IFDDS Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 Hey all! So I'm heading over here to air out my thoughts a bit on my current dating situation and hope I could get some helpful feedback on it. I, (M25), have been seeing a girl (25) for about 2.5 months now. Generally things have gone quite well, we are both into each other, we meet 1-2 times a week and usually have a good time doing some various activities together, such as cooking, museums, drinks, movies, movie night at my place etc. I do need to say that I am struggling a bit with anxiety and obsessive thinking, which I am seeing somebody for but all in all my anxiety is a very minor issue. She spent the most of the weekend with me and during that time we had a lot of sex, which was great. However, at the start of the week, I started to feel a bit anxious about the whole relationship. I haven't seen her since. What is worrying me is that I don't feel like I want to have sex with her right now and I feel a bit flat-lined. We jumped quite quickly into sex after the second date and I think the whole thing was driven a bit on the physical part in the beginning. After a month, I started to get a feeling that I want to date her exclusively and a couple of weeks ago I told her that I'd like this to become a relationship and she felt the same way. Up until now, I feel like I have done most of the planning for dates although she has done some of them. This has made me feel a bit insecure as I think maybe it should be more or less 50/50 when it comes to planning? We always have a great time nevertheless:) Also as a person in relationships, I need quite a bit of reassurance. I like to text quite a bit throughout the day if I have something interesting to talk to her about or there is something fun going on around me. She texts me quite a bit as well and initiates, but I got this nagging feeling that I am putting in more effort on that part.. I think about her all day long, probably because I am a bit infatuated. However, I keep busy with work, school, hobbies and friends. Honestly, this is how I am and I can't help it:laugh: Furthermore, she doesn't show affection that much until we have had sex. In conclusion, I feel I have been overthinking everything once again and my mind has gone too much in circles and now it just kinda shut down? Should I talk to her about this? I kinda feel it's too early to discuss too heavy topics like this. Would it be weird for me to slow down on the sex? How would she react? Thanks in advance for ideas/tips/cents!
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 Stop keeping score. She is letting you lead because you are the man. It's not lack of interest; it's social conditioning. Say something like -- why don't you plan the next date? We can do anything you want. Don't get into this big deep discussion of your concerns & anxieties. Give yourself permission to just go with the flow. It's too early to be planning everything. Enjoy. Have fun. Stop stressing & over thinking. 5
Gaeta Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 Grow some confidence, women want to feel safe in a relationship, not that it's a constant game of keeping track of who does what and having to prrove ourselfs constantly. I agree with D0nnivain just tell her you'd like her to plan the next date and you'll go along with anything she feels like doing. Slowing down on sex on purpose is blackmail in my book. It's not how you build a solid long term relationship. It's game playing and a destructive one. Intimicy in a relationship is the glue that holds everything together and you're basicaly saying you'll stop keeping this relaitonship together, what do you think you'll accomplish doing this? Communication is better than game playing. 3
BaileyB Posted November 25, 2017 Posted November 25, 2017 You are creating problems where they don't exist. You have some good suggestions above. Try to relax and enjoy this relationship. 1
Author IFDDS Posted November 27, 2017 Author Posted November 27, 2017 Stop keeping score. She is letting you lead because you are the man. It's not lack of interest; it's social conditioning. Say something like -- why don't you plan the next date? We can do anything you want. Don't get into this big deep discussion of your concerns & anxieties. Give yourself permission to just go with the flow. It's too early to be planning everything. Enjoy. Have fun. Stop stressing & over thinking. Great, thanks for this. Good stuff. I guess I just needed an outside perspective on this. I have a history with some trust issues when it comes to people as I had some quite ****ty friends in the past. Putting myself out there to just trust someone really challenges me and I start doing exactly this, which is definitely not good. Need to work on that and be more confident. Thanks again!
Author IFDDS Posted November 27, 2017 Author Posted November 27, 2017 Grow some confidence, women want to feel safe in a relationship, not that it's a constant game of keeping track of who does what and having to prrove ourselfs constantly. I agree with D0nnivain just tell her you'd like her to plan the next date and you'll go along with anything she feels like doing. Slowing down on sex on purpose is blackmail in my book. It's not how you build a solid long term relationship. It's game playing and a destructive one. Intimicy in a relationship is the glue that holds everything together and you're basicaly saying you'll stop keeping this relaitonship together, what do you think you'll accomplish doing this? Communication is better than game playing. The point wasn't to do it on purpose, something just felt kinda conflicting in me for some reason and it probably had nothing to do with her. I think it's my own insecurities creeping out and playing tricks with my mind. Like I mentioned, I have a slight problem with anxiety and trust issues. I needed some perspective and all the comments helped. Thank you!
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