoughts!

[smackie9]

Simply ask her out for pizza or something. A DATE!

[kassy]

Agree send her a message saying you had a lot of fun and you'd really like to take her on a date. Is she free to go to X on y (day and time)?

 

Make sure you use the word date so it's clear to her that's your intention

[d0nnivain]

Just call her & ask her to do something . . . almost anything . . . with you but do have an activity planned when you ask. Don't say "Do you wanna hang out sometime?" Instead be specific. "Would you like to grab a slice of pizza with me on Thursday?" or "Would you like to go see xyz movie with me?" What you do isn't as important as the fact that you are doing it together & soon.

[EveningEmbers]

I agree with you guys, but I'm just afraid of being rejected if I don't approach it correctly. Too bold or not old enough

[sdraw108]

I agree with you guys, but I'm just afraid of being rejected if I don't approach it correctly. Too bold or not old enough

 

She's either interested or she's not. If she's interested she's unlikely to reject you, and if she's not then she's likely to. I think you're over-thinking it.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with you guys, but I'm just afraid of being rejected if I don't approach it correctly. Too bold or not old enough

 

 

You could ask perfectly but if she's not into you, your technique won't matter. the chemistry is either there or it's not. If it's there you can screw up the ask royally & still get a yes.

 

 

You said you both enjoyed your time together. Just ask. If she says no, you have a definitive answer & can move forward knowing it's her loss but to sit here dithering will just make you crazy.

 

 

Especially since you didn't go for the kiss when offered, the longer you delay the more she will convince herself that you have no interest in her & when you finally get the courage to make a move she will be miles away emotionally.

 

 

Fortune favors the bold. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Be_Strong]

I’ve been in your shoes where I’ve found myself in an awkward position like that. The best way to handle it though is to immediately acknowledge the awkwardness with bluntness, humor and a touch of self-deprecation. Never just remain silent and let the moment pass. You have to seize control of the situation.

 

In your specific context, the reason it was awkward was because she put herself out there and you “left her hanging” so to speak. In other words, in her eyes you rejected her and now she feels a bit humiliated and embarrassed. At the time, once you snapped out of your frozen trance, you should have been direct with something like, “oh my god, I don’t know what just happened to me, a beautiful woman put her cheek out there for me to kiss and I froze like a total dork.” Let me make it up to you right now. I’ll close my eyes and pucker my lips, and if you want, you can give me a kiss, and if not you can reject me and make me feel as dumb as I just made you.”

 

By doing the above, you redeem her honor and relieve the awkwardness of the situation. Oh, and you also get a kiss on the lips because there’s no way she doesn’t give you one there. [and if she doesn’t at first you would tease her about being so cruel and she’ll come around]

 

Obviously, though, you didn’t do any of that but you can do a similar thing right now—it’s simply delayed a day. Contact her, acknowledge the awkward situation and apologize and blame yourself and complement her and ask her to give you the opportunity to make it up to her.

Edited November 28, 2017 by Be_Strong

[EveningEmbers]

I’ve been in your shoes where I’ve found myself in an awkward position like that. The best way to handle it though is to immediately acknowledge the awkwardness with bluntness, humor and a touch of self-deprecation. Never just remain silent and let the moment pass. You have to seize control of the situation.

 

In your specific context, the reason it was awkward was because she put herself out there and you “left her hanging” so to speak. In other words, in her eyes you rejected her and now she feels a bit humiliated and embarrassed. At the time, once you snapped out of your frozen trance, you should have been direct with something like, “oh my god, I don’t know what just happened to me, a beautiful woman put her cheek out there for me to kiss and I froze like a total dork.” Let me make it up to you right now. I’ll close my eyes and pucker my lips, and if you want, you can give me a kiss, and if not you can reject me and make me feel as dumb as I just made you.”

 

By doing the above, you redeem her honor and relieve the awkwardness of the situation. Oh, and you also get a kiss on the lips because there’s no way she doesn’t give you one there. [and if she doesn’t at first you would tease her about being so cruel and she’ll come around]

 

Obviously, though, you didn’t do any of that but you can do a similar thing right now—it’s simply delayed a day. Contact her, acknowledge the awkward situation and apologize and blame yourself and complement her and ask her to give you the opportunity to make it up to her.

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I finally told her how I felt, was really sincere about it, and told her I wanted to see her again this weekend. I honestly am quite proud of myself for it. However, she laughingly denies remembering the situation, but also didn't say no to my offer yet. At least there is some hope

[greymatter]

I’ve been in your shoes where I’ve found myself in an awkward position like that. The best way to handle it though is to immediately acknowledge the awkwardness with bluntness, humor and a touch of self-deprecation. Never just remain silent and let the moment pass. You have to seize control of the situation.

 

In your specific context, the reason it was awkward was because she put herself out there and you “left her hanging” so to speak. In other words, in her eyes you rejected her and now she feels a bit humiliated and embarrassed. At the time, once you snapped out of your frozen trance, you should have been direct with something like, “oh my god, I don’t know what just happened to me, a beautiful woman put her cheek out there for me to kiss and I froze like a total dork.” Let me make it up to you right now. I’ll close my eyes and pucker my lips, and if you want, you can give me a kiss, and if not you can reject me and make me feel as dumb as I just made you.”

 

By doing the above, you redeem her honor and relieve the awkwardness of the situation. Oh, and you also get a kiss on the lips because there’s no way she doesn’t give you one there. [and if she doesn’t at first you would tease her about being so cruel and she’ll come around]

 

Obviously, though, you didn’t do any of that but you can do a similar thing right now—it’s simply delayed a day. Contact her, acknowledge the awkward situation and apologize and blame yourself and complement her and ask her to give you the opportunity to make it up to her.

 

If a guy did/said all of that, it would not make me want to kiss him. It's all too contrived and awkward, and in my opinion makes it all worse. That's just my take but...don't do all of that. Things need to happen more organically than that.

[joseb]

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I finally told her how I felt, was really sincere about it, and told her I wanted to see her again this weekend. I honestly am quite proud of myself for it. However, she laughingly denies remembering the situation, but also didn't say no to my offer yet. At least there is some hope

 

That's very positive! Well done.

 

Now, move on from the missed kiss, don't make it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

 

Just be ready to kiss her on this next date when the time comes (or make the opportunity if you have to)

[d0nnivain]

I finally told her how I felt, was really sincere about it, and told her I wanted to see her again this weekend. I honestly am quite proud of myself for it. However, she laughingly denies remembering the situation, but also didn't say no to my offer yet. At least there is some hope

 

I'm proud of you too but what do you mean you told her how you felt? Feelings weren't to come into play here. All you needed to do was say would you like to spend time with me? That you like her is implied in the ask. Making some announcement that you like her is odd & off putting. Depending on what you said you may have overwhelmed her which may be why she hasn't agreed to see you this weekend.

[joseb]

I'm proud of you too but what do you mean you told her how you felt?

 

Ah I missed this. I thought he just asked her our.

 

Agreed. OP don't scare her off making declarations about feelings. Asking her on a date tells her you like her.

Saying you have strong feelings after one date says you are a bit too keen, or are trying to love bomb her.

 

So when you talk to her next, just keep.it to asking her out.

[mortensorchid]

I agree. CALL her and ask her don't text it. Texting is a passive means of communication, calling is direct. This will send a better message than a text. It will tell you that you like her rather than your just being polite.

[Highndry]

I agree with you guys, but I'm just afraid of being rejected if I don't approach it correctly. Too bold or not old enough

 

She gave you her cheek to kiss her, you froze up, and now you're freezing up and afraid to even ask her out on a date? There's this really old band called The Beatles and they have this song, it goes "...you're gonna lose that girl, you're gonna loooooooose that girl..."

 

Get some cajones and ask her out before another guy does!

[Versacehottie]

I recently met a lovely girl and spent a day going around town with her. It wasn't meant to be a date, but she really enjoyed our time together. She isn't very verbal about it, but her actions showed. At the end of the night when I gave her a hug, she gave me her cheek briefly and it caught me by surprise. I haven't experienced that before and just froze, and she felt a bit awkward because of that. I knew that I should have kissed her, but the moment simply passed me by since it caught me off guard. I actually like this girl. It was our first time meeting up too. How do I get her out? How direct or subtle should I be? Don't want to mess things up. My biggest mistake has always been deliberating for too long until the girls who are interested stop talking to me. Would love to hear your thoughts!

 

You are already deliberating too long!! You said she likes you by her actions. You spent a long day together. I wouldn't wait much longer, just ask her already. Waiting too long rather than getting it perfect is just as much of an "error". It shows that you overthink, are insecure (if coupled with being caught off guard with her cheek & no real moves or contact since) or uninterested (with no real moves/contact since). Also there is always the chance that someone else could swoop her up. Sometimes the momentum and spontaneous nature of things is more your friend than anything else. Lots of great advice here already! Just do it.

[EveningEmbers]

I told her that I felt the same way as she did that day, and that I was an idiot, but I wasn't completely direct with labelling it as anything. Within all that, I also said that she is interesting in a quirky way, and hope that she will come out this weekend because I want to see her again. I am definitely giving her a bit of power there. I feel like it's a double-edged sword because she could easily say no to me, but with me giving her that option, I'm trying to not come off as needy.

 

It's true, I definitely overthink, but it's part of my nature working in a very technical job as well. On the other hand, I am quite imaginative as well because of my hobbbies, which is what got us together that day to begin with. Maybe it could have come out better, but honestly I have never said such a sincere thing to any girl before, and for that, I'm quite happy, and she has to see that for what it is. I couldn't have made all that up even if I tried. I want to believe that instilling the idea in her head and giving her the positive affirmation is many times more important than saying nothing, and that the slightly unpolished way that my words came out gave them a little more authenticity.

[smackie9]

I agree with you guys, but I'm just afraid of being rejected if I don't approach it correctly. Too bold or not old enough

It has nothing to do with doing things "Correctly" either she likes you of not.

 

Rejection is just part of dating/life....if you don't take risks, nothing will ever change. You need to get over it....it happens to all of us.

[EveningEmbers]

I didn't hear back from her last night, but this morning she told me that she will check her schedule and let me know. That's as much of a yes as I am going to get, no doubt. Quite happy about this!

[Noproblem]

So what if you got rejected, better than not knowing!

Not the end of the world.

[EveningEmbers]

Ok, so she asked me if I wanted to see her for a date or just to hang out, and I insisted that it's a date.

 

The response I received was neither a yes nor a no. She simply says that she doesn't think that she is in a great position to date right now, but said maybe in a few months.

 

Should I still try to see her in the meantime? In my mind, almost all time spent together could be a date since there is mutual interest. If I saw her right now, would it fizzle off the attraction and make us friends instead? What puzzles me is that she wanted a kiss last week. I can't tell if she changed her mind, or if this is normal for most girls.