SSun Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 (edited) I'm visiting my ex's state for the first time since the breakup to reclaim it and break the emotional hold that memories of bad things that happened to me while there have on me. I initially loved his home state - it's a major state for one of my hobbies. I have avoided it though because of the pain of bad memories (there was domestic abuse and I'm only now ok with sharing that) and it dawned on me that I could give myself the exact closure I used to want from my ex. So I have planned a two day visit. I will not be seeing my ex while there. I only plan to visit places I loved initially but grew to be triggered by on account of my ex. Does anyone have any reclaiming tips? I'm thinking of just visiting different places that bring up emotion, journaling and just being present in them. Edited November 22, 2017 by SSun 1
basil67 Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 Glad to hear you're taking positive steps for a good new life. I'm wondering if you could view it as a cleansing experience. Feel those feelings and think about freeing them while you're there. 2
HumanMachine Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 Are you going alone? Could get rather lonely..
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 I think your plan is fine & brave the way it is. Good for you! Enjoy your hobby. Report back & tell us how it went. 2
Author SSun Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 Glad to hear you're taking positive steps for a good new life. I'm wondering if you could view it as a cleansing experience. Feel those feelings and think about freeing them while you're there. That's super helpful. I hadn't thought of it that way. I got anxious yesterday thinking of being triggered at certain places and just feeling the feelings and focusing on letting them go will be very helpful.
Author SSun Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 Are you going alone? Could get rather lonely.. Yes, I'm going alone and I only told one friend where I'm going. I feel like it's something I should do alone. My best friend knows I'm going and she's agreed to be on standby if I need someone to talk to.
Author SSun Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 I think your plan is fine & brave the way it is. Good for you! Enjoy your hobby. Report back & tell us how it went. Thank you, will do!
Chi townD Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 I'm visiting my ex's state for the first time since the breakup to reclaim it and break the emotional hold that memories of bad things that happened to me while there have on me. I initially loved his home state - it's a major state for one of my hobbies. I have avoided it though because of the pain of bad memories (there was domestic abuse and I'm only now ok with sharing that) and it dawned on me that I could give myself the exact closure I used to want from my ex. So I have planned a two day visit. I will not be seeing my ex while there. I only plan to visit places I loved initially but grew to be triggered by on account of my ex. Does anyone have any reclaiming tips? I'm thinking of just visiting different places that bring up emotion, journaling and just being present in them. You pretty much got it. The best revenge we can get on an Ex is to lead a damn good and adventurous life. Identifying that those places you loved is because you loved them. He had nothing to do with that. Our lives are our own and we CHOSE who we share that life with. He abused that right, but your life is still your own. So, if those locations make you happy and brings back good memories. Then enjoy your time there.
Author SSun Posted November 28, 2017 Author Posted November 28, 2017 You pretty much got it. The best revenge we can get on an Ex is to lead a damn good and adventurous life. Identifying that those places you loved is because you loved them. He had nothing to do with that. Our lives are our own and we CHOSE who we share that life with. He abused that right, but your life is still your own. So, if those locations make you happy and brings back good memories. Then enjoy your time there. Thank you for this, I'm suddenly getting afraid of being triggered. My trip is quickly approaching and I'm just a ball of anxiety. So many bad things happened to me there. I will push through but I am suddenly so afraid. I know that he cannot hurt me now and that I am safe, I tell myself that. It's just really scary as I am taking a huge step to finally put this pain behind me. I am recalling the nights I had to call my family from his closet because he was raging and breaking and throwing things around the bedroom - and punching holes in walls while calling me out of my name. The night a neighbor called the police and I lied so his child wouldn't be placed in foster care. I was so afraid of him. I guess I weep for my younger self, that she felt she deserved that from someone. Just being there, I'm sure I will shed tears. I need to do this though, it has had power over me for too long and I know that I can beat it. 1
Chi townD Posted November 28, 2017 Posted November 28, 2017 You know what? Chances are you're not even going to see your Ex. And I know you're going to be fine because of the way you write. You write like a fighter and a survivor and not like a victim that still believes that they are being victimized. And you know what? if you happen to see him, you're not going to be in private. More likely you'll be in public. Just walk away, if he tries to acknowledge you, just ignore him. Keep walking...he doesn't deserve your acknowledgement. YOU have all the power and you don't even realize it.
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