Guest Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 You are the OW. It ends amicably and he goes back to his marriage. The MM never tells his wife what really happened. 10 years later, you receive an e-mail from his wife, asking you to confirm/deny her suspicions. How would you respond? The truth? Not quite the truth? Deny it all? Ask her questions first? Thanks.
newbby Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 well does he tell her ANYTHING? what does she wish to know? details of the affair or existence of the affair? if its just the details, tell her it was so long ago you dont really remember. if it is whether the affair actually happened, i dont know what is best. if she is bringing this up after 10 years, perhaps he is having other affairs of which she is suspicious, and she wishes to know whether he is capable of this by confirming that he has done it before. it is a tricky one, perhaps ask her why she is bringing this up after all this time.
smile95 Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 How did she ever get your email address.......if you even had email 10 yrs ago and she found that......just ignore her......email addresses change and you owe her nothing. My guess is that he has another OW now and she is putting the pieces together.
Art_Critic Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Ignore... 10 years have passed.. why let yourself get pulled into that kind of drama. If you reply I think you basically verify that it happened even if all you say is that it didn't. A person that did nothing wrong would not reply to the e-mail but a person the did have the affair would reply and they would most likely deny.
lynnered Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 ignore, i agree as far as having the same email that many years later
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Honestly ten years after the fact... I would read the email but not reply at all and then block her email address.
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 And if you were the wife and wanted to know so you emailed the OW after 10 years, how would you feel if she didn't reply? I would think that the OW got scared. Honestly, I was thinking about this a few days ago, what if some woman accused me of having an affair with her husband and I am not? I would be short and kind and tell her that nothing like that has ever happened. I wouldn't want any woman to suffer in false fears and assumptions. So.. if you want to set him up then do not reply. If you want to save his ass then tell her she is wrong and you never had an affair. Depending on the type of your acquaintance, you might tell her that you were only friends or co-workers or you don't even know who her husband is but in any case you've never had an affair with a MM.
smile95 Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 And if you were the wife and wanted to know so you emailed the OW after 10 years, how would you feel if she didn't reply? I would think that the OW got scared. I f I were the wife, I would assume in 10 yrs that the email was not the same anymore! Why get involved in that big mess again? IGNORE IT. Unless you want drama. If you reply, that will lead to more contact from the wife. If you reply you are basically forced to lie to her unless you really want to screw with him.
newbby Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 if the wife has the email address, there must have been some sort of ongoing contact with the family. that is what i assumed.
Guest Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 The MM and OW still e-mail occasionally (updates on babies born, that kind of thing.) W has OW's current e-mail address.
Breathe Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 The truth can hurt people in the worst way, but show some respect, own your mistakes and get the whole truth out. Either way your taking a risk of the wife finding out. It would be better for the MM to be the one to be honest, come clean and tell the wife rather than her here it from someone else. Don't wait too long... the wife could be sending that email right now as you read this!!!
newbby Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 but... it was 10 years ago!!! married people tend to do this thing where they hang on to old stuff long after they should do, i've seen it in so many marriages, no wonder hardly any of them last. she may be looking for an excuse to get out herself, she may be building up resentment like so many do, or she may be wondering if he is doing it again. who knows, but i wouldnt admit it, whats the point, all thats going to happen is the wife is going to go through it all as though it was yesterday, it wont do her any favours.
GUEST Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 Originally posted by newbby ... but i wouldnt admit it, whats the point, all thats going to happen is the wife is going to go through it all as though it was yesterday, it wont do her any favours. On the other hand, the W has clearly had suspicions for 10 years that H is not being entirely honest. "We're just friends" doesn't fully explain a lengthy on-going friendship, e-mail in hidden accounts, and cards, all from a woman he never mentioned to the W.
newbby Posted August 21, 2005 Posted August 21, 2005 right. in that case, i just don't know. sorry. you have to weigh it up. did she ask, did you ever have an affair? or did she ask if you are having one? perhaps she thinks it is alot more recent than it was, in which case it might be reassuring to her to know that it was a very brief thing 10 years ago and you kept in touch initially because you wanted to keep things friendly and then you were just friends. that he realised it was a big mistake and he loved her.
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