Zuzupa Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 Might as well bite the bullet and lay it all out there. I stumbled across this forum while googling all the usual 'stages of grief after breakup' and what not. I'm guessing quite a few have done that. Anything to try and break down and simplify the feelings. Allow me to shamelessly tell the story. I am currently still in love with my ex. A woman who was once in love with me and seemed to accept parts of me that I even struggled to. She is the most selfless person I have ever met and we just 'clicked' in every way. I will admit that in the year and a half that we were together, I didn't show how I felt about her often enough. I neglected the little 'tried and true' gestures because I wanted to be original (thought that originality showed more effort). As the relationship progressed, we went out less and didn't do as much fun stuff together (10 miles between us/she had a car and I didn't/I worked a lot of weekends/she made more money than me). Each thing got in the way as I either had no money or no time. We went abroad and did a few other good things this year, though. Anyway, I moved in with her earlier this year. I was still working weekends (she works weekdays) but we at least saw each other on weekday evenings. It wasn't ideal but it was progress. I was still adjusting to living with her when she went abroad with her parents in September. When she returned she said she didn't love me any more and didn't miss me when she was away for 2 weeks. Now she has told me that it was due to the lack of gestures on my part, and just not feeling 'loved'. While she may not have felt loved, I always felt a lot stronger towards her than she thought. I feel the stress of my work situation etc distracted me from appreciating her and it did ultimately kill the relationship. Not me as a person, but the situation (or so I keep telling myself). Now it's been about 7 weeks since we split. I had to leave her place and slept on a friend's living room floor back in my hometown till I secured a new place. Suddenly my work situation is a lot better (no more late weekends) and I really just want to give her the best of me. The grief has not faded (loss of appetite, constantly thinking about her and worrying about her meeting someone else) I don't need to give the ugly details but anyone who has been through this will know. I've vented to my friends but don't want to be a burden and really I just want to hear back from someone who understands. It could be advice on winning her over or getting over her, it doesn't matter. If anyone has any questions I will be happy to answer. Also since I'm signed up to this site now I will also do my part in contributing.
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 Your best bet is strict no contact. Block her on everything and don't look back at this. If. It then you'll linger where you are longer than necessary
rubyjuly Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 Might as well bite the bullet and lay it all out there. I stumbled across this forum while googling all the usual 'stages of grief after breakup' and what not. I'm guessing quite a few have done that. Anything to try and break down and simplify the feelings. Allow me to shamelessly tell the story. I am currently still in love with my ex. A woman who was once in love with me and seemed to accept parts of me that I even struggled to. She is the most selfless person I have ever met and we just 'clicked' in every way. I will admit that in the year and a half that we were together, I didn't show how I felt about her often enough. I neglected the little 'tried and true' gestures because I wanted to be original (thought that originality showed more effort). As the relationship progressed, we went out less and didn't do as much fun stuff together (10 miles between us/she had a car and I didn't/I worked a lot of weekends/she made more money than me). Each thing got in the way as I either had no money or no time. We went abroad and did a few other good things this year, though. Anyway, I moved in with her earlier this year. I was still working weekends (she works weekdays) but we at least saw each other on weekday evenings. It wasn't ideal but it was progress. I was still adjusting to living with her when she went abroad with her parents in September. When she returned she said she didn't love me any more and didn't miss me when she was away for 2 weeks. Now she has told me that it was due to the lack of gestures on my part, and just not feeling 'loved'. While she may not have felt loved, I always felt a lot stronger towards her than she thought. I feel the stress of my work situation etc distracted me from appreciating her and it did ultimately kill the relationship. Not me as a person, but the situation (or so I keep telling myself). Now it's been about 7 weeks since we split. I had to leave her place and slept on a friend's living room floor back in my hometown till I secured a new place. Suddenly my work situation is a lot better (no more late weekends) and I really just want to give her the best of me. The grief has not faded (loss of appetite, constantly thinking about her and worrying about her meeting someone else) I don't need to give the ugly details but anyone who has been through this will know. I've vented to my friends but don't want to be a burden and really I just want to hear back from someone who understands. It could be advice on winning her over or getting over her, it doesn't matter. If anyone has any questions I will be happy to answer. Also since I'm signed up to this site now I will also do my part in contributing. Sorry for your pain and loss. 7 weeks is way too short to expect to be "all better"--- loss of a significant relationship is huge so take it easy and just take care of yourself and try to look at it as a marathon not a sprint
Author Zuzupa Posted November 25, 2017 Author Posted November 25, 2017 Thanks for the replies folks. I agree with both points and I'm trying to keep contact to a minimum (I will admit I have my moments of weakness, and she still has some of my stuff). Time should heal everything but my mind just keeps gravitating to 'what if your life is never that good again even if you do stop pining over her?'. Thing is, as people we matched brilliantly. We never had screaming matches or disagreed on much. In my mind a bad situation killed us and it almost inhibits any closure as opposed to if we were just a bad fit.
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