Jdoublenn Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 After 60hours hailing a truck/horse trailer across the country(no stops) except for fuel, I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. Clearly emotionally, physically, & mentally exhausted and probably not he right time to push for answers, but it needed to be said... I laid it all out there for him 10 minutes ago. I said I'm willing to work on our relationship, I'm willing to do whatever we need to, I'm completely 100% devoted to us and getting a. Handle on our problems so we can try to find a healthy balance and have a good relationship again.. I told him "I only want you and I want to make this work... but you feel so back and forth I'm not about to keep wasting my time. His typical comeback was 'I don't know'." So I said "then I'll find someone who doesn't have to think twice, and will never tell me "I don't know". Peace out. He is now blocked on EVERYTHING social media, phone number included. 0 contact available between us now. I just know he'll try and come running back in a day or two saying how much he loves me and he's sorry blah blah f*cking blah. But he can't do that anymore. I'm ashamed. Ashamed and disgusted at how this all went down and how I let my guard down with him FINALLY and the second things don't go his way he decides to run. But come back, and run, but come back. But then again, I'm hopeful. Hopeful that I can stick to ridding my life of him... and hopeful that this is the start of something new in my life. I'm praying tonight, as distraught as I am, for strength. I NEED to stick to it this time. I NEED to believe it's not meant to be and one day I'll find someone who is who Trey was in the beginning; loyal, loving, onbservant, kind, generous. Minus the drinking problems, and emotional/verbal abuse, he used to really TRY. And the second he stopped I should've known. I'm praying I find MYSELF again... TIA for reading. This is gong to be a tough one that's for sure., I may follow up with some updates here later. . .
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 Well, good for you for putting it all out there & trying to get this relationship on a track that works for you. Sometimes you are just done when the other person continues to waffle. I had to do that with somebody years ago. When he came running back I was just too angry to hear what he had to say. It was hard. Some days I worried & wondered if I made the right decision. Years later & through today I am sure that I did. I hope you find the same level of peace whichever way this turns out for you. 1
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 23, 2017 Author Posted November 23, 2017 What has he done wrong? Too much to even explain. And I totally would sit here and recap our history but it's a waste of breath. Just like the last month I spent trying to fight to save our relationship. He'll regret all that sh*t tomorrow or the next day(being drunk and acting all nonchallant). Try and come back around when he feels lonely or misses me again. But he fuc*ed up for life there. I'm so disgusted with myself for this whole thing. It's thanksgiving and I don't even want to see anyone.
HumanMachine Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 I assume you have blocked him on everything then?
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 I assume you have blocked him on everything then? Of course lol. Written in the 3rd paragraph He is now blocked on EVERYTHING social media, phone number included. 0 contact available between us now. I just know he'll try and come running back in a day or two saying how much he loves me and he's sorry blah blah f*cking blah. But he can't do that anymore.
JimmyNYC Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 great job. I'm super proud of you and support you 100% on this decision. It's not working for you and you feel you are not being respected and getting the love, engagement, and admiration you need out of a healthy relationship, then get out and stay out.. They usually never change. It just keeps getting worse. I just broke up with somebody that was not giving me what I needed. Best decision of my life as broken hearted as I've been.
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 To be 100% honest, i blocked him after the last message i sent, so i didn't have to see if/when he replied to my last message. Also so it didn't turn into an argument. I may unblock him but 1000000% will NOT text him first again at any point. I have been reading up on the 180 stuff and I know it applies to marriages and separation but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to apply to my situation too. He still loves me after the 2 yrs just doesnt want to commit, being across the country AND feeling like its easier to ahve his cake and eat it to. Texting and being sweet when it suits him but then slamming on the breaks when he overthinks his situation. I know i love him and want him, which he knows. But i also know im stronger than being an "option". This is the thread I've been reading from LoveShack.. It gives a lot of good points which will be in affect as of today. No pushing for answers, no initiated contact, no "care" in thr world. Just me being busy and finding my own happiness. Which, PS, moving home to California was a HUGE push in that direction. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce So do you think thats dumb of me? To unblock his # just to see when he texts finally and see what he says (but not initiate in any way). I know it would be months and months before it would ever work out after this, even if he came back next week and said he's all in. I wouldn't believe him anymore and it would take a long time to even take him seriously. Or maybe I'll have moved on by then who knows. But i want to keep the door "open" on my side just in case. Not that he'll know ... As far as he knows I'm done since he's "not sure" if he wants to be together. Ive read the "No Contact" threads but are there anything else that would help me to read and become familiar with in this situation.
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 great job. I'm super proud of you and support you 100% on this decision. It's not working for you and you feel you are not being respected and getting the love, engagement, and admiration you need out of a healthy relationship, then get out and stay out.. They usually never change. It just keeps getting worse. I just broke up with somebody that was not giving me what I needed. Best decision of my life as broken hearted as I've been. Thank you! It killed me to do it last night, and I'm almost glad i was exhausted almost to the point of delirium, and a couple beers in, when it all came out because I called him out on it-point blank-and then stood up for myself! Im not about to sit here and wait while he "decides" what he wants anymore. I ended it when he was being an ass but then told him I want to work on things. And since then hes been back and forth. He'll regret his decision he made last night I'm sure. To bring up my emotions like they were some type of annoying deterrent, yet not even a month ago he was on the phone crying for me to come back to Ohio. Pus*y move, boy. I just hope I can keep up this strength. And I know its a little different bc I'm not in the "OW" type situation, and he loves me and tells me that, But it kind of feels similar in a way. But if he's not all in, I am NOT an option.
Highndry Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 When it comes to affairs of the heart, life's too short for wishy-washy flakes. He's lucky to have a woman who laid it on the line and told him she wanted a future with him. Good luck to you. 1
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 When it comes to affairs of the heart, life's too short for wishy-washy flakes. He's lucky to have a woman who laid it on the line and told him she wanted a future with him. Good luck to you. I appreciate that. Its insane how quickly things have change in the last month. Before that he NEVER was this way at all. He was ALL in all the time no matter what. Now hes "not sure" and I'm the one thats like, waiting or wanting to try more than he does. I know that gives me every reason to run... So we'll see how this goes. Im definitely not going to push him anymore whatsoever. I laid my feelings on the line. Balls in his court, and he wont be hearing from me (first) again. 1
Highndry Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 (edited) I appreciate that. Its insane how quickly things have change in the last month. Before that he NEVER was this way at all. He was ALL in all the time no matter what. Now hes "not sure" and I'm the one thats like, waiting or wanting to try more than he does. I know that gives me every reason to run... So we'll see how this goes. Im definitely not going to push him anymore whatsoever. I laid my feelings on the line. Balls in his court, and he wont be hearing from me (first) again. I found myself in a similar relationship with somebody who didn't appreciate me, was giving low effort and was extremely selfish. The good things that she did early in the relationship slowly faded, I guess because that wasn't the real her. I'm somebody who doesn't throw in the towel easily, and in the future I think I need to learn to actually do it sooner. I don't know many guys who work an entire day, come home beat, cook dinner for her, then give her a full body massage and a mind-blowing orgasm when they're so tired and sore that all they want to do is retreat to a quiet spot and sit down, and decompress. I did that more times than I can count. Edited November 24, 2017 by Highndry
Author Jdoublenn Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 I found myself in a similar relationship with somebody who didn't appreciate me, was giving low effort and was extremely selfish. The good things that she did early in the relationship slowly faded, I guess because that wasn't the real her. I'm somebody who doesn't throw in the towel easily, and in the future I think I need to learn to actually do it sooner. I don't know many guys who work an entire day, come home beat, cook dinner for her, then give her a full body massage and a mind-blowing orgasm when they're so tired and sore that all they want to do is retreat to a quiet spot and sit down, and decompress. I did that more times than I can count. Thats crazy and like I said, (your story) used to be him! After I left him in Ohio everythings been different. Im sure he's tired of being hurt(when i leave) but he knows the BS he put me through is why i had to leave. Had to stand up for myself. I think now he's on a high horse making a ton of money and busy with an amazing job and probably just doesn't feel like "working" on anything to fix our relationship. But the second he misses me or gets lonely I'm the first one he calls. Im real easy to be around and i LOVE taking care of my man. So I know the second he tries with someone else and realizes how good he had it with me, he'll wish he had manned up. 1
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