whattodo77 Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 I am totally broken and i don't even know where to start. My fiance have been together 7 years and were to get married end of this month. We broke up a couple of months ago as I found out he had double standards - not wanting to allow me freedom of work and male friends, yet he was allowed to have female friends (even though he said he didn't have female friends) i found evidence he had many and was spending time with them one on one. After a couple of months apart we made contact with each other, he cried and apologized for hurting me and treating me badly and we got back together after lengthy discussions. He has been moved away to another country for work and wanted me to go there, so i gave up my lease and work and packed myself up to move, he told me in a phone conversation 2 weeks ago he was going to be in touch tomorrow with the ticket details for my airfare and to get ready to come over. He never got back to me and a week past and no contact or reply to my messages. Last week I find he has blocked me without explanation and i am unable to reach him. I had a friend reach out to him on my behalf and he replied with "sorry i got engaged" we did some detective work online and we found a facebook profile of his it says he is in a relationship and there's a girl on there that he has linked to his profile. I am shattered and dont know what to do. I am without work, income or a home and i am now blocked and lost my relationship too. My friend said to message the girl and let her know he is living a double life. I am not sure what to do. I am heart broken and lost. Any advice?
PegNosePete Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 I don't know if he has BPD or OCD or ADHD or DHL or NASA. There are a million and one different types of "personality disorder" that people use to explain behaviour. The simple fact is, he has douchebag-itis. He is a complete user who goes around hurting women, and he has fooled you not once, but twice. Why on earth would you take him back after he quite obviously cheated on you? And why on earth would you give up your leave and job to go and visit him, when there was no guarantee you'd even get on with him at all?? It doesn't matter what's wrong with him. He is a jerk, that is all. Now you need to stop trying to diagnose what's wrong with him and why he did what he did. You need to concentrate on YOU now. The first thing you need to do is to block this idiot in every way possible. Make it impossible for him to contact you. You do not need people like that in your life. The next thing you need to do is to get your job back if possible, or if not possible, try to get another. Find somewhere to live. You need to rebuild your life. 7
Lifesaver Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 I am totally broken and i don't even know where to start. My fiance have been together 7 years and were to get married end of this month. We broke up a couple of months ago as I found out he had double standards - not wanting to allow me freedom of work and male friends, yet he was allowed to have female friends (even though he said he didn't have female friends) i found evidence he had many and was spending time with them one on one. After a couple of months apart we made contact with each other, he cried and apologized for hurting me and treating me badly and we got back together after lengthy discussions. He has been moved away to another country for work and wanted me to go there, so i gave up my lease and work and packed myself up to move, he told me in a phone conversation 2 weeks ago he was going to be in touch tomorrow with the ticket details for my airfare and to get ready to come over. He never got back to me and a week past and no contact or reply to my messages. Last week I find he has blocked me without explanation and i am unable to reach him. I had a friend reach out to him on my behalf and he replied with "sorry i got engaged" we did some detective work online and we found a facebook profile of his it says he is in a relationship and there's a girl on there that he has linked to his profile. I am shattered and dont know what to do. I am without work, income or a home and i am now blocked and lost my relationship too. My friend said to message the girl and let her know he is living a double life. I am not sure what to do. I am heart broken and lost. Any advice? Not even sure where to begin. How do you go on for 7 years and not realize his double standards? I would keep myself out of that mess and work on getting your life back in gear. Hes a POS that needs to just be a learnt lesson for you now. 1
stillafool Posted November 20, 2017 Posted November 20, 2017 There is nothing left to do but try to get your job back or another job and go on with your life. I wouldn't try to reach out to him again. Why would you? He is obviously a liar. Sorry this happened to you but it's better it happened before you moved to another country. 2
Author whattodo77 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 (edited) After much thought have decided to get my friend to deliver evidence to the new girlfriend in the form of screenshots of messages (lots with telling me how much he loves me and wants only me) and also voice recordings and call logs so she can know what he is doing behind her back. I have never had to do this before and would like advise on how to do this. I will be contacting her through facebook as i have no other way of contacting her. Edited November 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged ~T 1
Author whattodo77 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Posted November 21, 2017 Thanks everyone for your replies. Time to move on and shut this door, so very painful.
Confused48 Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 You are not married and have no children together? The new GF is not yet aware of you, not harming you on purpose? The new GF does not have someone she is cheating on? I'd say you are kicking a hornet's nest and you would be better off walking away without doing that. This is my advice even though I am a very vengeance minded person. I admit that about myself. But in your situation I think you will recover faster and be better off if you just get out of this situation with as little extra drama as possible. 4
Doorstopper Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 After much thought have decided to get my friend to deliver evidence to the new girlfriend in the form of screenshots of messages (lots with telling me how much he loves me and wants only me) and also voice recordings and call logs so she can know what he is doing behind her back. I have never had to do this before and would like advise on how to do this. I will be contacting her through facebook as i have no other way of contacting her. What are you hoping to achieve by doing this? If she dumps him and he comes back to you, you have a temporary win and possibly a lifetime of misery.` The next time it happens you could be married and have children, making a separation all the more difficult. I know it is difficult to see this now, but someday you will look back on this and realize that what happened was a good thing. Good luck! 1
stillafool Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 After much thought have decided to get my friend to deliver evidence to the new girlfriend in the form of screenshots of messages (lots with telling me how much he loves me and wants only me) and also voice recordings and call logs so she can know what he is doing behind her back. I have never had to do this before and would like advise on how to do this. I will be contacting her through facebook as i have no other way of contacting her. Are you doing this for her welfare or for revenge against him? 1
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 r. The simple fact is, he has douchebag-itis. Couldn't have said it better. Now onto OP. You fell for it and got burned. Lets get your life in order and secure. Then we can move into boyfriend realm... You need a place to live, a job, and family and friends to lean on during this trial. You will be okay. 1 step at a time. 1 foot in front of the other. Make sure that you never hear from this tool again. And please, don't slingshot into another relationship either. Just breathe for a while. Sorry this happened. Tough way to learn a lesson.
stillafool Posted November 21, 2017 Posted November 21, 2017 After much thought have decided to get my friend to deliver evidence to the new girlfriend in the form of screenshots of messages (lots with telling me how much he loves me and wants only me) and also voice recordings and call logs so she can know what he is doing behind her back. Don't take the cowards way out and have your friend do it. Own it. If you are going to out him do it yourself. He's going to know you're the one behind it anyway. 1
Author whattodo77 Posted December 2, 2017 Author Posted December 2, 2017 update: just letting everyone know that the message was sent to the current gf along with screenshots of the conversations him and i had as well as phone logs. She was in denial and got abusive at me. A few days later she has removed him from her "in a relationship" status on social media and put up "it's complicated"
Doorstopper Posted December 2, 2017 Posted December 2, 2017 update: just letting everyone know that the message was sent to the current gf along with screenshots of the conversations him and i had as well as phone logs. She was in denial and got abusive at me. A few days later she has removed him from her "in a relationship" status on social media and put up "it's complicated" Make sure you have the strength to resist, if he tries to contact you. If necessary, change your phone number. 2
Author whattodo77 Posted January 6, 2018 Author Posted January 6, 2018 Make sure you have the strength to resist, if he tries to contact you. If necessary, change your phone number. He hasn't tried to contact at all and he still has me blocked everywhere.
basil67 Posted January 6, 2018 Posted January 6, 2018 He hasn't tried to contact at all and he still has me blocked everywhere. Excellent. It means more chance of you never hearing from him again. However, I would change your social media so that you don't even know if he's blocked you. Sounds to me like you haven't blocked him.
WilyWill Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) You were right to inform his latest fiancee. Whether you did it out of revenge or whatever, it doesn't matter. She has every right to know what kind of [person] she was planning to marry. You will love again, and it will be a better man next time around. Edited January 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2
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