I want her back, even after being played...

[Genesis5.0]

So first off, I wanted to say how great this site has been for me. Surprisingly, all the reading I've been doing of peoples stories, has distracted me from a good amount of pain. So I decided to sign up and share my story. So let me start off by saying this. I'm 20. She's 18, a senior in High School. I don't know how I ended up liking her tbh, I just saw some girl post some photo on my IG, and had some sad captions to it. I just sent her a nice message to make her feel better, not expecting a reply, but it turns out her grandpa died, and my grandma died recently so I was able to relate with her. Anyways so fast forward like a week in, she's interested in me, blah, blah, blah. We connect pretty good, then some school dance comes up like the following week. She's sad cause she has no one to go to some school dance she has. I was afraid she was going to reject me if I asked I could take her, so I said something along of this. "Hey I know you bought your dress, and you can't return it, but if you decide to not go to your homecoming dance. I can take you out somewhere nice, where you can still put the dress into goo use!" Her response was like "Hahah its okay" or something like that.

 

 

Yeah, so all of a sudden she lost interest in me. I don't hit her up for like 3-4 days after that. I look up how I could get her interest back on the day I'm not contacting her. She likes spicy foods, so she has a palate for spicy things. So what I decided to do, I intentionally ordered spicy wings, eat them. (Even though I know I suck with anything hot lol.) I waited till the next day, and told her about my experience in a very funny manner. Made her laugh a lot, blah. blah. It was perfect, my plan worked perfectly. I took something she loves, and made it funny. So I got her interest back! I also want to mention that prior to her haven't officially got close with a girl for like a good 4 years. So, I'm with her, stuff is going good, and yeah I was with her I wanna say barely a little over a month??? Idk what happened honestly. So like 3 weeks in her mom was in Mexico, so I spent the night at her place one night, and I have to say it was the most amazing intimate sex I've ever had... Like it was nuts!! I made her go 15x's, and she made me go 4x's! I've never made anyone go that many times, and for me a guy to go 4x's that sounds even impossible in my head thinking of it. I asked if it was the best sex she ever had, she said yeah. So I know, she couldn't complain in that field of the relationship.

 

Anyways, I'm getting distracted, so literally now like 16 days later after she let me have sex with her. She lost interest in me yet again.... I know we were moving fast, I didn't say anything, just went with the flow. So just this past Monday I picked her from school, bought her IN N OUT. We ate it in my car, she was acting all lethargic because days before her period she gets very moody and lethargic. Anyway, she tells me oh I can only stay out for hour blah. blah I have homework she says. Keep in mind she lived 15 minutes away, and IN N OUT for both of us is about $20. So yeah, only getting 1 hour of her time kinda bothered me, but I accepted it. Its getting close to the 1 hour mark, her head is on my shoulder, she ask me to take her home. I look at the time, and I'm like I have 11 more minutes with you, you don't want to give me that? She starts to bring up HW again blah blah. I just give a big sigh, and say "OKAY... I'll take you home." I drop her off give her a kiss goodbye, and on my way home I just listen to sad music. I couldn't help, but feel like sh** she couldn't even give me 11 minutes... Like that's sad. So I don't hit her up for like 4-5 hours, and I text her like, Hey I need to address things with you later tonight. So like a week or so prior I had asked her what made a good relationship, she said communication. So I felt like it was (okay) for me to tell her how I felt. I called her up, told how she couldn't even give me 11 minutes bothered me, she apologized about that. Then I told her I just want to see her more, and that's when it got bad...

 

She started saying how busy she is blah, blah, which she is most of the time busy.... I just told her this, like it shouldn't be a crime to want to see you more. You made time for your ex, you can't make time for me? She was holding back on saying something, so I had her say it. So I know she feels like she was rushed in the relationship with me, she basically said I was a rebound to her ex, but she didn't word it like that. She also said this is gonna sound harsh.. "But don't you think you let yourself fall too fast." I told that's out of my control really, but I agreed, and said yeah I know the relationship is really uneven.. She said some excuse saying.. "I can't open up.. I can't open up my heart." I told her, why can't you open up for me, you can for your ex in the past? She said some thing which is not believable IMO.. "Oh well me not opening up was one of the main reasons he dumped me." She had told me in the past, she got dumped, cause he was with another girl. Anyways, none of business though. I just ask her if she wants to be with me or not, just let me know now.. She was like "I need time to think this through." I give her time, not texting really at all the whole day, but I would call at night time just to chat with her, nothing about the relationship, but just. So she continued to act very distant throughout the whole week. I wish I just cut contact sooner with her... But idk, I honestly didn't think it would get this far.

 

Just last weekend I was with her, meeting her best friend. She had told her best friend, something along the lines of. "Hey, I really want you to meet this guy, he's really special, I think he might be the one." Something like that, 3 days later her saying that, is when I got her the IN N OUT and I told her how I felt and everything. Now where I stand with her is she is ignoring me. So I was supposed to go to a concert with her, I bought both tickets, but she went OUT OF HER WAY, to make sure I didn't go with her. It was supposed to be me taking her, her best friend and me to the concert. Instead she got some (close guy friend) to take her to the concert smh... SO I wasted $60 on my ticket, I didn't get to go cool.. I know my mind says to drop her, she doesn't care. I deserve better blah blah. I know I was too good to her, even went online shopping at H&M and let her pick whatever she wanted. I took things too fast, I wish I slowed it down.. Day by day, but I was blind... So yes. I want her back still. Even tho she has been ignoring me since Friday. I'm not sure if this will work since she's the one ignoring me.. BUT.. I want to do the 30 No Contact rule, and see how that plays out. If she contacts me then that's awesome, I'll be sure to not reply until 30 days. If she doesn't contact me... Uhm, I want to contact to her.. She has an orchestra performance coming up, and I'm not sure if this is too strong to text her this in a month after no talking.. "Hey I know you have your performance coming up. First off, best of luck. I know you're gonna do great! I never got to hear you play unfortunately, would it be cool if I came to watch your performance?" I don't want to come off as needy of course... Idk how to word it just yet, I won't send that, until like a month from now.

 

I just hope I can reconnect with her, I know she's masking any feelings she has for me right now, she is going out of her way to act different last I spoke with her. Last I talked to her on the phone, I tried to get an answer if were done or what? She said she still has feelings for me. So I asked If she wanted to work things out, and slow things down?? But.. She gave that.. "I'm not ready to be in a relationship, I have some much going on in my life right now, and other priorities like school." First off that's probably bs, because if her favorite actor or artist asked her out, she's not gonna say no... Idk I just don't want to give up on her, I told I'm looking for something long term, I'm not just in relationships to be in temporarily happiness then leave. I guess that scared her?? Idk what type of mentality girls have? They just want to be in a relationship short term always?? My plan is just to post maybe like 1 or 2 photos of being very happy outgoing, maybe one with a female so she can feel some jealousy, and to not contact for 30 days.

 

I just want to emphasize that, I know I was barely with her a lil over a month, and I'm probably doing too much from what you guys are reading, but I'm not one to just give up on something so easily, so simply... Even my first car I kept it for almost 2 years, and its still reliable to the new owner I sold it to... I apologize for making this so long, thank you to anyone who took time out of there day to read it. I just want to mention one last thing, not that it will matter, but she was really sweet and amazing, when I was with her, is why I want her back... But now.. She can't appreciate anything I've done for her. I know I'm done for wanting her, but I just always follow my heart, any advice would be great. I can't stop thinking of her...

 

TL;DR I want my ex back. She started ignoring me just this Friday. Lost interest in me the second the time. I know she has feelings for me, but is masking them to get over me some reason. I know she feels rushed with our relationship. (Rushed feelings never lead to any good...) I started NC rule for 30 days, the day she started ignoring me. I can't stop thinking of her, hopefully posting like 1 or 2 photos on IG being outgoing and smiley will make her miss me. I don't want to give up what I had with her. Hopefully she text me within the 30 days, so I can reply to her when 30 days are finished, or I will reach out to her after the 30 days. BTW? Does the NC rule work to get an ex back, who started ignoring you first?

[d0nnivain]

The NC rule does not work to get people back. You think it's about absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's not. It's out of sight out of mind. You can't play games with people to get them interested.

 

 

NC is about you healing yourself & getting over someone.

 

 

This girl does not want to date you. You are some guy who made her laugh & bought her some food. That's it. You are not the love of her life no matter what she told her friend. You have to believe her when she says she doesn't want a relationship right now. What that means is she wants to be free to date & have sex with lots of guys, not be tied down to you.

 

 

Because she is 18 & fancy free I suspect that if you disappear she might pop back up solely because she misses the ego stroke of having a 20 year old follow her around like a trained puppy willing to do whatever she commands. She will not come back because she likes YOU. She may come back just because she enjoys having you dance to her tune & likes keeping you on the end of her string, to toy with you when it amuses her.

 

 

If you have any self esteem you will be done with the girl & move on

[Genesis5.0]

The NC rule does not work to get people back. You think it's about absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's not. It's out of sight out of mind. You can't play games with people to get them interested.

 

 

NC is about you healing yourself & getting over someone.

 

 

This girl does not want to date you. You are some guy who made her laugh & bought her some food. That's it. You are not the love of her life no matter what she told her friend. You have to believe her when she says she doesn't want a relationship right now. What that means is she wants to be free to date & have sex with lots of guys, not be tied down to you.

 

 

Because she is 18 & fancy free I suspect that if you disappear she might pop back up solely because she misses the ego stroke of having a 20 year old follow her around like a trained puppy willing to do whatever she commands. She will not come back because she likes YOU. She may come back just because she enjoys having you dance to her tune & likes keeping you on the end of her string, to toy with you when it amuses her.

 

 

If you have any self esteem you will be done with the girl & move on

 

 

I get what you're saying man.. Sigh.. I know its just meant for healing, but I mean to get anyone back in your life? Get them to miss you? Isn't it always done through taking a break, or no communication for awhile. I mean I just want her back, and if she does come back I get what your reference with the string stuff... I just want to take it slow, and essentially be the one to call the shots.. I don't mean that in a bad way, not at all, but I would like her to get attached over time just like I did with her. I mean attached, not just be like something temporarily... I know I should call it quits right off the bat and move on, but Idk something is telling me to just try, there's the thought of not trying again that just kills me.. Of course 2nd time around, that will be it, if nothing comes from it, and will be my time to move on.

[HumanMachine]

She is not interested in you, simple as that. Why is this so hard to grasp for some people?

[Genesis5.0]

She is not interested in you, simple as that. Why is this so hard to grasp for some people?

 

Lol bro. I know that. What I'm not understanding is her feelings. How she gonna tell her best friend one thing, and then like 3 days later, feel 100% different? I don't think she'd lie to her best friend what's the benefit in that? I also don't believe feelings work like that, just 3 days really?? Completely different person? Why have sex with so early on in the relationship? She's only had one sexual partner in the past... I know her interest isn't there, there's no denying that, but what would make someone's feelings change so abruptly? I don't think she's seeing anyone else too early rn, so I'm just at a loss for words.

[d0nnivain]

Her feelings change so quickly because she's an 18 year old HS senior. She thinks she has the world on a string. She's enjoying life. But she's not mature enough to see beyond the moment she's in.

[sdraw108]

I stopped reading after the 11 minute thing.

 

I think you have some growing up to do. You're older than her, so you should be the mature one. A girl wants to go home, and you get annoyed at her over 11 minutes, then call her up later to harass her about it further? It comes across as hugely controlling, and that isn't generally attractive to girls. Honestly, if I was in the early stages of dating with a girl and she made such an issue over something like that, I'd think she was psychotic, and run a mile.

 

Next time a girl wants you to take her home, go out of your way to make it happen, and do it graciously.

Edited November 20, 2017 by sdraw108

[HumanMachine]

Lol bro. I know that. What I'm not understanding is her feelings. How she gonna tell her best friend one thing, and then like 3 days later, feel 100% different? I don't think she'd lie to her best friend what's the benefit in that? I also don't believe feelings work like that, just 3 days really?? Completely different person? Why have sex with so early on in the relationship? She's only had one sexual partner in the past... I know her interest isn't there, there's no denying that, but what would make someone's feelings change so abruptly? I don't think she's seeing anyone else too early rn, so I'm just at a loss for words.

 

Bro?

 

You’re supposed to be 20 yet you’re acting like a 14 year old. Sort yourself out, the chick is not interested in you, it really doesn’t matter what she told her best friend. Stop acting beta.

[Genesis5.0]

I stopped reading after the 11 minute thing.

 

I think you have some growing up to do. You're older than her, so you should be the mature one. A girl wants to go home, and you get annoyed at her over 11 minutes, then call her up later to harass her about it further? It comes across as hugely controlling, and that isn't generally attractive to girls. Honestly, if I was in the early stages of dating with a girl and she made such an issue over something like that, I'd think she was psychotic, and run a mile.

 

Next time a girl wants you to take her home, go out of your way to make it happen, and do it graciously.

 

I get where you're coming from. It's kinda she doesn't appreciate the fact, I drive 15 minutes to her, and drive back home another 15 minutes. That's 30 minutes travel time, plus In N Out is is like $20+ for two people. The effort I put in compared to her putting in 11 minutes. The only reason I "harassed" you say, about it over via phone is cause she said communication makes a great relationship. So I trusted she meant that, but it was probably just something she heard on TV or something. Typically, I wouldn't complain over something as little as that.

[Genesis5.0]

Bro?

 

You’re supposed to be 20 yet you’re acting like a 14 year old. Sort yourself out, the chick is not interested in you, it really doesn’t matter what she told her best friend. Stop acting beta.

 

Yeah my guy, I know it doesn't matter what she told her best friend. My point to that was, she was interested 3 days ago when telling her best friend, and now could care less about my life.

 

Also want to add to this, I know she's not interested. I'm not one to call it quit super easy. That's with a car or anything in life. I know she may lost interest, but I know she may have feelings, but clearly not much. I don't think it will work, but try the 30 day no contact rule with her, I don't think it will work, but it will give me a month to reach out to her again. She has a performance coming up she invited me to, and yeah... I just want to say something like. "I know your performance is coming up, best of luck. I know you're gonna do great!" She invited me to this thing like a month or so ago, but my intent is to go, and tell her how awesome she performed, or how well she played her violin. Idk how to ask her though... If she'll be (okay) with me going to watch her perform. I know you're going to get mad at me, and just say give up or something, she's not interested, but that's not the path I want to take. It will KILL me inside if I don't try a 2nd time with her. I won't have that thought of "not trying" in the back of my mind.

Edited November 20, 2017 by Genesis5.0