Jxmpy Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 I’ve started talking to this girl a week ago. Things started off really well, texting back and forth and what not. One night, we get into a deep convo talking about everything family, food, movies, etc. we were having a great time. This was in person. Finally I asked her about going out some time. She said yes. Then she said she can’t because recently she broke up with her ex about 2 weeks ago, and that it hit her emotionally and she told me she wasn’t ready, but she still said that we can text. Then I asked her maybe if we keep talking that she’ll change her mind and she said possibly. She was cheated on, but she remained strong and was laughing and having a good time. We have a lot in common and I’m interested in this girl, but I feel bad that she just broke up not too long ago. I don’t know what to do. I want us to get somewhere.
Nilfiry Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 I say go along with her for a short while and see how she treats you, but do not intentionally bring up the topic of dating unless it just happens to be the flow of the conversation. Give it maybe a quarter or two (max) like this and pay close attention to how much time she invests in you, how she reacts when the topic of dating is brought up, and just her attitude toward you in general. You do this mainly because there is always a high chance she is just not really interested in you in the dating sense. Certainly it could be because of her breakup, but that is why you are going along with her for some time to be sure. Generally, if she is interested in you, she will often consistently take the initiative to contact you, even if you have almost nothing to talk about. She will give you the priority most of the time. She will also not give you any vague or evasive answers (like "possibly") when you bring up the possibility of dating. On the other hand, if she is not that interested in you, she will always wait for you to contact first, start talking to you less, make you wait even though she is not really busy, and give you vague or uncertain answers about relationships. If you do not notice a positive change over time, you should move on because there is really only two cases: she is going to be stuck on her past relationship for a loooong time, or she is just not really interested in you that way. If it good to be patient and give things a chance, but do not waste your time either if it seems like you have ran into a brick wall.
Author Jxmpy Posted November 23, 2017 Author Posted November 23, 2017 I say go along with her for a short while and see how she treats you, but do not intentionally bring up the topic of dating unless it just happens to be the flow of the conversation. Give it maybe a quarter or two (max) like this and pay close attention to how much time she invests in you, how she reacts when the topic of dating is brought up, and just her attitude toward you in general. You do this mainly because there is always a high chance she is just not really interested in you in the dating sense. Certainly it could be because of her breakup, but that is why you are going along with her for some time to be sure. Generally, if she is interested in you, she will often consistently take the initiative to contact you, even if you have almost nothing to talk about. She will give you the priority most of the time. She will also not give you any vague or evasive answers (like "possibly") when you bring up the possibility of dating. On the other hand, if she is not that interested in you, she will always wait for you to contact first, start talking to you less, make you wait even though she is not really busy, and give you vague or uncertain answers about relationships. If you do not notice a positive change over time, you should move on because there is really only two cases: she is going to be stuck on her past relationship for a loooong time, or she is just not really interested in you that way. If it good to be patient and give things a chance, but do not waste your time either if it seems like you have ran into a brick wall. Thank you for the advice. We had this convo 2 hours ago. I just texted her right now that if she changes her mind and wants to take a shot that she could hit me up and I would like to take her out. Should I not initiate texting the next day? Usually I’ll say good morning then she’ll follow up
Nilfiry Posted November 23, 2017 Posted November 23, 2017 There is nothing wrong with you initiating a conversation. What I mean here is that if she is not interested, you will realize at some point that the two of you only ever talk when YOU start the conversation. If she is really interested in you, she will often initiate conversations with you too, and if she really likes you, she might even be the one initiating every time.
Author Jxmpy Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 There is nothing wrong with you initiating a conversation. What I mean here is that if she is not interested, you will realize at some point that the two of you only ever talk when YOU start the conversation. If she is really interested in you, she will often initiate conversations with you too, and if she really likes you, she might even be the one initiating every time. She did confess to me that she's not a big texter. She said she doesnt reply to everyone quickly. Also, im not the one who asked for her number, she just gave it to me
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 Don't get too close to the flame or you will get burned. You may feel an emotional connection with this girl, but she doesn't have it with you. All you are to her is an escape from her breakup. You give her attention, and a boost. Basically you are setting yourself up as a rebound or striking it into the friends zone. So don't get your hopes up too high. You are dealing with someone who is emotionally gutted from being cheated on and I feel she is just wants to feel needed/special/desired. My advice...don't make yourself too available and don't talk about emotional stuff.....that's when you will find yourself in the friends zone for sure. 1
Author Jxmpy Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 Don't get too close to the flame or you will get burned. You may feel an emotional connection with this girl, but she doesn't have it with you. All you are to her is an escape from her breakup. You give her attention, and a boost. Basically you are setting yourself up as a rebound or striking it into the friends zone. So don't get your hopes up too high. You are dealing with someone who is emotionally gutted from being cheated on and I feel she is just wants to feel needed/special/desired. My advice...don't make yourself too available and don't talk about emotional stuff.....that's when you will find yourself in the friends zone for sure. Why do you say she doesn’t have it with me? How do not make myself too available? I see her once a week
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 Why do you say she doesn’t have it with me? How do not make myself too available? I see her once a week I already explained it to you. She is emotionally gutted, what better way to escape the pain by getting attention from someone interested? That's why they call these things rebounds. Once they are over the pain, they lose interest in you because you only served that purpose. I told you what to do, stop communication so much, and stop talking about emotional stuff...that S%^$ gets you tossed into the friends zone. Right now all you are is her friend. She already put the brakes on about "dating", so you should be movin on. tell her when she is ready to give you a call. Don't be someones emotional tam*&^%. You will only want to get involved when she is over her heartache. IMO if she was sooooo into you she wouldn't be making any kind of excuse to not date you. 1
Author Jxmpy Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 I already explained it to you. She is emotionally gutted, what better way to escape the pain by getting attention from someone interested? That's why they call these things rebounds. Once they are over the pain, they lose interest in you because you only served that purpose. I told you what to do, stop communication so much, and stop talking about emotional stuff...that S%^$ gets you tossed into the friends zone. Right now all you are is her friend. She already put the brakes on about "dating", so you should be movin on. tell her when she is ready to give you a call. Don't be someones emotional tam*&^%. You will only want to get involved when she is over her heartache. IMO if she was sooooo into you she wouldn't be making any kind of excuse to not date you. We don’t actually talk about emotional stuff. That was only one time. So should I just stop texting her period? Usually I’ll say good morning everyday and nothing much more. Well she said yes to go on the date, but she got emotional and had to cancel the last hour. Perhaps she’s still attached to him is what the problem is
kendahke Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 (edited) Don't get all involved with her, thinking that spending time in your presence is going to fast track her getting over her ex. What it will do is make her miss her ex more because "why can't he be like this? Why can't they get back together". That's what she means when she says she's not ready for this. It's a process that she has to go through. At best, you'll be rebound boy and that's not a good place to be in. Believe her when she says she's not ready--and rushing into something with you 2 weeks after breaking up isn't going to get her there, no matter how good of a guy you are/think you are. I'd cut back on the texting, give her space and pursue other girls. Edited November 24, 2017 by kendahke
Author Jxmpy Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 Don't get all involved with her, thinking that spending time in your presence is going to fast track her getting over her ex. What it will do is make her miss her ex more because "why can't he be like this? Why can't they get back together". That's what she means when she says she's not ready for this. It's a process that she has to go through. At best, you'll be rebound boy and that's not a good place to be in. Believe her when she says she's not ready--and rushing into something with you 2 weeks after breaking up isn't going to get her there, no matter how good of a guy you are/think you are. I'd cut back on the texting, give her space and pursue other girls. Should I not text at all? Like let her come to me
kendahke Posted November 24, 2017 Posted November 24, 2017 Should I not text at all? Like let her come to me Yes (10 characters)
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