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First kiss and with a tongue.

Carlotte

By Carlotte
in Dating

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Carlotte Member

Carlotte

Posted
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Hello,

 

I have met a guy online. We went on three dates, it was nice, we have a lot in common, he was always walking me home. I was trying dating online for quite a long time and I couldn't meet anyone decent and even though I'm 25 I am not very experienced in dating. However, after our last date he was walking me home, we were talking and when he were saying goodbye he kissed me.. with a tongue and said "Well, that's a nice way of saying goodbye". I was just standing there shocked, quickly said goodbye and left. We didn't even had any physical contact before, like holding hands or something.. it was out of blue. With the guys I was seeing before (even though there weren't many of them) there was a little bit of physical contact prior to the kiss and our first kisses were very subtile. He didn't seem to be a creep until this kiss. Now he wants to meet again and I don't know what to do. Should I tell him I didn't like what he has done or just tell him over the phone we shouldn't see each other again because we are not meant to be (as I think what he has done was inappropriate and telling him won't change anything).

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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geeeez relax. There are some guys out there that are clueless in how to do the move in for a kiss, and what it takes to get to that point. There are plenty who have posted on this site about it. The felt they should just plant one without any warning because they are so nervous, they just push themselves to do it.

 

Now, communication is key in any situation. Yes tell him how it made you feel, that it was too much too soon. Then see what his reaction with be. If he is embarrassed and apologizes, then that's means he's probably shy and a little inexperienced, and will comply. But if he gets defensive about it, ditch the guy.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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When he contacts you again just say "I'm sorry but I'm not interested. Good luck!" and move on with your life.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Oh boy.

 

 

If you were so horrified by his actions by all means never see him again.

 

 

That said, at 25, assuming you are dating men your age, they will expect kissing early on. The fact that this guy waited 3 dates tells me he showed a LOT of restraint & given your admission that you are inexperienced, I suspect that he did telegraph the kiss but you missed the signals. It is possible he just ambushed you; I had an OLD date do that. It was unpleasant & I ended our acquaintance right then & there.

 

 

In all candor my husband waited until our 4th date to kiss me & I was quite annoyed at his slow pace. He didn't even give me the chance to make the first move. I was so dumbfounded by what seemed to me to be his lack of interest, that I was fully prepared to break up with him that day.

 

 

I am not saying you need to be kissing men on the 3rd date if that is not what you want, but I am recommending that you brush up on what the signals look like. Granted they can include prior physical contact -- hand holding or even a dance first, some lingering staring into each other's eyes (my personal favorite) but going forward if you can better see it coming you can be prepared, including the option to deflect if that is your choice.

  • Like 2
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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By 3 dates, most people will have exchanged a kiss, especially if there is mutual romantic interest.

 

We tell guys all the time on here that if the woman doesn't show interest, it's because she's not interested--so he was seeing if this was the case with you and he's gotten his answer.

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Carlotte Member

Carlotte

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I am not surprised there was a kiss on our third date, I was ready for the kiss and I wanted it to happen, I just expected something more subtile at least at the very beginning especially we didn't have any physical contact before. I was just wondering if isn't is creepy/weird or maybe as someone said he may be inexperienced or socially awkward.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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His actions were not creepy or weird. Your expectations were immature / underdeveloped. I don't mean in a nasty condescending way but teenagers have chaste 1st kisses. Adults kiss you like they mean it, they way he did.

  • Like 5
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I am not surprised there was a kiss on our third date, I was ready for the kiss and I wanted it to happen, I just expected something more subtile at least at the very beginning especially we didn't have any physical contact before. I was just wondering if isn't is creepy/weird or maybe as someone said he may be inexperienced or socially awkward.

 

You don't have experience dating, by your own admission, but now that you're well into adulthood, you need to understand that if a man has romantic interest in you, he's going to kiss you in a way that will convey that interest. He's not going to kiss you like he's kissing his aunt.

 

It would seem the inexperience is on your side, not his, given your reaction and befuddledness on how to proceed.

  • Author
Carlotte Member

Carlotte

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I am inexperienced that's for sure. That is why I ask for some opinions. It was just odd to me that he just put his tongue in my mouth without any "teasing" at the beginning. I've never experienced something like that before.

Saracena Established Member

Saracena

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Are you actually attracted to him, though?

  • Like 2
jjgitties Established Member

jjgitties

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Don't read into it too much. Sounds like the guy was a little unsure of how to do it so he just for it and took the leap.

 

That said, you may also not want to discuss your over analysis of that first kiss with him and why did he or didn't he kiss without much hand holding prior. If a woman I was dating would to do that... It would be a big red flag to me. Meaning, if she is so over analyzing a first kiss... What is she going to do when something else happens?

  • Like 1
Yosemite Established Member

Yosemite

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A tongue down the throat without any lead up isn’t a good sign in my opinion. He wasn’t really paying attention to your body language either. It’s pretty hard to go for a tongue kiss on someone who is expecting butterfly kisses without completely ignoring your partner.

 

If you want to give him another chance OP, that’s fine, but his inability to read body language and take you into account is going to manifest itself in more ways than one.

  • Like 1
1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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I'm with Yosemite. I remember dating someone when I was 26, and on our 2nd date, he went in for a kiss and his tongue immediately went down my throat. There were no little kisses leading up to it, and it was a total turn off. But I continued to date him, and eventually he ended up being an (ex) fiancé.

 

His inability to want to read my cues or get to know what I liked when it came to physical intimacy was a sign of his immense self absorption - which ultimately ended our engagement. Thank god!

 

Talk to him and then watch his actions.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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I can understand why you were a bit taken aback at this sudden, very intimate kiss. It is unusual without any lead-up. Having said that, I bet he has been agonising over kissing you every time you both met. He probably decided just to go for it and then overdid it. I think he may be very inexperienced and may not have kissed a girl before.

 

I would mention it to him, perhaps saying it was very full on for a first kiss, maybe ask him if he got a bit carried away ... He might say something at that point if it was lack of experience. Whatever you say, I think it should sound supportive but also make clear that a lead-up is the way forward.

 

I would give him one chance to show you that this was him not knowing what to do rather than being too intimate too fast. If you are not happy with future behaviour, then you will know it was not a one-off thing.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I am inexperienced that's for sure. That is why I ask for some opinions. It was just odd to me that he just put his tongue in my mouth without any "teasing" at the beginning. I've never experienced something like that before.

 

Have you ever been kissed before?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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You are inexperienced. Sounds to me he isn't very smooth about it either. Just bring it up and get it over with.

 

BTW it's not odd for the experienced to go full on french kiss...me it can be the first date. I'm aggressive and bold..if I want to kiss I'm gonna do it.

  • Like 1
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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A tongue down the throat without any lead up isn’t a good sign in my opinion.

 

Did she say tongue down the throat? There's a big difference between a little tongue and tongue down the throat, doncha think?

 

Consider the possibility that some women might have thought it was a really nice first kiss. And it was the third date... I've heard rumors that some people have sex by the third date.

  • Like 2
Yosemite Established Member

Yosemite

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Did she say tongue down the throat? There's a big difference between a little tongue and tongue down the throat, doncha think?

 

Well, let’s take a peek at what the OP says:

 

It was just odd to me that he just put his tongue in my mouth without any "teasing" at the beginning.

 

Sounds like a tongue down the throat…it’s an expression, the tongue doesn’t actually enter the throat you know.

 

Consider the possibility that some women might have thought it was a really nice first kiss. And it was the third date... I've heard rumors that some people have sex by the third date.

 

So what? Because some other woman, who he wasn’t kissing, might have liked that kiss, the OP isn’t allowed to not like the kiss? Is that your point? What does what other women like have to do with this? The OP didn’t like it…is it OK with you that the OP kisses in a way that she likes, or does she have to kiss how other people like?

 

And what does sex have to do with this? Are you saying that because some women have sex on the third date that that means the OP should be OK with a first kiss that she considers to be over the top because the kiss occurred on the third date? With that logic we can say, some women wait until marriage to have sex therefore anything beyond hand holding before marriage is too much. See how that doesn’t work?

 

The only people who have to be OK with a particular kiss are the two people participating in that kiss. And in this case, the OP thought it was too much. The fact that other people might’ve liked it is so beyond irrelevant. He can go find those people and kiss them or he can pay attention to the OP’s body language and kiss her in a way that they both enjoy.

Edited by Yosemite
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