Quokka Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 Okay so, me and my ex have been on and off for 4 years of my life from time I was 17 until 21 (age I am now) she is 22 a year older. We broke up back in August of this year and since then I’ve been talking to 4 different girls. Not at the same time or anything but here’s how it goes. I talk to the girl, take the time to get to know her and at first I like her and continue to pursue her. We end up having sex and I continue this trend for a couple more weeks. Then all the sudden I lose interest. I start thinking about my ex and how I wish they were her. There’s nothing wrong with any of these girls a lot of them are 10x better to me and for me than my ex ever was but even still, I’m finding myself dodging invites, being shady, not wanting to text them back, sometimes I’ll just put my phone away in a cabinet just to avoid all the texts and missed calls and eventually I just ghost them. Now, I know what I’m doing is awful but it’s like I just can’t feel anything for them and it’s frustrating because I genuinely want to but I don’t know why I just can’t. Like this girl now, she’s cute, awesome, great in bed, good conversation, has similar interest, and doesn’t mind that I live with my mom with no car. (Certain unfortunate circumstances caused my finanacial situation) but even still. I’m finding myself losing interest and I just miss my ex. My ex has tried contacting me through my friends because I have all of her social media and phone number blocked. Which I figure it’s better this way in trying to get over her. And I’m even going out and dating other women just like you’re suppose to do. But nothing is working. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why do I still miss her?
smackie9 Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 Nothing is WRONG, what you are going through is normal. You are not healed yet, so my recommendation is to wait trying to find a girl. You should be spending your time focused on yourself, hanging with friends, play sports, get into a hobby, whatever. You need to wait till your ex is out of your system. For now you are emotionally unavailable...that isn't fair to this girl. using someone to get over another is WRONG. You need to kool yer jets, casually date maybe, but certainly don't try for a relationship...you ain't ready for that. 1
barbossa Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 Okay so, me and my ex have been on and off for 4 years of my life from time I was 17 until 21 (age I am now) she is 22 a year older. We broke up back in August of this year and since then I’ve been talking to 4 different girls. Not at the same time or anything but here’s how it goes. I talk to the girl, take the time to get to know her and at first I like her and continue to pursue her. We end up having sex and I continue this trend for a couple more weeks. Then all the sudden I lose interest. I start thinking about my ex and how I wish they were her. There’s nothing wrong with any of these girls a lot of them are 10x better to me and for me than my ex ever was but even still, I’m finding myself dodging invites, being shady, not wanting to text them back, sometimes I’ll just put my phone away in a cabinet just to avoid all the texts and missed calls and eventually I just ghost them. Now, I know what I’m doing is awful but it’s like I just can’t feel anything for them and it’s frustrating because I genuinely want to but I don’t know why I just can’t. Like this girl now, she’s cute, awesome, great in bed, good conversation, has similar interest, and doesn’t mind that I live with my mom with no car. (Certain unfortunate circumstances caused my finanacial situation) but even still. I’m finding myself losing interest and I just miss my ex. My ex has tried contacting me through my friends because I have all of her social media and phone number blocked. Which I figure it’s better this way in trying to get over her. And I’m even going out and dating other women just like you’re suppose to do. But nothing is working. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why do I still miss her? why 100% cuz y'all "on and off for 4 years of my life" you and her are just not right for each other. better to end it now then waste either of yours times
Author Quokka Posted November 27, 2017 Author Posted November 27, 2017 Nothing is WRONG, what you are going through is normal. You are not healed yet, so my recommendation is to wait trying to find a girl. You should be spending your time focused on yourself, hanging with friends, play sports, get into a hobby, whatever. You need to wait till your ex is out of your system. For now you are emotionally unavailable...that isn't fair to this girl. using someone to get over another is WRONG. You need to kool yer jets, casually date maybe, but certainly don't try for a relationship...you ain't ready for that. Yeah you’re right and I’ve been doing all those things. My goal is to casually date but these girls all have really liked me and I’m just not feeling it. And Idk how to tell them so it’s a horrible situation for both parties. Despite doing all the appropriate things to move on, at the end of the day, I just miss my ex. There’s so much stuff I wanna tell her and show her.
Author Quokka Posted November 27, 2017 Author Posted November 27, 2017 (edited) why 100% cuz y'all "on and off for 4 years of my life" you and her are just not right for each other. better to end it now then waste either of yours times I have ended it. I think the problem is how young we both are but Idk. I need to accept what’s happened but like we both go after each other. She contacts me thru friends saying she misses me and yeah I’ve been on 3 months NC and considering breaking it because of how sad I’ve been Edited November 27, 2017 by Quokka More text
Versacehottie Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 There is a phenomena that occurs when people are on and off that makes them actually harder to get over than just a clean break once. I forget what it's called. Anyway the general concept is that each time you get more hopeful and more crushed, creating a dangerous cycle where your ego and self validation is involved so no matter what it is more layered than just this "person"--although that's hard to unravel/separate/recognize as the one going through it (or even for your friends trying to help. So nothing is "wrong" with you per se. This is a common reaction and the reasons why this happens with on/off relationships. It's almost like you have something to prove to yourself & each time you go back and forth, there is an inherent feeling that this happens because she IS someone special and you have something special together. I think even casual will probably make you feel unfulfilled and wish you were with her. I say you invest heavily into you, get those unfortunate circumstances sorted out so you can move back out and get a car. Put dating on hold for a bit. Make yourself more well-rounded socially, with hobbies, with your career--it will pay off in dating when the time is right, trust me. Girls are obviously already drawn to you. It's very typical that guys try to fix the hurt by finding another girl (which is almost always temporary if they don't recover from the hurt) but as you can see it's a bandaid & you still need to work through how you are feeling and build yourself back up. it will be ok but it takes some time. Putting yourself in repeat dating situations that are unfulfilling to you and only have you comparing whoever to HER won't help you get over her--it will likely have you idolize the relationship and her more, much more, than is accurate. Stay no contact, invest in yourself and come back to dating in a few months, maybe a little longer. Good luck
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