His parents wont let us to be together because I'm from "average" family

[Jabigaill]

Almost 5 years ago, I started my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. He is my first love my bestfriend, and he is a very loving person, therefore I love him very very much.

 

After approx. 1 year of our relationship, his father started to force my boyfriend to cut off the relationship with me. My boyfriend has tried to convience his father many times that he was in love with me and also I even have not met him in person not even once, but his father was to logical that everything that affects him and family should come first more than his feeling.

 

His father was so against me because I am just average while he is from wealthy family. He said to my boyfriend that one day I will burden him because of this. The truth is that I dont even bother about his wealth. I just want to be with him and anyway my family can still support me so I never do anything that burden him at all. As we both cannot accept this but he had to break up with me because of some threats that his father gave to him, he broke up with me in front of his parents but he still in relationship with me "behind the scene".

 

For more than 3 years, we cover up this relationship from his father and hoping that we can fight this together until we are both successful enough in our carreer and his father will accept me eventually. However, a few months ago, my boyfriend started to feel guilty about this and he said that his family has done too much for him that he could not "betray" or against his family in the end because of this relationship.

 

At the same time, he was also feel guilty for me because I am getting older, as a woman it will be more difficult for an old woman to search for new relationship that old man right? At that moment, I really do not know what to do. As I love him so much, I convinced him to stay and fight for this. And we both agreed that we set 6 years from now is the limit for us to fight for this relationship (I'm 20 btw fyi).

 

But a few days ago my sister gave an advice to me that my relationship cannot be like this. My family will not be different significantly in 5 years and therefore his father actually has to accept me for me not because of my family. My sister said it is better for me to end this or fight in front of his father's face. Maybe talk to him or do something.

 

When I told this to my boyfriend, he said at this moment when we dont have anything, he doesnt want me to do something (talk or meet his father) since his father can go crazy and does something that can hurt me so much. He said it is like we are fighting in a battle field without armor and weapons and just waiting for us to get shot right in the heads.

 

As we talked more, we kind of agreed that this relationship cannot be like this. He has to lie to his parents all the time and at the end he wont be able to fight against me if his father says "no". At the same time, my family wont change to be wealthy in 5 years and I have to stay in very uncertain situation in the relationship.

 

So we broke up yesterday and said to each other if we are meant to be together, eventually in the future destiny will bring us back at the right time and situation. But this is very difficult for me to accept the truth that I just lost the person I love that has been there with me for more than 4 years, not because of us but because of his father that even judge me before he knew me.

 

Can you give me some advice on this? Did I take a bad decision? Is it ok if i'm still hoping that I can be with him someday in better timing? Thank you and sorry for the very long sad story

Edited November 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[d0nnivain]

You & your BF tried to make life changing decisions when you were very young. If you are 20 now & have been together for 5 years, you were only 15 when this started. Then it was all about love, hearts & flowers. Although your BF's parents were pressuring him, you two chose love in part because there weren't very many consequences. As you enter your 20s / adulthood, the stakes are higher. Your sister & your BF realize that now is the time you have to start thinking about things like marriage & interfamily dynamics. As much as he thought he could be his own man, do what he wants & sneak around behind his family's back with you, your BF has come to realize that his family is important to him & he's not wiling to be completely cut himself off. Alas that means he is choosing them over you.

 

All you can do is accept it. Sorry.