C.JunioR Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Met a girl on OLD a week ago, had great conversations so far but still unsure about a few things. We have not met but I'm planning to ask her out this weekend. I'm pretty confident about her interest levels in general. - We send long chunky paragraphs of text to each other, have admitted to each other that its not usual for both of us. - Complimented me for being good at holding a conversation - Tells me her stories about her childhood and passion in her current job - Told me she likes cafe dates and is fine with anything in general Some things that makes me unsure - She rarely asks me questions, which bugs me quite a bit as I have this mentality that a girl who is interested in you will ask questions to know more about you. She hasn't even asked me about my major in university or hobbies. I'm not sure if she just thinks those are trivial questions that are boring. The questions that she asked are on a more personal level like no. of past r/s and why smoking is a deal breaker for me. - When I invited her to ice skating and a cafe afterwards, she did not give a straight answer, and instead teased me on how i seemed confident that she'd agree on a date. I'm writing this as she replied with the tease instead of a straight answer to my date idea. I would probably just reply with a tease of my own and offer a fixed day and plan for a date so that I'll gain more clarity straightaway. Would just like to gain some insight from the people here! Thanks, ppl on LS
Jdoublenn Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Sounds like she just likes the distraction of the chats. If she blew off your date idea or even joked instead of answering, she's not interested and not into you(enough). 1
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 She may be shy / scared. Keep talking a little bit more. Give it about a week. If you don't get her to agree to meet by then, give up. Always listen to your gut
Author C.JunioR Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 Just to give a little context, she has given me her number so we're talking off the app, if it makes a difference. Update: She already plans on this and next sat, but said she can do dinner instead of ice skate+dinner. So we have a dinner date set up for friday night. So she's interested enough to go out, so the rest is just up to how much chemistry we have i guess. If anyone can offer some insight on why she doesn't ask a lot of questions, that'll be great! Any advice would be very welcome, thanks
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Asking Qs is part of the art of conversation. She may not have mastered that yet. Many young people are so glued to electronics they have no idea how to interact with people. She may also be scared / nervous / inexperienced. She may not know how to ice skate or have been worried about looking foolish / uncoordinated in front of a new guy. Nobody wants to look spastic & clumsy in front of new person who they are trying to impress so dinner over ice skating may be just the ticket. 1
smackie9 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You asked her out, she didn't say yes.....NEXT HER!
carhill Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Met a girl on OLD a week ago, had great conversations so far but still unsure about a few things. We have not met but I'm planning to ask her out this weekend. Presuming you want to 'ask her out', do it today. I'm pretty confident about her interest levels in general. - We send long chunky paragraphs of text to each other, have admitted to each other that its not usual for both of us. - Complimented me for being good at holding a conversation - Tells me her stories about her childhood and passion in her current job - Told me she likes cafe dates and is fine with anything in general Time-passing electrons. Yeah, there were some that used to call me in the middle of the night to 'talk' too, while their husbands were asleep That doesn't mean they were, or she is, interested in a romance. Pressing flesh and looking in eyes, more. Some things that makes me unsure - She rarely asks me questions, which bugs me quite a bit as I have this mentality that a girl who is interested in you will ask questions to know more about you. She hasn't even asked me about my major in university or hobbies. I'm not sure if she just thinks those are trivial questions that are boring. The questions that she asked are on a more personal level like no. of past r/s and why smoking is a deal breaker for me. You're looking for an active listener who doesn't sound like a survey taker or counselor. Pretty rare IME, even among those women who demonstrated love and commitment and vivacity in the sheets. They all loved talking about themselves, mostly. - When I invited her to ice skating and a cafe afterwards, she did not give a straight answer, and instead teased me on how i seemed confident that she'd agree on a date. 'Well of course I'm confident. I have to be to ask out an awesome lady like you' You're still at the electron stage. Waste a few, presuming you want to. I tend to see these things as fun with no expectations. That IME helps. I'm writing this as she replied with the tease instead of a straight answer to my date idea. I would probably just reply with a tease of my own and offer a fixed day and plan for a date so that I'll gain more clarity straightaway. Would just like to gain some insight from the people here! Thanks, ppl on LS The progression was a bit confusing since you began with the idea of asking her out this weekend and then talking about already asking her out and the dance surrounding that. TBH, with OLD I wouldn't make any elaborate plans rather a quick bite or a walk in the park or coffee or drinks or similar. Don't consider it a 'date'. If things go well, then ask her on a 'date'. I learned this back when OLD was new 20-some years ago and I still think it's good advice. Keep things simple. Either you like each other or you don't and that first real-life interaction will speak volumes. Good luck!
Author C.JunioR Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 You asked her out, she didn't say yes.....NEXT HER! Smackie, we've made plans in my updated post! The progression was a bit confusing since you began with the idea of asking her out this weekend and then talking about already asking her out and the dance surrounding that. Sorry, I meant asking her out FOR this weekend. I've already sent the text suggesting a date before i started this thread. Thanks for your advice regarding an active listener being a quality, will definitely look out for that. So far she's been making me feel confident and accepted about sharing my stories and opinions as a reply to her stories, so i take that as a redeeming sign.
sdraw108 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 I agree with the ice skating being a bad idea for a first date, for the reasons given, but also because it's not ideal for having a conversation.
Jdoublenn Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 I agree with the ice skating being a bad idea for a first date, for the reasons given, but also because it's not ideal for having a conversation. Devils advocate here. Sometimes dinner dates for first dates are over stressful. Id much prefer to go DO something and have fun with a guy on the first date.
carhill Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 For real life associations, like say meeting a lady at a wedding and dancing the evening and then asking her to dinner as an official 'first date' IMO that's cool. I wouldn't do dinner for a first meet/OLD first 'date', yup, agreed. Simple, quick and inexpensive. If quick turns into the rest of the day, one can always go to dinner
alphamale Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 For real life associations, like say meeting a lady at a wedding and dancing the evening and then asking her to dinner as an official 'first date' IMO that's cool. I wouldn't do dinner for a first meet/OLD first 'date', yup, agreed. Simple, quick and inexpensive. If quick turns into the rest of the day, one can always go to dinner that's good advice
Author C.JunioR Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 Well received a text saying that this week is bad timing for her because she's busy with full time work and studies. She asks if we could push it to next week and that she'll update me. I have half a heart to just Next her and put the effort into texting someone else instead of her. But the other half is on just maintaining this bridge and see what happens. She's an interesting character and intriguing, but honestly her lack of interest in knowing me better along with the rescheduling just makes me feel half hearted at this point.
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Yeah, I understand your disappointment. She was vague. Then she said yes. Now she's saying "let's reschedule." Sounds lukewarm. I would pencil this into your calendar (meaning assume it's not gonna happen but be pleasantly surprised if it does) and put some effort into pursuing others in the meantime.
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Sometimes dinner dates for first dates are over stressful. Id much prefer to go DO something and have fun with a guy on the first date. The lady in Q said nothing in response to the invitation to go ice skating. Then she said yes to the dinner date. Granted now she's trying to reschedule that but we can't foist our preferences on people posters on LS ask about. You'd rather do something on a date; I'd rather have dinner. The key to anybody who is planning a date is find something the person you want to spend time with enjoys doing. Doesn't matter what others want.
carhill Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 If she updates you with a meeting time and place suggestion next week, she's interested in meeting you. Respond as you feel like. I wouldn't invest any more time into this interaction at this point. Ask other women out.
Author C.JunioR Posted November 29, 2017 Author Posted November 29, 2017 Thank you to everyone who has replied so far! I have decided that this is not worth me mulling over, and will shift my focus elsewhere. I'm not closed off to the idea of going out if she comes to me with a date though. What kind of text should I reply her with? 1) no reply, and see if she gets in touch 2) short reply saying I understand, and that she can contact me when she's freed up 3) text as per normal. Reluctant to do this as we send reallyyyyyy long texts. Appreciate all the suggestions!
alphamale Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 What kind of text should I reply her with? 1) no reply, and see if she gets in touch 2) short reply saying I understand, and that she can contact me when she's freed up 3) text as per normal. Reluctant to do this as we send reallyyyyyy long texts. for sure #1
Jdoublenn Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 The lady in Q said nothing in response to the invitation to go ice skating. Then she said yes to the dinner date. Granted now she's trying to reschedule that but we can't foist our preferences on people posters on LS ask about. You'd rather do something on a date; I'd rather have dinner. The key to anybody who is planning a date is find something the person you want to spend time with enjoys doing. Doesn't matter what others want. I totally agree with you!
Jdoublenn Posted November 29, 2017 Posted November 29, 2017 Well received a text saying that this week is bad timing for her because she's busy with full time work and studies. She asks if we could push it to next week and that she'll update me. I have half a heart to just Next her and put the effort into texting someone else instead of her. But the other half is on just maintaining this bridge and see what happens. She's an interesting character and intriguing, but honestly her lack of interest in knowing me better along with the rescheduling just makes me feel half hearted at this point. What kind of text should I reply her with? 1) no reply, and see if she gets in touch 2) short reply saying I understand, and that she can contact me when she's freed up 3) text as per normal. Reluctant to do this as we send reallyyyyyy long texts. Appreciate all the suggestions! NOTHING. She laughed at your first date plan and then, what? Said yes to you the second time, only to have an excuse waiting again... NEXT. PS "she'll update you" means "I really dont want to set a date in stone because im really not all that sure i want to go out with you."
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