Trip1 Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 I'm a 16 year old sophomore who needs some advice. I've fallen for this beautiful girl who I've known since freshman year. We had one class together and the same group of friends but we ourselves didnt talk much freshman year. Our families have become friends and I've started to hang out with her more recently. The more I see her and get to know her, the more attracted to her I get. I learned (from her mom) that in middle school, she was really introverted and was to nervous to talk to "cute guys." I also used to be really nervous around pretty girls and could barely articulate sentences. She is the same. When we first started talking and hanging out more, she'd get visibly nervous and get kinda quiet and respond awkwardly to questions I'd ask her or compliments I'd give her. I noticed this and realized she was feeling the same way I used to feel. So in order to not overwhelm/intimidate her, I decided to take it slow, and started focusing on just hanging out with her and getting to know her. Recently, she's gotten less nervous around me and has started to come out of her shell. Her mom who is good friends with mine said that she always is happier whenever she gets back from hanging out with me. Her mother also said that someone told her how I felt and she was elated. Now heres the problems: 1. She's notorious for turning down every guy that has ever asked her out. One baked her a cake and asked her to homecoming, another got her flowers and asked her to homecoming, another got her a huge poster. All of them were turned down. 2. She gets nervous and quiet when I try to talk to her in front of our friends/her friends. 3. Her mother told me she's always had this wierd "emotional block" when it comes to guys, but I was the only acception so far. Out of every guy so far, I've gotten the farthest without being immediately shut out. But she still is unintentionally using this push-pull tactic thats driving me crazy. For example, she'll barely acknowledge me at school, but when its just us away from our friends, she's less nervous and more talkative. The most recent time we hung out at her house and we baked cookies together. She didn't seem very nervous and was carrying on every conversation we had. She laughed at jokes I would tell and was all over my little brother (who is 10). My little brother told her that he thought we'd be a cute couple while I was in the bathroom and she told him that she didn't see me in that way. But she gave my little brother her number and said she would talk to him more about me. I didn't find this out until later and decided to text her when i got home. I said "Thanks for teaching me how to bake! I had a lot of fun tonight!" and she didn't respond, yet she like my instagram post and sent out snap chat streaks minutes later. This is where this doesn't add up. She told her mom that she had feelings for me, yet she tells her friends that she doesn't like anyone right now. So after a lot of over analyzing and a stressful, sleepless night, I did a lot of research and found this forum. Any advice whatsoever will help.
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 You have already started on the path to winning her trust which will be key to winning her heart. She was probably overwhelmed by the boys who popped up out of seemingly no where with all the elaborate plans to ask her out. Next time you are hanging out, talk to her about that or at least how it makes you feel when she doesn't talk to you around your mutual friends. Right now with respect to the friends she is most likely so hung up on how she's feeling, she didn't think about how her shyness hurts you. If you have another event coming up at school like the homecoming dance start talking about the event in advance. Don't ask her to go with you just yet, just talk about it. What it is. When & where? Ask what she thinks of it. Plant the seed. Then start talking about how you would like a date to it. Again don't mention anything. Do have at least one of those conversations about the event in front of her friends. Let them sell her on the idea of going with you. If you get positive feedback, then you can ask her. For a little added incentive, before you ask, get your mom to tell her mom about the plan. The mom may give her daughter the gentle push she needs to accept your invitation. Please note: this advice only works because you are in high school. For any adult men reading this, never talk to the woman's mother.
act00 Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 I'm wondering if part of this rejection has to do with the pomp around the actual ask. I look back at some of the actions from boys back then, and I really couldn't see the forest for the trees. I didn't believe I was desirable or they *really* liked me, and a lot of guys were just after sex. Gossip abounded, and there were players and "easy girls," etc. It's a very difficult place in life, and she's pretty shy, so she's extremely unsure where to go. In front of her friends, she's going to "play it cool," and she's shy and doesn't know how to behave, possibly avoiding public attention. Your moms are really bridging a huge gap here for you two...and the little brother...and as said, this is okay in HS...not for grownups. You have inside information that she does like you, so this is good. I agree to keep things lower key. Talk about this event first, then ask if she would like to join you. It seems all the rage to do this major show of asking with props and fluff, but there's something to be said about just simply asking, because you would like to go out with her. You don't have to keep up with the Jones' here and put on a huge display on the ask. It seems like it freaks her out, and in many cases, not really genuine. You're genuine in this platonic friendship you've grown, and let's see if we can get a next step. Do you think it would be too much to see if she'd like to go see a movie? No major pressure to talk, but maybe you can hold her hand, then afterwards, get some ice cream, go to a coffee shop? She might be more comfortable at a school function if you break the ice beforehand. Maybe some minigolf, or an activity that doesn't require more intimate one-on-one...some distraction and source of conversation.
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