LOK Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 (edited) Hi all, sorry for typos,I'm not an english native speaker. I'm goin through really hard times,facing unemployment from almost a year,days are neverending my mood is very low and self esteem is at rock bottom.Feeling useless,last week I had an interview that appareantly went well,today got a call from the company that they are sorry,but they hired someone else who was already working with them and decided to go back...tryin to keep myself busy as much as I can and keep applying for jobs,my grandma in this moment is in the hospital and she has more or less a couple of month to live,that is what doctors are saying,my mum is financially strugglin after my dad passed away a couple of years ago and I helped as much as I could,wish I can do more but at the moment i m kinda broke. Opened up with my gf,she is the only one I m opening up with,with other people I'm pretending to be ok. She yelled at me I can't be sad and she wants someone romantic,it's probably the worst moment of my life and I wish I got a bit of support from her. Keep in mind I always had been there for her when she was strugglin and always been her first supporter and the one who helped her. I feel like she doesn't care about me,feel like she only wants to be with me if I m shining but now she made me feel alone. I m not lazy,I try to keep myself busy,taking online courses,doing everything possible to improve myself but still it's like is not enough for her. I don't live in a big city,but in a small town,happy to relocate if I can get a job. I opened with her cause I trusted her and all I got back was that she made me feel even worst about myself...I m not in the mood to have sex from a couple of months (guess I m starting to face depression and goin to doctor next week to talk about it,is not that I don't find her attractive but she start resent me for that).Don't know what to do...I love her but she looks extremely selfish,i'm not a robot who can do sex on command,i'm obviously dealing with a lot,i explained her that is not her fault,trying to reassure her that it's just a bad period (actually a very bad period) but she doesn't seem to understand...At this point I'm wondering what I should do. They say love is on good times and bad times but looks like on bad times her love is fading away. I talk to her and she said other people are facing unemployment (never once thought how I felt about it) and I have to be happy...I don't know what to do. Looks like everything I do she is never happy and I have enough problem in this moment to deal with someone who can't understand I need a bit of support and love too Edited November 21, 2017 by LOK
marky00 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 (edited) I totally get you mate. I went through something similar. Had a dog that got sick and I didn't really want to put him down. But my life took a negative spiral because for months I essentially became a full time babysitter (or is it dog sitter ) I was also trying to maintain my business as well. I tried to keep my GF in the loop as I was starting to enter the negative spiral. We were long distance but when we met up, I would try to say stuff like "i'm sorry what's going on, I know it's hard, i'm not going to lose you am I". Kind of negative talk I know but I was speaking from the heart and it was the truth. Anyway, looking back I can see that she starting stepping away from things shortly after I started talking this way. But what choice does one have, the other alternative is saying nothing and then they will just think you don't care or have lost your mind I definitely feel for your situation. Your basically screwed whichever way you go. But I will say this. In years to come, you will look back and regret the fact that you turned to someone else to make you feel better in this bad situation. Am I saying this girl is wife material? Not at all. She has shown you who she is when the going gets tough. BUT, it never works when you try to boost yourself up using someone else. Try to find yourself and be as positive as you can in this tough time. Stop trying to get validation from her. You will regret it later. Edited November 21, 2017 by marky00
Author LOK Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 They say hard times reveal who truly cares,just sad she doesn't seem to do it.And guess she is not loving me at all,or better she loved me only when I was happy and succeeding,but this is not the kind of love I want...In twisted roles I will put myself aside for a while and help her but looks like we are not the same I guess,it's sad realizing that we were a team when it was about her but now that she is sorted we are not a team anymore...
marky00 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 (edited) They say hard times reveal who truly cares,just sad she doesn't seem to do it.And guess she is not loving me at all,or better she loved me only when I was happy and succeeding,but this is not the kind of love I want...In twisted roles I will put myself aside for a while and help her but looks like we are not the same I guess,it's sad realizing that we were a team when it was about her but now that she is sorted we are not a team anymore... That's the conclusion I drew as well, with regards to my situation. As i hit my difficult times, my Ex was getting job promotions etc. As you say, once she was sorted, the team was no longer required You have a really good mindset given what your going through. Most people don't figure this stuff out until months after the breakup. Your thinking is spot on. As a side note, do be cautious dumping her if your not sure your ready to walk away FOREVER. I get why you might want to beat her to it but it could get more ugly if you get regrets after breaking up. Also, remember what I said. Stop looking for support from her. Just do the best you can and try to stay positive and if that isn't good enough for her, you will have less regrets. She knows the situation, you don't need to keep rehashing it. Edited November 21, 2017 by marky00
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 She seems to be kicking you when you are down. A quality person would stand by you as you face these troubles not yell at you to not be sad. While it is true you can be romantic & broke, it's tough to put on a happy face when you just don't feel it. If you feel she brings you down rather than brings light & job into your life, by all means cut her loose. On top of your job search & supporting your mom as she cares for your grandma you don't need added pressure.
Highndry Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Many women are like this. There's a saying: "When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window." She's obviously not supportive and you are right to consider dumping her. That being said, I am not sure why you cannot work on at least satisfying her sexual needs. I can understand her being hurt if you haven't touched her in 2 months. Most women would not be happy about that.
Author LOK Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 Many women are like this. There's a saying: "When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window." She's obviously not supportive and you are right to consider dumping her. That being said, I am not sure why you cannot work on at least satisfying her sexual needs. I can understand her being hurt if you haven't touched her in 2 months. Most women would not be happy about that. It's a long distance relationship,we live 100 km from each other and in the last 2 months we seen each other only twice,once she had period and when she has her period it hits her hard,second time I was simply not in the mood,I spoke with other friends who were facing unemployment in the past and they told me it happened to them too...Dunno if you are a man or a woman but basically not doing anything and not getting a salary made you feel lose your manhood...We are not robot ready for sex all the time. In this moment of my life I don't think about it,tried to explain her that it's not her fault but more she push me and shout at me less I want to do it,i know it sounds weird but it's like that...I feel guilty she is feeling unwanted,this is the last thing I wanted but I can't force myself to have sex.
Highndry Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 It's a long distance relationship,we live 100 km from each other and in the last 2 months we seen each other only twice,once she had period and when she has her period it hits her hard,second time I was simply not in the mood,I spoke with other friends who were facing unemployment in the past and they told me it happened to them too...Dunno if you are a man or a woman but basically not doing anything and not getting a salary made you feel lose your manhood...We are not robot ready for sex all the time. In this moment of my life I don't think about it,tried to explain her that it's not her fault but more she push me and shout at me less I want to do it,i know it sounds weird but it's like that...I feel guilty she is feeling unwanted,this is the last thing I wanted but I can't force myself to have sex. I'm a man, and I certainly understand stress and other things which cause a loss of interest in sex, which is why I replied about putting forth effort to satisfy her IN SPITE of what you're facing, which I'm not minimizing whatsoever. 1
Author LOK Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 I'm a man, and I certainly understand stress and other things which cause a loss of interest in sex, which is why I replied about putting forth effort to satisfy her IN SPITE of what you're facing, which I'm not minimizing whatsoever. I didn't mean you were minimizing We argue a lot,she constantly criticize me,never apreciating the effort I put in things,I stood up for myself and told she was making me feel bad and she turn it on me saying that the best defense was offense...It's everything about her needs,her wishes,what she wants I guess this things are turning me off too...It's just blaming,and criticize me but not in a constructive way,I don't know what I did wrong,at the beginning she was a sweet caring girl,remember when my dad was sick she was amazing and when he died she was crying more than me,I was hugging her,kissing her forehead and tell her it was allright...I mean don't know what to do,I love her but all this situation is draining.
Author LOK Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 She seems to be kicking you when you are down. A quality person would stand by you as you face these troubles not yell at you to not be sad. While it is true you can be romantic & broke, it's tough to put on a happy face when you just don't feel it. If you feel she brings you down rather than brings light & job into your life, by all means cut her loose. On top of your job search & supporting your mom as she cares for your grandma you don't need added pressure. She was bringing light,but now she turned in a person I don't know,she was kind,caring,amazing,litterally did the best things a woman ever did for me,now she became the opposite. Wonder how can someone change so badly,her life is really smooth compared to mine,brilliant grades,and a brilliant career ahead,she is already working in a company related with wath she is studying,after internship they offered her a permanent job,her family loves her and her friends too,I m genuinely happy everything is great for her,cause I love her and I don't want her to face same things I'm facing now. But I wonder why I can't express myself,I'm scared to tell her how I feel cause she will yell at me,as you said,I can't put an happy face on,or better I can do it with people who barely know me,but don't get the point to pretend with a person I'm in a relationship from almost 4 years...
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