Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 I started seeing someone new (only 3rd date tonight). I am physically attracted to him but I am not sure if there is enough of a connection otherwise for it to go long term. Anyway, I really want to sleep with him and it will likely happen tonight. I am going over to his place for dinner. I usually don't have sex this early so... What do I do after sex? Do I get up and try to leave and see if he stops me? It's obviously easier for me to just stay over but I am worried that's not "assumed" and he may be expecting me to leave. How can you tell? I usually don't have sex this early so... -- So why deviate from your "norm"? I think you will be better served if you resist your hormones. Aside from that, if it is late, I would just ask him what he wants. Throwing a woman out after he's had sex with her at say 2 a.m. in the morning, will tell you something anyway.
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 I am physically attracted to him but I am not sure if there is enough of a connection otherwise for it to go long term. You were the architect of your own destruction. YOU already knew this was going nowhere but you had sex with him anyway, twice and when it went pear-shaped you are now upset as it didn't work out. YOU admitted yourself before you slept with him there was little connection so where was that marvellous connection really going to come from to sustain this into something long term? If there is little in common before the sex, there will be little in common after the sex. 6
No_Go Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 No thanksgiving in Australia! So this ended up being 2 times pump and dump...We en ded up spending another day & night together last weekend. Sex was great but we don't have much in common. We kept running out of conversation and he seemed tired and disinterested in me except for the physical. Nobody made contact after the second time...I'm feeling really worn out by dating. This is it for me for this year. I may revisit it again in 2018 but a big part of me just doesn't want to bother ever again. Eh, at least you had good sex, right? This one wasn’t completely useless IMO continuous dating will worn out anyone. It is a trend on LS that to me is borderline insane. Like continuously going on job interviews without reading the description. I’m planning to go on dates if and only if someone is worth the effort from the pre-dating communication. If this will mean 2 dates per year - so be it. 2
Andy_K Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 @EternalSunshine You shouldn't have slept with him. You wanted more from this guy yet you went ahead and did something you knew could potentially ruin things. I know it's hard sometimes but you have to learn to be patient. I don't think there was anything to ruin. Any decent guy who wants a relationship doesn't suddenly stop wanting one after sex, nor does a guy who wants a fling start wanting something more meaningful if you make him wait. Nothing serious was ever on the cards here, she had the choice to either call it a day straight away or have some fun first. She chose the latter. Nothing wrong with that. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 I am actually not upset about this guy. I am worn out by all of my dating experiences in the past year. This one was actually more fun than most. 3
Popsicle Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 (edited) Well, you can either give into your horniness despite the risk, or you can hold off and wait for the emotional connection. In either scenario, there’s going to be some suffering involved, whether that be insecurity/worry or fighting your desires. I had sex on date 3 with my last bf. It was just dumb luck that he continued to see me. Sex was never that great. And that’s an issue too when you wait to have sex. Now you’ve emotionally invested in someone who ends being crap in bed? Do you want to remain committed to that? To me, in either scenario it comes down to dumb luck. Edited December 3, 2017 by Popsicle 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 3, 2017 Author Posted December 3, 2017 (edited) Well, you can either give into your horniness despite the risk, or you can hold off and wait for the emotional connection. In either scenario, there’s going to be some suffering involved, whether that be insecurity/worry or fighting your desires. I had sex on date 3 with my last bf. It was just dumb luck that he continued to see me. Sex was never that great. And that’s an issue too when you wait to have sex. Now you’ve emotionally invested in someone who ends being crap in bed? Do you want to remain committed to that? To me, in either scenario it comes down to dumb luck. I waited over a month to have sex with the last bf and sex was really bad. We kept dating for months after but I would rather find out early if the sex is going to suck. We had intellectual/emotional connection and depth though. With the guy in this thread, there was strong physical connection but emotional and intellectual was lacking. I wish I could find it all in one person... Edited December 3, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine 1
LoverOfDance Posted December 3, 2017 Posted December 3, 2017 @ES I am trying to say that you could have found an emotional connection with this guy if you had given it time. Some ppl will say that if you haven't found it by now, then you'll never find it. This is absolutely false in my opinion. I have seen relationships where a real connection took months to develop. After you slept with this guy, he just wasn't interested in anything deeper than the physical anymore. I still think that if you had waited, the story could possibly have been different. But the choices aren't mine to make. I want you to really think about this encounter with this guy. Don't go back into the dating scene with the same mentality you have now. Change your approach, change your choices. If you keep doing the same things and making the same choices, you'll drive yourself insane because your results will always be the same. Sit down, reflect and be very honest with yourself.
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