exceptional Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 (edited) I know in most circumstances you should never wait for an ex, even just for your own well-being. But if an ex wants you back....is it better to wait? What does it even mean to wait for someone? My ex of a few months contacted me recently after bumping into them at mutual friends events. I had been strictly no contact before this. He confessed to still being in love with me, missing me so much and thinking about me everyday, feeling regret about what happened. The high from being single has worn off. He wants to be together again.... but not right now.. We broke up because he had 'GIGS'. I know this is a controversial label, but it best describes what happened - my ex has never been single in his life and was desperate to know! He was going great, until now. My emotional self wants to tell him, 'If you want to be together, I will not wait for you. We're either together or we are not, you cannot put me on ice'. But my rational self knows that its only been 4 months, and I think if he did decide it was the right time and we get together again now, we would be setting ourselves up for disaster. It has not been long enough. We're both in our mid twenties, and I don't think I would be comfortable re-entering this relationship knowing he needs time to figure stuff out on his own. I don't want to wait for him, but I'm not sure what it really means to wait. I'm not really seeing other people yet, but I'm getting out of bed every day and getting on with my life. I just want to live my life normally, and if we are both available and willing in the future then perhaps we can work it out. Should I tell him this, or is that making myself too available? At this point I feel okay with it going either way, but he seems quite afraid of me moving on. I would like to try again in the future, but I know if I don't take the chance now, he might 'find himself' with someone else. Do I give him and ultimatum and try and work this out now? Or do we give it time and risk losing each other? How can we make this work? Edited November 28, 2017 by exceptional
Purepony Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 I don’t think you can because he still sounds uncertain. I mean most would just at the chance if they have that opportunity but he sounds like he wants it at his convenience. If it’s meant to be it will be but don’t wait... or tell him you’ll wait but see other people in the meantime to see if that changes his tune
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Ugh. He either is ready to try now or he's trying to keep you on ice, as a fall back. Don't be his safety net. 1
Jdoublenn Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 he sounds like he wants it at his convenience. AGREE. In which case you're going to start talking to him and he's going to keep you "waiting". Or you'll go back to NC and still be thinking about him all the time which disrupts the solid NC you've been doing. I think in this position(oh wait I kind of AM in this position!) I'd tell him I'm not ready either, and need to return to NC to get more time under my (your) belt. Heck maybe you'll even meet someone better than your ex. By the sounds of it(you didn't rush back immediately and tell him you'll wait for him) you're doing really well with your NC and possibly moving on? Keep on goin! If he meant that much to you-and you, him-there would be no waiting and no second thoughts. JMO
Trip2TheSky Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Make him regret that time he asked you to wait for him by finding someone else who actually has a moral compass, compassion and consideration for others and then drive him to lose his ego by making it obvious you are over him. Also, ask why he'd rather wait when he claims to want you. When someone wants you, they will pursue you. It sounds to me that you could be a fallback to other options he may have. Either way, he sounds like a waste of time to me. Good luck and hope this helps. 2
Aarontmarshall Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Hi there, I agree with what most people have said already. Your ex boyfriend is attempting to take control of your situation by telling you to wait for him. And yes, he is trying to TELL you to do this. He is not asking. Do not give him that satisfaction, have self respect and self love not to indulge him. Keep doing NC and do not break it. This will make him realise that you are not a pushover and won’t give in to his demands. Take back the control. Now, if you truly believe that he is worth it then he can be the one that waits for you because it was you who was the one who got dumped. First, heal yourself, go out with friends, get healthy, do something new, go on a trip, quit a bad habit, do anything that will keep your mind focused on something other than your ex. This is difficult, but it is worth it. Hope this helps, and keep up the NC. Don’t break it on any circumstances until you are fully healed.
basil67 Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 Your rational self and emotional self have gotten themselves confused. The rational self should be telling you to not wait around for anyone.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 People who really want to be with you don't need to wait. He wants to be single and free, which will include dating other girls. Otherwise, he'd with you now. He's telling you what he thinks will keep you in his pocket if he decides he wants to come back. Don't allow yourself to be treated like Plan B. 2
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