brokenshell Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 I decided to start a new thread to hopefully get more answers. Well I have definitley made progress over the last 8 months. I moved into my own place, feel like I'm in a much happier place. I even slept with someone else recently (something I thought I wouldnt be able to do for a long time) however its not serious. It felt nice breaking the physical bond with my ex. I thought this guy was my soul mate. So there are still some deep feelings i cant seem to get past. I have managed to avoid anything about what hes doing or who hes seeing now for 8 months and havent checked any of his social media in that time. Until yesterday when someone thought it would be a good idea to tell me they saw him in the grocerie store with a girl. It hit me like a kick to the stomach. But didnt feel as bad as I anticipated. Since then its all I've thought about. I've never heard from him in 6 months, I have reached out a few times to try and make peace, no begging him back just want to be on friendly terms. But he has been silent. Never replies so I went hard nc for 2/3 months. He initiated the breakup after 2.5 years. I didnt trust him, and he was selfish amd a bit of a narcissist and it took its toll. It hurts that he seems to have completely forgotten and doesnt care at all anymore. I feel like I havent been missed and I meant nothing and easy replaced and it hurts. I messaged him to say I had bumped into someone who said they saw him with a girl and that I was happy for him and hope hes doing well. Is it too soon to be messaging him? I genuinley meant I was happy for him. It does hurt too however. I just wish he would be civil with me so I dont walk around dreading bumping into him and how horrible it will feel.
HumanMachine Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 Why on earth did you message him? Big mistake.
Author brokenshell Posted November 24, 2017 Author Posted November 24, 2017 Why on earth did you message him? Big mistake. ... I dont know, I just felt like I needed to. I'm trying not to hold onto any bitterness and hate toward him, its not healthy. We live in a small town and the chances of us bumping into eachother are very high and I would rather it be as pleasant as possible if we do. He replied anyway and we had a friendly exchange and I got a some answers that had been holding any final healing up. I actually feel relieved, and it's helped me take a step in the right direction. I realised after speaking with him I dont actually feel like how I thought i did towards him, it feels more indifferent than what it did before we had the exchange. I know people are very big into NC on here and me and him have gave eachother plenty of space and NC over this last 8 months. I'm ready to move forward without any thoughts and questions constantly going around in my head. My head final feels at peace. If that's a mistake... then I dont know.
nolove126 Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 I know exactly how that feels and I can relate. My ex gf broke up with me the 2nd time almost 3 weeks ago. Basically 2 weeks before our planned vacation to the Bahamas this past thanksgiving. She still went of course, how nice of her, whether or not shes with some other dude I don't know. What I have learned is that you must maintain NC. I am not sure if you want him back or not but it sounds as though you do as you still have deep seeded feelings for him. But on the flip side, you have to let it go. Never want someone that doesn't want you. You are in the weak position right now by breaking NC. Rejection breeds obsession, in other words, the dumpee almost always chases after the dumper after being dumped. It is natural. What is in the past is dead, you have to leave it alone as you have no control over it. The only control you have is the present moment, not the past, not the future. It takes two to make a relationship work. He unilaterally changed the terms of your relationship. You wanted to stay and work things out probably but he said nut uh, im outta here. So it needs to be his decision for him to win you back, not the other way around. I hope you maintain NC and move on. It is hard, I am dealing with the same issues, it feels like your heart is ripped inside out, but you have to find your inner strength and move on. Do not contact him ever again.
Buriall Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 Dig into why you want to be "civil" with this guy so badly. You will find that you're still clinging to him.
Marc878 Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 No contact means no contact You’d be smart to keep it
rubyjuly Posted November 27, 2017 Posted November 27, 2017 (edited) ... I dont know, I just felt like I needed to. I'm trying not to hold onto any bitterness and hate toward him, its not healthy. We live in a small town and the chances of us bumping into eachother are very high and I would rather it be as pleasant as possible if we do. He replied anyway and we had a friendly exchange and I got a some answers that had been holding any final healing up. I actually feel relieved, and it's helped me take a step in the right direction. I realised after speaking with him I dont actually feel like how I thought i did towards him, it feels more indifferent than what it did before we had the exchange. I know people are very big into NC on here and me and him have gave eachother plenty of space and NC over this last 8 months. I'm ready to move forward without any thoughts and questions constantly going around in my head. My head final feels at peace. If that's a mistake... then I dont know. Hi there, First and most important without knowing the nature of what your relationship was like, or re the breaking off etc I'm relieved and it's really good to hear that somehow the exchange message with him provided you with what you need to feel some peace, and also really critical I think to realize hey, I don't feel the same, I feel more indifferent...I know there are many situations it's really important to go nc all the time 100%-- I'm one of those cases if you read my story and there's other relationships that after they end for other reasons is for he persons own health and sanity to stay bc but with that said I don't believe in rigid one size fits all rules and if you knew you needed some answers or that somehow brief contact helped you step back and realize such a key important thing that you no longer feel strong feelings for him- then hey it was what you needed. I would throw in with that though I really do ** not** think it would be wise to continue any type of messaging or contact-- because now that you got what you needed to feel stronger in yourself and have that boost to your own self worth that your okay without him , I would if I were you take that little bit of contact as a one time thing that was really in a way a gift for you since it provided your peace of mind and abiiity to really go ahead and let go. hoping all the best for you and stay strong! Edited November 27, 2017 by rubyjuly
Recommended Posts