Throwawayaccount12 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 I tried. I really did. It wasn't my fault my household became violent. Yes, it was my fault I couldn't handle my stress appropriately. Yes, I should've taken her out more on dates. Yes, I shouldn't have said hurtful things to her after finding out about someone else. But when I think about it, even if I did those things right, this person she left me for still would've been sniffing around. Was I really that much of a terrible person to be left for someone else? Am I really that terrible that I'm screamed at constantly? Am I so terrible that I get emotionally cheated on for who knows how long, and then invalidated by her saying she didn't cheat on me. Even though her going behind my back, increasing the contact with her crush, is cheating? After all, it only took her 2 days to start snap chatting she was talking to this "friend" and I got sent that snap. It took her 9 days to start dating them. They've been together for 6 months now, and im still a broken mess. Am I so horrible that when she sees me, she literally hides behind a plant so I don't see her? Why wasn't I enough? Will I ever actually be enough? Or am I always doomed to fail? I thought I was enough. I guess I was wrong. Like always. I guess I was just a waste of time. As usual.
HumanMachine Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 In those 6 months what have you done to improve your self? Enough with the self pity.. time to move forward. You mentioned that you still see her, why? 1
donotmicrowave Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 You can't choose whether people come into your life as a blessing or as a lesson. You definitely did get a valuable lesson out of this relationship, and that is something to be thankful for (I'm not sure you see how important it is as of now). She isn't your problem anymore. She cheated, as a coward would. You are way better off without that girl and that relationship. Now it's time to start working on yourself. Take care of your health, meet people, do things! Considering that you're still hurting 6 months down the road, you should definitely cut her out of your life! Stop blaming yourself. She did you wrong, and you messed up as well, we all do. As stated above, the self pity is absolutely useless. You can call it a waste of time, but I'm telling you, it wasn't. I hope you will realize that soon. -Microwave 1
Author Throwawayaccount12 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 In those 6 months what have you done to improve your self? Enough with the self pity.. time to move forward. You mentioned that you still see her, why? Focused on finishing my studies, trying to be more independent and work on my anger and stress management. Now I'm trying to focus on getting a job. I don't see her anymore or try to talk to her. I haven't for 3-4 months now.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 It wasn't my fault my household became violent. What does this mean, exactly? Who was violent, and in what way? 1
Author Throwawayaccount12 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 What does this mean, exactly? Who was violent, and in what way? My brother put a hole in my door with his bare fists when he was angry with me. My parents defended him. So I felt unsafe, and then she used that as a reason to leave me. She listed several, but the reality was that she had someone else lined up. It just hurts that I finally let someone in, because I tend to bottle everything up, and she judges me for it and leaves me for someone else.
Been Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 She cheated on you therefore anything she told you is invalid because she has shown she has no ethics. She hides out of shame because deep down she knows what she did is wrong and hurtful. And when she sees you it reminds her of it. She had been seeing him awhile if it was only NINE days after you broke up. She is and will always be a coward using excuses to justify her actions. She will always get nervous around you because you know what she is and there is no hiding from that. She knocked you down. Stop crawling around and get back up. You want to redeem your injured ego? Start living. Set and accomplish goals for your self.
Author Throwawayaccount12 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 She cheated on you therefore anything she told you is invalid because she has shown she has no ethics. She hides out of shame because deep down she knows what she did is wrong and hurtful. And when she sees you it reminds her of it. She had been seeing him awhile if it was only NINE days after you broke up. She is and will always be a coward using excuses to justify her actions. She will always get nervous around you because you know what she is and there is no hiding from that. She knocked you down. Stop crawling around and get back up. You want to redeem your injured ego? Start living. Set and accomplish goals for your self. I don't know if she hid because she's ashamed, or that she really hates me. I just really feel like I'm a failure of a person to have been cheated on. She invalidated it and gaslighted me so much, that I even had doubts that she did cheat. I feel like a failure for allowing her in my life. A failure for loving her. A failure for her cheating on me and leaving me for somebody else. And a failure for trying for so long to fix it, when she was ****ing someone else and didn't care. Sigh.
HumanMachine Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 I don't know if she hid because she's ashamed, or that she really hates me. I just really feel like I'm a failure of a person to have been cheated on. She invalidated it and gaslighted me so much, that I even had doubts that she did cheat. I feel like a failure for allowing her in my life. A failure for loving her. A failure for her cheating on me and leaving me for somebody else. And a failure for trying for so long to fix it, when she was ****ing someone else and didn't care. Sigh. This self pity is almost cringeworthy, for your own good please sort yourself out and move on!!!!
Author Throwawayaccount12 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Posted November 22, 2017 This self pity is almost cringeworthy, for your own good please sort yourself out and move on!!!! I don't have anyone to talk to or anywhere to vent. Thanks for your kind words, lol....
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 22, 2017 Posted November 22, 2017 What some may call as self pity, I see it here on LS as a way to vent and express feelings you are dealing with in a secure environment. It is said that you should keep a journal and write down everything you are thinking when this stuff creeps up on you. It is a cathartic means processing your grief and new emotions. Maybe this is just a digital environment for you to express yourself. You will know if and when this becomes a negative loop in your healing when you keep referring to past pain as the present. No progress is made. Then, you should step outside your comfort level and get a really good look at yourself. Forget the ex. Just look at yourself and see you for all your vulnerabilities and needs. As for the ex..That ship has sailed. Process the pain and put it away. Build upon you and the future. It is not the end of the world. Just a curve ball you missed. But their are plenty of "innings" left in the game. You just got to get out there.
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