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1.5 years/ Rebounds/ I Just Want Her Back

NotJustin

By NotJustin
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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NotJustin Member

NotJustin

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Posted (edited)

I have been in a relationship with a girl for 1.5 years, and after a bad fight, she decided to leave me.

 

Three days prior to the breakup, we had an amazing date. We went shopping, took cute pictures in a photo booth, teared up and said we deeply love each other in the photo booth, and had sex and feel asleep to a movie until I had to drive back home.

 

Three days after the date, she broke up with me over an argument, which I found was stupid. We just went back and forth about, "I seriously don't like your guy friend." (Because I was so sure her friend had a crush on her) We broke up, and for the whole week we talked about being together, not right now, but in the future. {I just need time} {I'll give you your space, but I really hope I can be your guy again} {Me too :')}. And that's where I decided say "Maybe now isn't the time to talk then." and went no contact. We unfriended each other off of everything.

 

Two weeks post BU, I broke no contact and I decided to talk to her again. She hit me back with the, "Maybe now isn't the time to talk." I kept trying to hold a conversation, she replied, but with short messages. It was a VERY short conversation (2 hours, 5 minutes+ to respond), and I went no contact again.

 

Again, two weeks post BU, I basically found a rebound girl to help cope me through this. Meanwhile, I asked a friend about her and he tells me, "Yea man, she's got a thing with that guy you were worried about." She was infuriated with my friend when he found out. "Are you already going for another guy?" "What are you gonna do about it? Tell Justin? Go ahead."

(Keep In Mind I'm Blocked And I Guess She's TRYING To Somehow Make Me Jealous Because I Can't View Her Pics Or Text Her)

 

After another two weeks at NC, she contacted me. There were rumors spreading around her UNI that she was unfaithful to me for finding a new guy so quick and blah blah blah. She only reached out to me to argue, but I didn't spread anything. I couldn't even respond to her messages because I was blocked. She texted, "CAN YOU JUST STOP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.", but 2 minutes later she texted, "Hello?" because I couldn't respond (I'm blocked, she can send messages but I can't).

 

In short, we've just been broken up for a month,

Week 1) Breakup, Still Have Feelings, Started No Contact

Week 2) Broke No Contact, Short Conversations, Her and I Found Rebounds, Started No Contact Again

Week 3) NC (She Finds Out About my Rebound And Thinks I Had Sex With Her) (Or At Least I THINK This Is Where She Found Out)

Week 4) Halfway NC, She Starts To Accuse Me Of Rumors In Her UNI

 

Reasons Why I Think She Somewhat Still Cares:

  1. She INITIALLY Cared During The BU
  2. She Retweeted A Post About "People Need To Fall Apart To Realize How Much They Need to Fall Back Together" During The First Week
  3. I Was Her First Serious Relationship, And Maybe The G.I.G.S Is Kicking In
  4. We Have Planned Out A Future Together, She Lost Her Virginity To Me, She Always Seemed To Care So Much, Even Up Until The BU
  5. Despite Blocking Each Other On Every Social Media Platform, She Somehow Knew I Was Talking to Another Girl

 

Reasons Why I Think She Doesn't Care:

  1. Post Second Week, She Hasn't Made An Attempt To Reach Out, Or Even Be Nice
  2. All Of Her Friends Are Telling Me Shes Over Me (It Was A 1.5 yr Relationship How Could She Move On So Quickly?)
  3. Maybe It Isn't G.I.G.S And She Had This Guy Lined Up
  4. She Didn't Really Love Me Through This Time Together
  5. She Told Me She Doesn't Care About Me Anymore (During The Whole "Rumors About Me" Argument)

 

Extras:

  • We Did Have Our Fights Here And There, We Weren't Perfect But We Loved Eachother
  • She Says She Mainly Broke Up With Me Because Of An Argument That Happened 7 Months Ago And Didn't Want To Argue Anymore (I Went Out With Friends, She Thinks I Cheated, I Didn't)
  • She Says She Can't Trust Me Because Of That Time I Went Out 7 Months Ago But She Continued Dating Me Afterwards?? (Finding A Reason?)
  • She Isn't The Girl To Say Sorry, Shes A Bit Stubborn. Even If She Wanted To Get Back Together, I Know For Sure She Would Hesitate 80 Times Before Texting Me, Wanting To Reconcile
  • She Still Has My Clothes, So Hopefully Those Can Remind Her Of Me (Two Weeks Post BU, I Kind Of Asked For My Clothes Back, She Said I Could Pick Them Up Whenever And That They Still Smelled Like Me)
  • We Both Still Hold A Copy Of The Photo Booth Picture, Hopefully She Didn't Throw it Out
  • She a bit wonky, she has almost monthly panic attacks, mood swings, and anxiety (Was This Breakup An Impulse And Shes Too Scared To Say Sorry?)
  • I'm also acting cold, saying I have moved on somewhat, and yes, I am using a rebound to help me through this (Is She Doing The Same?)

 

All I'm hoping for right now is that she misses me/ is thinking about me (Although She Says She Doesn't Care). I guess I was right for being suspicious about this guy, they've only known each other for two months. I feel like now that I'm out of the picture, he's making his move, being her shoulder to cry on, that's why I think they're a thing, flirting with each other a lot. (Or So I've Been Told)

 

I don't know, maybe I just came here to tell my stupid story. What do you guys think? I REALLY want her back because I at least think she was the best, but now that I'm seeing her move on that quick, I feel like I'm half way there of moving on myself.

 

P.S.

My rebound knows shes a rebound, I told her but she said "As long as it takes for you to make it through this, I'll be here." . It's a long term friend helping me through this, but she lives 5 hours away now. It started as just help, then cute messages, the mushy messages, and now she wants to meet up with me again and hang out soon.

Edited by NotJustin
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Oh for heaven's sake.

 

You were suspicious of the other guy. When you told her she heard you not trusting her. Even if it was him you didn't trust, she felt attacked.

 

Then you rebounded into another girl. She thinks you threw away your relationship & that it didn't mean anything to you because you didn't observe what she deemed to be a sufficient period or mourning or waiting.

 

There were also other issues smoldering under the surface.

 

I think this may have run its course.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted

Did you say your clothes still smelled liked you?

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NotJustin Member

NotJustin

Posted
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Posted
Oh for heaven's sake.

 

You were suspicious of the other guy. When you told her she heard you not trusting her. Even if it was him you didn't trust, she felt attacked.

 

Then you rebounded into another girl. She thinks you threw away your relationship & that it didn't mean anything to you because you didn't observe what she deemed to be a sufficient period or mourning or waiting.

 

There were also other issues smoldering under the surface.

 

I think this may have run its course.

 

I understand what you're saying. Should've added in the extras that we both had each others accounts. At 2am, I woke up to message notification and it was him sending her a message.

Next morning, I check up on it and ask her, but the convo was deleted. She said she "deleted it on accident". She even said to me post breakup, "Don't worry about that other guy okay? He's just a friend. You're more attractive than him anyway."

She also found her rebound first (The Guy) before I found mine.

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NotJustin Member

NotJustin

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Did you say your clothes still smelled liked you?

 

Yea, this is what went down,

 

"Yo, can I get my sweaters/ shorts back when I drop off your birthday gift?" (I didn't end up going, and the gift was a handwritten jar of why I loved her, she was also fine with me coming over anyway)

 

"Yea no problem. I can wash your clothes if you want."

 

"Did you wear them again or something? What do they smell like?"

 

"I wore it at school, they still smell like you."

 

That's basically it. This was just the early weeks of the BU though.

Edited by NotJustin
sdraw108 Established Member

sdraw108

Posted
Posted

Firstly, you're not coming up with movie titles. No Need To Capitalize Every Word! :D

 

Secondly, she was obviously cheating on you with this guy, either emotionally or physically or both. It isn't a coincidence that you were suspicious of him and he's who she ended up with, nor is it a coincidence that she didn't put up much of a fight when you wanted to break up.

 

It's time to implement NC properly. You've done a half job of it: she's still able to message you. Block her like she's blocked you, and get on with your life. I don't think this relationship is savable, and even if it was, why would you want to? She cheated on you.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

She also found her rebound first (The Guy) before I found mine.

What's all this about rebounds?

 

For God's sake tell that poor girl who is hanging around "waiting" for you to go find someone who will not just use her to make his ex-gf jealous and to even the score. It is just cruel.

 

Who knows if the guy your ex is seeing is a rebound or not?

He could be the love of her life for all you know.

SHE dumped YOU and if she is no longer emotionally invested in you he is not a rebound and their relationship has as much chance of survival as any other.

 

You need to move on, for your own sake.

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NotJustin Member

NotJustin

Posted
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Posted
Firstly, you're not coming up with movie titles. No Need To Capitalize Every Word! :D

 

she was obviously cheating on you with this guy, either emotionally or physically or both. It isn't a coincidence that you were suspicious of him and he's who she ended up with, nor is it a coincidence that she didn't put up much of a fight when you wanted to break up.

 

I don't think this relationship is savable, and even if it was, why would you want to? She cheated on you.

 

She probably was emotionally cheating on me, and you're right, she didn't put up a fight for us. I should add more onto the "Extras", because this isn't our first breakup call. She's tried to breakup with me before, multiple times. Most of the time it was out of impulses (What I've been told by her), like a stupid fight or when she feels really upset, but the next day she apologizes. She never fought for us.

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted

Justin (or not?), it’s time to move on. You’re coming across as needy, she’s tried to end it plenty of times before. I can imagine you constructed messages to ‘win’ her back similar to your original post. She has been desperate to get away from you for a while, let her go.

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NotJustin Member

NotJustin

Posted
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Posted
What's all this about rebounds?

 

For God's sake tell that poor girl who is hanging around "waiting" for you to go find someone who will not just use her to make his ex-gf jealous and to even the score. It is just cruel.

 

Who knows if the guy your ex is seeing is a rebound or not?

He could be the love of her life for all you know.

 

You need to move on, for your own sake.

 

I've honestly been thinking to end it with the girl before it gets to far, it isn't fair for me to hurt her the way I was hurt. I wasn't the first to reach out to the girl, nor was I trying to make my ex jealous. She reached out, wanting to help, and it snowballed from there.

 

My ex filled my head with all of these pretty lies, "I don't like him," "I'll always love you," "What are we going to name our kids," "I hope you'll end up being my guy :')".

 

She just cemented the idea of us being together until the end. She told me she wanted kids with me, she told me there was no other guy that she would want to be with, and she even said, "When we grow old, what'll happen to us? I don't want to spend another 5 years of being alone without you if you die first."

 

She didn't have to say all of those things if she didn't mean them. It hurts that I believe her lies more than her honesty.

 

If "I love you" was a promise, would you break it, if you're honest.

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