Ex acting emotional and dramatic... invited me over?

[oneHighFlyer]

My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. Relationship was going well but she was anxious that she didn't feel like she was at a point in her life where she was ready to make a long term commitment, so we ended it.

 

I saw/spoke to her for the first time in 3 months at a party last night, and it made her very emotional. I had a great time but she messaged me all day today saying how bad she feels about everything.

 

Tonight she invited me over to her house. Only to be followed by another message, after I didn't reply, saying she is feeling sad and just needs someone to make her feel better......great.

 

I didn't take that very well, and she's convinced that I hate her, saying she feels like an idiot (wanting attention), that she misses me so much and that she wishes we didnt rush into things and that she 'regrets so much'. I love this girl dearly but I only want to entertain this if she genuinely wants me back. Should I go over there and talk to her? Without getting roped up in an emotional mess... Should I call her out on her bull**** so she knows I'm serious, or just ignore her completely?

Edited November 23, 2017 by oneHighFlyer

[Ieris]

@oneHighFlyer ~ I think you're right to be cautious, the last thing you want is for her to dash your hopes after you show interest again. I understand that she misses you but that does not mean she wants a long term committed relationship so I don't see why you have to be her emotion blanket to make her feel good again. Personally I don't waste time waiting around for someone who doesn't know that they want.

[act00]

I think the only way you're going to know if she's ready is if you actually pursue a relationship with her, and this of course carries some serious risk. She misses you, yes. The grass is always greener, and when you're not there, she misses it, but when you're there, she may feel stifled and unready and this isn't what she wants after all...this could ping-pong indefinitely.

 

I would probably allow one more try, but proceed with caution with the full understanding this will fail. It didn't work the first time, so what is going to make this time any different? It probably won't be different...I'm a glutton for punishment; this is what I do, but my motivation is that I don't want to give up on a good thing, and I have to feel good, in my mind, that I tried. I don't want to look back on "what if." Outside of "red-flag" behavior, if you want to give it one more try, be careful if you do. It's probably not going to be different, and you'll end up back here again, when she bails again. It's your choice to make...just maintain some boundaries and understand the potential heartache.

 

It is not your job to make her happy. She has to be happy all by herself.

[d0nnivain]

Recognize she is not being mean or playing games. She's is a but clueless due to her anxiety. She may want you but she also may not be capable of being in a relationship.

 

Hear her out but do be cautious. Ask a LOT of questions when you see her:

 

What does she think went wrong?

 

What would she do differently if she could turn back time?

 

How will she prevent it from going wrong this time?

 

Exactly what does she think changed in 4 mere months?

 

Does she actually think you are responsible for making her happy?

 

If she's not happy in her life, why on earth does she think she's in a healthy enough place to be in a relationship now?

 

What's her vision for relationship 2.0?

 

What are her expectations of you & how you two will interact going forward?

 

Does she understand how much you hurt her & that if she plays with your feelings again, there will be no coming back from this?

 

Again, hear her out. If you like what you hear try again. If she's jerking your chain, be done with her. Do take most of what she says with a grain of salt.

Edited November 23, 2017 by d0nnivain