xxloverxx1190xx Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Hello, everyone. I have been searching everywhere for an answer and can't seem to find one. My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago and I decided No Contact was probably the best thing I could do at the time. So I did that until about a week ago where I noticed he finally switched his relationship status and blocked me on social media. Totally my fault for even looking, sigh. I reached out, but it was nothing major, though. Just called him to ask what's up. He let me know where he was, and said he wasn't expecting a call. I let him know I have been meaning to talk to him and he seemed concerned for a moment but I didn't really know what to say. He was busy so I just said it wasn't a big deal and that it could wait. We got off the phone after a vague, "we'll get coffee sometime". But I did break even further and called again to ask if it would be fine to stop by, but I got the gist that he wanted space so I just left it alone. Fast forward to almost a week later today, I get a text from him saying that he would prefer to burn the bridge between us. That I am special with a bright future ahead of me because of a, b, and c. And finally that he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to speak because he is healing, and that he hopes I am, too. And now all I feel is pure confusion. Yesterday, I decided I needed a break from all social media and deactivated everything because I am bordering obsessive and it's unhealthy. I feel like it's the first step to moving on and then I am suddenly hit with this. I haven't responded, because I don't even know what to say to this. He contacts me to say we shouldn't be in contact. He proceeds to say nice things about me. Then finishes with going back to how we shouldn't talk because we're both supposed to be healing. I know I contacted first, and I know it was a mistake, but I left it alone, so why send me this? And why is it so contradicting? I feel like bridges are burned from irreparable damage, so why be nice? And why announce it at all? Why contact me just to say we shouldn't be in contact? Most importantly, we broke up due to a lack of communication so why hit me with one of the longest messages you've ever sent me out of "nowhere"? Is this a game? Am I overthinking this? Is this supposed to be some kind of push and pull technique? He's always been the type to just let it go, and focus on work, or distract from the original problem so it doesn't have to be dealt with. He's also not totally self-oblivious, either. This is just so weird and unlike him, and I'm not going to try to pretend that it's not driving me crazy. So I'm looking for thoughts, past experiences, maybe some psychological theories from anyone reading to help me keep it together. Sitting here and trying to come up with an answer on my own is merely teetering me closer to the edge of responding just to ask if he's doing this on purpose, or if it was just really not that well thought out in terms of message vs. action.
Purepony Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Block block block !! Block this child on everything !
Jdoublenn Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Yes seems a tad like a game or like he needs to be "in control". If he wanted to burn the bridge he could block your # and any other way of contact. Instead he had to be clear to tell you... Or it could just be how he's chosen to go about it "respectfully" in his mind. Either way, time to block and move on. The hardest part for sure.
dumbass2 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You are over thinking this. No one on here can tell you with certainty what he is thinking. You have to leave this as is and move forward. No reply is needed. Block him from everything because there is not going to be a second chance here so it's not worth the effort in analyzing it.
HumanMachine Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You need to block him. He will continuously check in until he finds someone else, which will hurt a lot more than if you cut him out now. 1
Zahara Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 (edited) I don't see where he was playing a game. You reached out both times. The first time you called, he cut it short and likely proposed coffee to be polite or maybe to even appease you. The second time you called, he again cut it short and gave you the hint that he needed space. He contacted you a week later to implement NC and to let you know that he wants to move on, wants to completely sever ties/respectfully end it/wish you well. This was his way of proposing finality. He probably did this because he knew you would likely call again/break NC at some point since you're having a difficult time moving on and to cut out all hope on your side. I don't see what he did wrong here. If anything, he did you a favor. Most times dumpers keep dumpees on the back burner. He's not doing that to you but being very clear as to where you both stand. There is no need to respond to him. Best to just move on/block/delete his number but if you want to respond, then just wish him well and nothing more. Edited November 28, 2017 by Zahara 2
Author xxloverxx1190xx Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 I don't see what he did wrong here. If anything, he did you a favor. Most times dumpers keep dumpees on the back burner. He's not doing that to you but being very clear as to where you both stand. There is no need to respond to him. Best to just move on/block/delete his number but if you want to respond, then just wish him well and nothing more. Okay, I can see where you're coming from. Would you say the same applies if I was the dumper???
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You claim to have been in NC but then admit to checking his social media. That is a form of contact. Then you called him. He correctly understands that you are going to be an on-going thorn in his side unless he does something so to protect you from yourself so he blocked you & has now told you to go away. He did it in a gracious kind manner because he's a quality person not a jerk. He's paving the way for the two of you to be civil should you unexpectedly bump into one another, nothing more. You are broken up & now he is forcing NC on you because you won't properly apply those principles otherwise. Focus on your own healing.
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