jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 There's this girl that I'm really attracted to at my work. She's actually an insanely nice person too so it's kind of a win-win on a lot of levels. My problem is though I'm pretty shy, this poses a problem for obvious reasons, but I can't think of a good reason to just go and talk to her. Plus I'm not entirely sure she feels anything for me. A little backstory, our shifts end around the same time and she'll always say bye to me with a smile, but she's a front desk agent at a hotel, so it's kind of her job to be smiley and positive so that makes me wonder if it's her just being nice, or something else. The other night she did pass by me and she said her usual bye with a smile, but then she stopped a few seconds later, turned around and tried a little small talk about decorations at our job and asked if I liked them. Again, because of the nature of her job and mine for that matter (Hospitality) I can't help but feel she's just being polite. I've kept my interactions with her limited because I'm trying to draw her out more and see if she'll show me a little more before I maybe try talking to her and having a real conversation instead of just pleasantries. I don't like ignoring someone to draw them out, because I know it can backfire, but it can also do exactly what it's supposed to do I'm just trying to get a better read on her, but I'm not sure how to do it. I don't want to play the ignore game either though. I know someone will just say go up and talk to her, but I can't think of a good reason to really initiate a conversation without my intentions being obvious. Any advice on how I could approach this?
Buriall Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You think she won't notice your intentions after you find a way to talk to her? lol hey who knows maybe she wants you to make a move? You dont need a reason to initiate a convo, she already did that with her decorations talk but you puss*ed out. Only way is talking 1
basil67 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Well 'playing' is certainly the word! I think the way you're going about this will make you look like you have either zero conversation skills or zero interest. Either way it's a bad look for you. I can't begin to imagine how it would make a girl be more attracted to you. Is it perhaps a kind of "treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen" ploy? Whatever happened to the idea of being friendly and engaging and leaving her looking forward to the next time you meet?
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 (edited) Well 'playing' is certainly the word! I think the way you're going about this will make you look like you have either zero conversation skills or zero interest. Either way it's a bad look for you. I can't begin to imagine how it would make a girl be more attracted to you. Is it perhaps a kind of "treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen" ploy? Whatever happened to the idea of being friendly and engaging and leaving her looking forward to the next time you meet? Well I am friendly, but it's only in the pleasantries and that's not going to get me anywhere. And there's not much to say about decorations, it's hard to continue a conversation on that. My time with her has been limited I've only been there a week, so I don't think I've dug myself into a hole... yet. That's why I'm asking for advice here now And yeah it is kind of a "treat em mean to keep them keen" ploy except I'm not being "mean" to her. It's not like I'm flirting in an insulting manner which I know works for some guys, but that's not something I'd do. The whole point of ignoring her a few times was just to leave a seed of intrigue in a way. Usually attractive women like her get guys tripping all over themselves trying to get their attention. And by ignoring her I mean maybe just walking by her and not saying anything, no Hi, no smile, just nothing. I figure why not try a different approach while also using it to gauge her interest. I just don't want it to backfire and her to take it the wrong way, which is definitely a possibility. Edited November 28, 2017 by jgraham11
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 You think she won't notice your intentions after you find a way to talk to her? lol hey who knows maybe she wants you to make a move? You dont need a reason to initiate a convo, she already did that with her decorations talk but you puss*ed out. Only way is talking So you would take that as her showing interest? I'm not the greatest at judging interest with politeness
Buriall Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 So you would take that as her showing interest? I'm not the greatest at judging interest with politeness Indeed my friend... Every change of shifts start with little talks about ANYTHING show her youre interested..
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 Indeed my friend... Every change of shifts start with little talks about ANYTHING show her youre interested.. And how should I go about that? It's just there's no good reason to say anything to her during the day. Our duties at our job don't really interact at all during the day. It would be extremely random to just talk to her all of a sudden out of the blue
basil67 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Indeed my friend... Every change of shifts start with little talks about ANYTHING show her youre interested.. Yes, it's OK to shift gears in conversation. If you're both in the same area and say Hi to each other, it's perfectly acceptable to ask how her weekend was/what she's got planned for the weekend. Weekend discussions open so many avenues of conversation! Even if they are doing nothing, you can comment on how nice it is to have a quiet weekend. Catch up on TV series/movies and hey presto, you've got a new conversation happening. Also, you missed a great opportunity when she asked you what you thought about the Xmas decorations. You could have talked about how much you look forward to decorating your own place. Or how it brings back memories of childhood decorating. Or say it reminds you that you need to make a shopping list and ask how her planning is going. She would make a comment in turn and you run with it and you've now got conversation happening. Honestly, conversation can be made about pretty much anything if you practice.
basil67 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 And how should I go about that? It's just there's no good reason to say anything to her during the day. Our duties at our job don't really interact at all during the day. It would be extremely random to just talk to her all of a sudden out of the blue Do you see her in the lunchroom? Find yourself entering the stair well next to her? Waiting for a lift? Arriving at the same time? Run in to her at the cafe downstairs? Say "hi" and initiate a conversation as per my previous post.
Author jgraham11 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 Do you see her in the lunchroom? Find yourself entering the stair well next to her? Waiting for a lift? Arriving at the same time? Run in to her at the cafe downstairs? Say "hi" and initiate a conversation as per my previous post. Well alright that's all pretty good advice. My problem is I'm just quiet so I've gotta force myself out of my shell more with her
rushed Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 I know someone will just say go up and talk to her, but I can't think of a good reason to really initiate a conversation without my intentions being obvious. Any advice on how I could approach this? You want your intentions to be obvious. How many posts do you see on here from people not sure if someone is interested in them? Next time you go on your break casually pass her by and ask her if she wants anything from Starbucks (or wherever you're going). She may say no (especially if you're not allowed food at the front desk), but at least she'll know she's on your radar. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Next time you find something "abandoned" in the hotel, take it to her and ask if she's in charge of lost and found. Hopefully it will be something really weird so the two of you can have a conversation about it .
mortensorchid Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Well, if you like HER, then make the move towards her. I think she's testing the water to see if you will.
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