Oliviasmith24 Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 My boyfriend is graduating college and has been searching for jobs that relate to his major. He has been interviewing but nothing has come out of it. This has been going on for several months now. He's very smart and capable but can't seem to nail down a job offer. It has started to affect our relationship because he seems pretty down most of the time. He takes failure very seriously. I've been there for him through this hard time and want to know what I can do to be there for him. I dont want his stress to ruin what we have.
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 Does he work some place else outside his field while he hunts for the perfect job? If he doesn't then he needs to. He needs to stay active in the work field even if it's just flipping burgers at MacDonald. Statistically speaking it's faster to find a job when you already have one. 2
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted November 20, 2017 Author Posted November 20, 2017 He does have a job right now but he is looking for one where he will make a salary instead of a wage.
basil67 Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 I agree with the questions about whether he has a basic job while he's looking for his desired job. Given two otherwise equal candidates, employers will choose someone who has a good work history. A friend of mine in HR disregards CVs of college graduates who haven't worked already.
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted November 20, 2017 Author Posted November 20, 2017 He works now and has a lot of work experience on his resume. I think his nerves in interviews is what holds him back. But I'm wondering how I can stay supportive when I feel like his stress is putting a damper on our relationship. He is still a great boyfriend but it seems like he is getting depressed over his lack of success. 1
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 How long ago did he graduate? The best way to encourage him is to keep positive. Tell him he will find, it's just a matter of time, there's a great job waiting for him, good things take time. Tell him you beleive in him, he has a lot of potential and soon an employer will see this in him. If he needs time alone just let him be in his cave and don't insist. 4
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 Look for jobs for him & e-mail him the listings. Buy him some lucky socks or a lucky tie (heck spring for the whole suit if you can afford it). Buy him a counseling session or a resume writing session. If you are good at resumes take a look at his to see if you can polish it. Offer him practice interviews. Just be upbeat. 1
TheFinalWord Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 My boyfriend is graduating college and has been searching for jobs that relate to his major. He has been interviewing but nothing has come out of it. This has been going on for several months now. He's very smart and capable but can't seem to nail down a job offer. It has started to affect our relationship because he seems pretty down most of the time. He takes failure very seriously. I've been there for him through this hard time and want to know what I can do to be there for him. I dont want his stress to ruin what we have. This is a pretty challenging test you two are going through. All you can do is be supportive and understanding. IMHO these are the types of life events that really tells you about your relationship. If you come through this together your relationship will be that much stronger. A lot of times dating is all about having your needs fulfilled, but watching 40 some years of marriage in my parents, there is a lot of give and take in which one is carrying the weight. If he returns the same to you during a trial like this, that's how you know if the relationship is solid or not. 1
GemmaUK Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 Sounds like he is falling down at the interview stage. You could suggest a course in interview skills - many places that write resumes offer this. Or a presentation skills course. How is his stress over this making it's way into your relationship exactly though? How is it manifesting? 3
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 If he is getting interviews, then it's not his resume that is the issue. Appearance, attitude, confidence, and asking the right questions. People may not realize this but having a strong knowledge about the company, who works there, how many employees, future projects, company's goals and successes, who the managers are, etc. gives you that edge. 1
carhill Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 He does have a job right now but he is looking for one where he will make a salary instead of a wage. Promote the concept of teamwork, that you're both in it, this job, even if a 'wage', is valuable and every minute he spends in it is an opportunity to make contacts, learn, grow, and be prepared for when that salary opportunity he desires presents itself, including doing things others have suggested. A man can move mountains when he knows the woman he loves has his back. 3
Els Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 What is his major? It's hard to suggest specific ways in which you can help because there is too much we don't know (about his field, about what his preferred love languages are, etc). All I can say is, observe his responses to things that you try. Does he prefer to be left alone, or does he prefer to be hugged and soothed? Would he prefer to talk about it or would he prefer to just be cooked a nice meal? So on and so forth. He should also be looking for advice in his field on how he can find employment opportunities. In many fields, the gateway between college and a relevant job is usually an internship - has he done one? 1
kendahke Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 My boyfriend is graduating college and has been searching for jobs that relate to his major. He has been interviewing but nothing has come out of it. This has been going on for several months now. He's very smart and capable but can't seem to nail down a job offer. It has started to affect our relationship because he seems pretty down most of the time. He takes failure very seriously. I've been there for him through this hard time and want to know what I can do to be there for him. I dont want his stress to ruin what we have. You have to walk a really fine line of being supportive without robbing him of his confidence and pride or turning into "mother". Ask him how much support does he feel comfortable in you giving him instead of taking over. Since it's been pointed out that he gets the interview and therefore it's not the resume, then the problem may be in how not prepared he is for his interviews. That preparation comes in a myriad of ways--from his knowledge of the company to what he looks like when he shows up for the interview to if he made it there on time. Does he know how his present set of skills translate into being an asset for the company for which he's interviewing? How do they benefit this company? Is his professional philosophy in line with the company's mission statement and goals? There are plenty of videos on youtube that give insight into how to successfully prepare for interviews. Suggest that he looks at those if the cost of taking a course/seminar on successful interviewing techniques is out of the budget. The stress that ruins what you have can come as the result of you stepping on his confidence to do for himself. Suggest and guide him, but don't take him by the hand to it. He's old enough to do that himself and if he won't take initiative to change his course, then you need to take a long, hard look at whether or not this guy, with how he is, is really the person with whom you want to spend your life and raise children. 1
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