What are the hardest days/times when going through a break up?

[Nothingtolose]

This is not my first rodeo - I've had to heal and mend my heart more times than I can remember, although this is the first time that I had lived with a partner, just the 2 of us, and shared a life together that way.

 

Every time I've gone through a break up, I've noticed that weekends seem to be the time when I hurt the most. During the week I sort of go about my day, go to work, interact with people, do something after work, go to bed, start all over again. Weekends are tough. In past break ups, I filled my weekends with social activities, but now that I'm studying again, I actually have to stay home most of the weekend to do assignments, which makes me feel SO alone and isolated. I feel like everyone's out there, watching a movie or having a meal with their partner, and I'm here, staring at my laptop. The fact that it's so cold (definitely cuddle season) doesn't help.

 

Every time I went through a break up in the past, I hoped the next guy was going to be the one, and that I'd never had to deal with another heartbreak again. Yet every time, I was wrong...again.

 

When do you struggle the most?

[alterest]

Well, same sensation for cold days. During the week when I go to my job I can distract myself from the world. But at night and for the whole weekend I keep overthinking (about break up, about what did she says, about non-clousure, about anything I could done to us that lead to break up... about everthing) and sometimes trying to see how she is doing, but I hold myself and I try to do anything to make me not thinking about her. It's pretty hard sometimes.

[Highndry]

I can handle the days just fine, it's the nights that are brutal for me. Not having her laying by my side every night (we lived together 2 years) has left a void in my life that I cannot fill. I never had the winter doldrums before, I used to love the season, but I am miserable lately.

[Buriall]

Its a different battle everyday...Highs and lows, but i know this is just a ride...

[Nothingtolose]

I can handle the days just fine, it's the nights that are brutal for me. Not having her laying by my side every night (we lived together 2 years) has left a void in my life that I cannot fill. I never had the winter doldrums before, I used to love the season, but I am miserable lately.

 

How long has it been for you since the break up? I seem to be doing worse now 2 months in than I did on the first month. Maybe back then I still had a glimmer of hope that he would try do something to save us, and now that it's been 2 months, it's really hit me that it's over. I woke up last night in the middle of the night and all I wanted was to have someone there to hold.

[HumanMachine]

Sunday, between 4-6pm. Ouch.

[Octavian8]

Definitely weekends. I feel so alone during them. Knowing I could be with her cuddling and watching a movie or something just kills me inside. Also night time, like right before bed when I'm alone with my thoughts it just really sinks in. That this is life now, Im really living this and its not a nightmare Im gonna wake up out of. Crushing.

[Highndry]

How long has it been for you since the break up? I seem to be doing worse now 2 months in than I did on the first month. Maybe back then I still had a glimmer of hope that he would try do something to save us, and now that it's been 2 months, it's really hit me that it's over. I woke up last night in the middle of the night and all I wanted was to have someone there to hold.

 

Couple months as well. I'll be your snuggle buddy.

 

It's weird, I was doing so well a while ago and then I went back into a funk. I know how you feel.

[chinadiary]

Any time I'm not working.

 

Mornings, when I wake up and the realisation hits me.

Driving, when my mind is free to think of him.

Evenings, when tv/reading etc isn't enough of a distraction.

Nights, when I can't sleep and just lay awake, thinking about him.

 

Really, WHY do we do relationships, when the end is this hell?

[Isle]

I'm also a student, so I spend Monday to Friday studying and a portion of the weekend either revising or completing assignments. My partner and I lived together and for me the worst time is the evening. I hate the feeling of sleeping alone after eight years, so I purposefully go to bed very late so I'm extremely tired and less likely to think too deeply about things.

[Gezalmem]

This is not my first rodeo - I've had to heal and mend my heart more times than I can remember, although this is the first time that I had lived with a partner, just the 2 of us, and shared a life together that way.

 

Every time I've gone through a break up, I've noticed that weekends seem to be the time when I hurt the most. During the week I sort of go about my day, go to work, interact with people, do something after work, go to bed, start all over again. Weekends are tough. In past break ups, I filled my weekends with social activities, but now that I'm studying again, I actually have to stay home most of the weekend to do assignments, which makes me feel SO alone and isolated. I feel like everyone's out there, watching a movie or having a meal with their partner, and I'm here, staring at my laptop. The fact that it's so cold (definitely cuddle season) doesn't help.

 

Every time I went through a break up in the past, I hoped the next guy was going to be the one, and that I'd never had to deal with another heartbreak again. Yet every time, I was wrong...again.

 

When do you struggle the most?

 

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago (tried to reconcile 2 months ago and was rejected). I frequently have vivid, traumatizing dreams about her, so mornings are definitely the worst for me. I am an adult male and I literally wake up in tears some days, it's hell on earth.

[Isle]

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago (tried to reconcile 2 months ago and was rejected). I frequently have vivid, traumatizing dreams about her, so mornings are definitely the worst for me. I am an adult male and I literally wake up in tears some days, it's hell on earth.

 

If it's any consolation mate, you're not alone. I'm still having crazy dreams about my ex (split for a month now). I had a really vivid one last week in which she told me she'd love me forever and that she wanted to grow old with me. I realised I was in a dream and told her that in reality she'd left me and when I woke I'd be all alone. She cried, hugged me and whispered "never". Then, I woke up all alone. Hell on earth is a good description.

[chinadiary]

it's hell on earth.

 

Yes. This.

[Beachead]

Same here OP. I'm into my 3rd breakup. 3rd disappointment. 3rd time going through this crappy, miserable no contact period. I feel like I've spent more time healing in my life than I have been happy. It doesn't get easier.

 

My ex went back to her ex in early August immediately following our breakup because her ex was still very much in the picture and I knew she was still in love with him.

 

The first 2 months after the breakup felt okay but once I hit the 3rd, I regressed into this miserable state. I can only assume I was in denial in those first 2 months. I thought they would eventually break up since things were problematic enough for her to end it with him the first time, but as the weeks of NC between us pile on, I am realizing more and more that they are making it and I may never hear from her again. It's agonizing. The pain is throughout the day and far worse in the nights or when I'm alone. It quiets down a little when I'm working or with friends but returns a few hours after. I'm triggered by a lot of things and I often have to catch my breath. Sometimes it's bad enough I may tear up. I don't know why I got back into a relationship when the last one nearly wiped me out.

Edited November 19, 2017 by Beachead

[chinadiary]

I don't know why I got back into a relationship when the last one nearly wiped me out.

 

 

 

Exactly. Much as I'd like to find someone to grow old with, I can't go through this again. I'll settle for peace of mind and being alone. Sitting, checking to see if he's got in touch, not knowing how I'll make it to bedtime, let alone through tomorrow, the week, month, year, until I feel better.

 

WHY do we allow ourselves to feel like this? Do this to ourselves?

[Buriall]

 

WHY do we allow ourselves to feel like this? Do this to ourselves?

 

 

You have to understand you can't have love without the pain there is always the opposite of everything for example up and down, right or left..and so on

 

why do we say falling in love? why dont we say rising into love?? there is a connection here with falling and creation. You feel the way you do because you've giving yourself up. This is the most powerful thing that can be done, surrender and love is an act of surrender to another person total abandonment...i give myself to you, so to give oneself up is quite mad, and we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity

[chinadiary]

You have to understand you can't have love without the pain there is always the opposite of everything for example up and down, right or left..and so on

 

why do we say falling in love? why dont we say rising into love?? there is a connection here with falling and creation. You feel the way you do because you've giving yourself up. This is the most powerful thing that can be done, surrender and love is an act of surrender to another person total abandonment...i give myself to you, so to give oneself up is quite mad, and we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity

 

 

I get that. But the pain is so much. The temptation to want to die to stop it so extreme. That IF I get through it, I will not risk it again. It's too much.

[wishyouneverleft]

Exactly. Much as I'd like to find someone to grow old with, I can't go through this again. I'll settle for peace of mind and being alone. Sitting, checking to see if he's got in touch, not knowing how I'll make it to bedtime, let alone through tomorrow, the week, month, year, until I feel better.

 

WHY do we allow ourselves to feel like this? Do this to ourselves?

 

 

 

I don't even know where to point the finger at anymore. Betrayal, immaturity, and false intentions exist regardless of gender, social classes, financial status, etc.

 

So onto the OP question:

 

Preface

 

She was acting distant for 5 days, even went as far as tell me she regrets losing her virginity to me. This is after swearing to me she wants to be my wife, I was the one, we were soul mates, God made us cross paths at the perfect moment, after the second week of meeting we would sleep next to each other via Facetime, planned our lives together, our families were happy about us. I sent her money for her flight when she was supposed to come and told her she doesn't have to fly over because I also knew she was going through a lot and was trying to give her space and be understanding. I was trying to be the perfect boyfriend.

 

The convo:

 

Her: The reason I've been acting so distant is because I feel I have a lot on my plate and I think I need to be alone now. I know you'll hate me, but this is what I've decided to do. Please respect my wishes

 

Me: Please, I've made you my world my center of happiness. We can get through this, please tell me what I have to do. Look what I got you...

 

::I send picture of engagement ring I bought with my aunt::

 

Her: I never told you to buy that. I feel terrible now.

 

Me: Please don't ever contact me again. I'll cherish our memories we made together. You don't know how much damage you do to people. Use the money I sent for therapy. Please don't contact me again.....

 

 

The OUTCOME

 

She calls me the next day, I ignore it, then she e-mails me. It was about picking up a packet she was having mailed to my house. I told my cousin to tell her what ever I owe her to let me know. She came to my state still and still wanted to see me, explained how what happened was so horrible (didn't even take responsibility). Told me she still loved me. I had a call the day she had to leave back home and I told her there's just no trust and said good bye, she stood quiet I guess expecting me to beg. After that I sent her a scathing e-mail and thought it was over. NC from then on.

 

2 months after the breakup she tried to contact me via the only medium I didn't block her (Facebook voice call). I sent a screen shot to my cousin that lives in her city and she asks her again not to contact me.

[Buriall]

exactly, you pretty much gamble everytime you fall in love you can either win or lose..you see what im saying??

[chinadiary]

exactly, you pretty much gamble everytime you fall in love you can either win or lose..you see what im saying??

 

 

I do. I'm not a betting woman anymore. Not willing to risk the little capital I have.

[Buriall]

eh wish it was just capital that they take and leave....

[wishyouneverleft]

eh wish it was just capital that they take and leave....

 

 

Me too! I don't even care about the money or material possessions. I care about the time and emotional investment that I gave. The pit in my heart that exists from this is so horrible.

[Buriall]

Me too! I don't even care about the money or material possessions. I care about the time and emotional investment that I gave. The pit in my heart that exists from this is so horrible.

 

to me giving myself to the other is priceless...and no capital can buy time and happiness.

 

and those relationships built solely on capita, and other material possessions will only come down crushing like a house of cards one day..

[chinadiary]

The capital I'm taking about isn't financial. It's mental and emotional. They spent it as if it's water when really it's blood. Spendthrifts who toss love aside. Urgh. I'm done with it.

[wishyouneverleft]

to me giving myself to the other is priceless...and no capital can buy time and happiness.

 

and those relationships built solely on capita, and other material possessions will only come down crushing like a house of cards one day..

 

Sorry, I don't think I was clear. I said it because out of all the things I invested the only thing I'd like to take back is the time and emotions that I invested. She wanted to give me back my things and money, but none of that matters to me. I just want to heal and move on.