What do women think of a guy with no friends?

[smackie9]

Female here and it wouldn't be acceptable to me. I have an expectation of having friends and a good relationship with family. This is something that is important to me, is all.

 

So it will take the right kind of lady to accept a lone wolf.

[SpinScratch]

"I don't know anyone who has interest in things like art museums, and concerts, and seeing new places. Well, I do but they are probably going to bring a bag of cocaine with them."

 

There's a ton of women out there who would be waaay into that. I can't tell if you did do drugs or still do drugs, but drugs are a great way to meet women.

 

Yeah you'll probably keel over in your late 40's but you're still likely to meet some fun women.

 

If you're off the drugs....how long have you been off the drugs? It's kinda hard to re-acquaint socially after doing so. Maybe that's the issue? You'll have to learn a whole new "bond" with people.

 

Note: I'm not on drugs. Maybe I used to be. A long time ago.

As far as drugs go... I'm not against people using drugs. I dont use cocaine or smoke weed. I have used them in the past but I never depended on them. I dont even drink now, but occasionally I'll use psychedelics.

 

Here's the issue. I actually planned a bit of a road trip with a friend a couple weeks ago to go to a concert. But 11am he cracks open a beer in the car and starts doing lines and I immediately think "This is why I do these things alone". Up until then we were having good conversation, showing each other music... but then he starts getting loaded and I dont want to be around him. At least wait until the concert. Its the same with all my old friends. You cant even go to lunch with them without them smoking a blunt in the car before they go in the restaurant. I'm 34 years old, thats all I need is to get busted like a teenager. I have a good career on the line and that kind of stuff isnt worth it, nor am I interested in it. I just feel like i've grown up a little, and a lot of them are still doing the same things as we were when we were 16. Smoking pot, getting arrested, not working. I dont have anything on common anymore

 

I've developed interest in things like art, music, travel, nature, philosophy and its just not anything that anyone shares with me. So I persue them on my own. Drugs are fine but not when they take over. If its a girl who needs to do lines to go to an art museum, then I'm not interested. If she wants to do a few at a party, no problem.

[Highndry]

As far as drugs go... I'm not against people using drugs. I dont use cocaine or smoke weed. I have used them in the past but I never depended on them. I dont even drink now, but occasionally I'll use psychedelics.

 

Here's the issue. I actually planned a bit of a road trip with a friend a couple weeks ago to go to a concert. But 11am he cracks open a beer in the car and starts doing lines and I immediately think "This is why I do these things alone". Up until then we were having good conversation, showing each other music... but then he starts getting loaded and I dont want to be around him. At least wait until the concert. Its the same with all my old friends. You cant even go to lunch with them without them smoking a blunt in the car before they go in the restaurant. I'm 34 years old, thats all I need is to get busted like a teenager. I have a good career on the line and that kind of stuff isnt worth it, nor am I interested in it. I just feel like i've grown up a little, and a lot of them are still doing the same things as we were when we were 16. Smoking pot, getting arrested, not working. I dont have anything on common anymore

 

I've developed interest in things like art, music, travel, nature, philosophy and its just not anything that anyone shares with me. So I persue them on my own. Drugs are fine but not when they take over. If its a girl who needs to do lines to go to an art museum, then I'm not interested. If she wants to do a few at a party, no problem.

 

Sometimes you just have to move on from certain friends. I've had to throughout my life. I had a friend I knew since we were 5, obviously before we ever even had a sip of alcohol. By the time we were in our mid 20's he was getting into hard drugs and that was of no interest to me so I saw less and less of him until all contact was lost in our early 30's. I got a call when he died of an overdose at 40.

 

I have other friends who have developed alcohol problems, and over the years it became somewhat annoying being around them for too long, especially in the evening as their level of inebriation escalated. Slurred speech and recycled stories of "glory days" can be off-putting to say the least.

 

I pick and choose my friends carefully these days, as well as my activities.

[SpinScratch]

recycled stories of "glory days" can be off-putting to say the least.

I HATE THIS. I'd rather make today a glory day. It's not over yet!

 

But nice to hear the womens side on this. It seems like some wouldnt mind, and for some its a red flag. I was just curious I guess.

[Miss Spider]

If he's hot that's perfect because he'll almost always be free when you want him

[mortensorchid]

Keep in mind something else, Quagmire (as well as all others who are reading this or have watched the show at least once): Friends is/was a TV SHOW NOT REAL LIFE.

 

I found after the college years ended that it was very difficult to make friends and acquaintances. It's hard enough finding someone who is solid enough to return the efforts you may make towards them. There has to be the right moment or situation for people for all things. Just because you put two slices of bread together doesn't make for a good sandwich (ex. You went to the same high school or university, it doesn't mean that person is the right person for you to be with). All you have to do is keep trying and be involved in the community rather than sitting at home in front of a screen.

[JEG88]

I know the struggle of having little or no friends. I'm in my late 20's and haven't had a regular friend since college.

 

I also have noticeable social anxiety, so it's a double whammy for me.

 

That said, it hasn't necessarily hurt my dating life all things considered. I've met and dated women at work and on OLD. Most have been understanding and have invited me out with their circles of friends.

 

As people have said, the older you get the harder it is to make new friends. I also run a home side business (sports) and help with a family nonprofit aside from my regular day job, so time is also a limitation for me. Not an excuse for lack of socialization on my part, I just have other priorities instead of making friends per se.

[SpinScratch]

Family is very important. I have a very large extended Italian family but don't see them nearly as often as I used to like when we were all young. My immediate family, on the other hand, are extremely important to me and my life even with all the dysfunction and craziness. As long as my partner is open to being part of MY circle, particularly my family, I couldn't care less how many friends he has.

 

The right woman won't care about your friendship list, however big or small.

 

Good luck.

Funny you should say that... There's this nice Italian girl that I just met and she seems to be showing an interest in me. She seems the type to have a close Italian family and a good circle of friends... I was going to make my move but I'm thinking "The day is gonna come when this girl finds out I'm a loser" LOL but so what if she does. I'd be no worse off than I started.

 

I think people get the wrong first impression of me. Without divulging to much personal info. I have a job that most people admire and I have all these hobbies that fascinate people (not to sound narcissist)... but I feel like once you get in close and realize ... gee nobody actually likes this guy, so why should I? Thats what I guess I'm avoiding.

[TheFinalWord]

I wish I could say I'm asking for a friend, but I dont really have any I have a lot of acquaintances, and am very outgoing, but I'm 34 and have pretty much grown away from my close lifelong friends and am not very close to my family. Due to certain life choices like excessive drug use and other things, I keep a lot of people at bay and I never really developed any close friends in adulthood.

 

Sometimes when I meet a woman, if I get any hint that she has a strong social life and a tight circle of friends, I bail before she finds out I'm a loner. It's a little embarrassing for me. Sometimes I'll keep a woman at bay to make it seem like I have to spend time with other people, when really there is no one else.

 

My life is fine, I'm happy with it. I do a lot of things and travel a lot, I just do them all alone. I don't know anyone who has interest in things like art museums, and concerts, and seeing new places. Well, I do but they are probably going to bring a bag of cocaine with them. So... I guess I'm just curious how a woman feels when she meets a new guy and really likes him, then starts to realize he has no real relationships with anyone.

 

Similar situation. Although, I am very close to my parents. I was heavily involved in drugs and crime in my 20s. Once I became a Christian and left that part of my life behind, all of the friends I had disappeared from my life. Since then, I have found new friends (more like acquaintances), but not any I could rely on or talk to like my old group of friends. It's a bit morbid, but I do think about the future when my parents pass on. If I died in my house, would anyone even know? lol I mostly worry about it as I worry my dogs would not have anyone to feed them. Also, with my job I have moved to different states multiple times so forming close friends has been difficult. Furthermore, I am single with no children which makes bonding with men even more difficult as most of the men my age would rather spend their free time with their wife and kids (as well they should!). TBH when they invite me to one of their kids baseball practices or school plays I want to shoot myself. I get that its cute when its your kid, but it bores me to death. One guy I really connected to about 6 months ago has started a family recently with his new wife and now I barely hear from him.

 

Due to this situation I have cultivated my interests without the need for friends and now I find myself in a life circumstance in which being a loner is more fulfilling. Its not that I have any social anxiety or am some misanthrope that loves people so much they hate mankind lol I have no problem interacting in social situations and usually have everyone at the dinner table laughing. I've just grown more introverted as time goes on and as I create a life without any close friends.

 

Like you, when I start talking to a woman I think about the fact that she might lose interest when she finds out I don't have any life long friends or close male friends. However, removing myself from that ring of friends was a positive move in my life. If a woman is not interested in the circumstances leading to your loner status, but simply excludes you based on some bucket list of criteria a man must have to date her, I would not see it as any loss.

Edited November 27, 2017 by TheFinalWord

[barbossa]

I wish I could say I'm asking for a friend, but I dont really have any I have a lot of acquaintances, and am very outgoing, but I'm 34 and have pretty much grown away from my close lifelong friends and am not very close to my family. Due to certain life choices like excessive drug use and other things, I keep a lot of people at bay and I never really developed any close friends in adulthood.

 

Sometimes when I meet a woman, if I get any hint that she has a strong social life and a tight circle of friends, I bail before she finds out I'm a loner. It's a little embarrassing for me. Sometimes I'll keep a woman at bay to make it seem like I have to spend time with other people, when really there is no one else.

 

My life is fine, I'm happy with it. I do a lot of things and travel a lot, I just do them all alone. I don't know anyone who has interest in things like art museums, and concerts, and seeing new places. Well, I do but they are probably going to bring a bag of cocaine with them. So... I guess I'm just curious how a woman feels when she meets a new guy and really likes him, then starts to realize he has no real relationships with anyone.

 

 

I find new friends from the gym or social activities. They are not my best friend but i at least create connections with like minded people

 

Men or women with no friends suggests something is wrong with them.

 

If i met a girl with no friends I would think WTF is wrong with her?

[No_Go]

That’s fantastic OP. I loooooove guys that are past the social butterfly stage and *prefer* doing things alone. The last guy I fell head over hills for - I did fell for him because he’s a loner, close with family and pretty much no one else. There is something magical and beautiful of someone who is evolved enough to enjoy doing things and living life in their own company.

 

I’m a female and have few friends but I never have the urge to ‘do things’ with them. We meet to talk, never too frequently. Activities that interest me: I do on my own. Travel: same story.

 

Just date and remember not everyone loves extroverts, some are even repulsed by extroversion and friendly chatty man-boys.

 

I wish I could say I'm asking for a friend, but I dont really have any I have a lot of acquaintances, and am very outgoing, but I'm 34 and have pretty much grown away from my close lifelong friends and am not very close to my family. Due to certain life choices like excessive drug use and other things, I keep a lot of people at bay and I never really developed any close friends in adulthood.

 

Sometimes when I meet a woman, if I get any hint that she has a strong social life and a tight circle of friends, I bail before she finds out I'm a loner. It's a little embarrassing for me. Sometimes I'll keep a woman at bay to make it seem like I have to spend time with other people, when really there is no one else.

 

My life is fine, I'm happy with it. I do a lot of things and travel a lot, I just do them all alone. I don't know anyone who has interest in things like art museums, and concerts, and seeing new places. Well, I do but they are probably going to bring a bag of cocaine with them. So... I guess I'm just curious how a woman feels when she meets a new guy and really likes him, then starts to realize he has no real relationships with anyone.

[BriNyc82]

So I'm a 35 year old woman and it doesn't really bother me if they are the loner type. I have a pretty tight group of friends and many social circles so I think part of me likes the loners bc it allows me space to spend time with my friends. As long as the guy is friendly and can handle coming out w me and my friends once in a while then it's not a problem. With that said, I have found that many of the guys I have dated who gravitate toward being loners or doing things independently have had deeper issues (conflict avoiders/depression). I think as long as you have the "need" for that closeness then it's enough. It's the guys who feel like they don't need to reply on anyone and they can handle everything on their own that scare me.

 

It sounds like you probably have more of an issue with it than they would. You might be losing out on a lot of great opportunities out of fear. You need to love yourself for who you are before anyone else can

[Miss Spider]

If he was healthy and didn't mind social activity, I don't know if it would bother me.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough