Should I give up?

[jume]

I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past one year, and it was long distance, so we could meet each other only twice. However, we have been face timing all the time. Honestly I have not been the best version of me to him and took him for granted. We had a big fight, I was very rude to him and when we were on a break he said yes to a girl who has been into him for a couple of a years. She had shown interest in him, but he never reciprocated .By the time I calmed down and got back to him, he told me that he started seeing her, they slept together and he wants to call it off with me. I did not want to give up on him, so I apologized and he said he needs time to think. But a few days later he rang me up and told me that if I had not been rude to him from the beginning he wouldn't have left me for the other girl. Since they both are from the same city they got enough time to built intimacy whereas the relationship with me has been long distance. He says it would be wrong from his part if he leaves that girl and come back to me since that would mean that he used her as a rebound. However, he said he still likes me, but he is choosing her over me since it's too late to change his decisions. However, I think that I should not give up on him so easily since I truly feel that he is a good guy and should not let him go. In the beginning of the relationship I used to think that I'm too good for him since I'm better educated and have better social conditions. Now when he is gone, I really regret taking him for granted and genuinely feel that he is my soulmate. I feel like I shouldn't let go a good guy so easily, but at the same time I think I shouldn't be pursuing someone who has already decided to call it off with me. I know it's a lesson for me not to take anyone for granted, but at the same time, I wish I still had a chance with him.

[LovelyRose]

I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past one year, and it was long distance, so we could meet each other only twice. However, we have been face timing all the time. Honestly I have not been the best version of me to him and took him for granted. We had a big fight, I was very rude to him and when we were on a break he said yes to a girl who has been into him for a couple of a years. She had shown interest in him, but he never reciprocated .By the time I calmed down and got back to him, he told me that he started seeing her, they slept together and he wants to call it off with me. I did not want to give up on him, so I apologized and he said he needs time to think. But a few days later he rang me up and told me that if I had not been rude to him from the beginning he wouldn't have left me for the other girl. Since they both are from the same city they got enough time to built intimacy whereas the relationship with me has been long distance. He says it would be wrong from his part if he leaves that girl and come back to me since that would mean that he used her as a rebound. However, he said he still likes me, but he is choosing her over me since it's too late to change his decisions. However, I think that I should not give up on him so easily since I truly feel that he is a good guy and should not let him go. In the beginning of the relationship I used to think that I'm too good for him since I'm better educated and have better social conditions. Now when he is gone, I really regret taking him for granted and genuinely feel that he is my soulmate. I feel like I shouldn't let go a good guy so easily, but at the same time I think I shouldn't be pursuing someone who has already decided to call it off with me. I know it's a lesson for me not to take anyone for granted, but at the same time, I wish I still had a chance with him.

 

 

Take this as a painful life lesson, learn from it and move on. You already blew it. She's closer. Even if he chooses to come back to you, theres a potential drama waiting to happen. She might become an issue knowing she is so close to him.

 

If you got back together, for sure you will still have fights. It will be easy for him to get tempted and run to her for comfort.

 

Move on, heal and next time you're in a relationship treat them how you would want to be treated. You're not better than anyone else. Treat everybody as equal.

[maxi105]

hello jume.

 

hhmmm...I'm afraid I think you've already blown it!!!!!!!!!! sorry....

 

but maybe if you want to save any part of your conscience or add a small piece of moral redress to this man and sincerely address how things got to this pretty sad and ironic stage; then I guess the least you can do (if you are truly sorry for how you behaved), is to swallow any stubborn pride that was, and let him know why you did what you did whilst of course apologising to him in the best way you can.

 

if he likes you (and wants you), you may have a slight chance for things to sink in a bit for him, (that is; provided he could love or trust you over the new person he is seeing). but you need to be realistic with all of this!!!! there is no reasons why he should leave this girl for you. it doesn't sound as though you have shown him much kindness and you haven't elaborated on the rudeness so it sounds as if you really took advantage of knowing how he felt about you but you enjoyed the power you had for that time, knowing that its nice to be wanted, even if you don't want them back!!! so I'm wondering what would he have to look for in you - this time?

 

have you changed? if he was still single would you want him so much as you think? (I'm not denying this, I'm just asking as i don't know you or him).

 

the last time he was hopeful you ran roughshod over him!!!! so you can see he might be cautious of you now!!! maybe you need to learn that you cant just pick people up and drop them down or expect them to do that for you because you want them. peoples feelings are just as important as yours whatever you think, whatever you thought; and now you've been forced to think about feelings, i suspect you are feeling some of the shame and guilt of what you've done, which he will also have felt in his own way in not knowing what it was you didn't want in him before. ie, two people hurting needlessly because you didn't value him or see things on a more mature level.

 

i suspect he is very intelligent! and he has taught you things that you thought you were smarter than him on!

 

if im honest with you, I'm afraid you seem to still be trying to gently wish to control the situation in your own small way; even though you don't have him (even though I think you do have better intensions as far as seeing your mistakes and short comings are concerned, in that you have at least seen your mistake and are wanting to try to put it right in your eyes). but this situation is at the moment just though your eyes.

 

i get it that now you know you want to put it right to want the chance to love him, but it isn't your want to want that really; its up to him and if he wants to dump on another girl which he has said he doesn't really feel comfortable with.

 

but if i can offer you any positives here (and it is slim and depends on you putting your feelings aside for once), then I think at least if you communicate with him what you really feel and why you treated him so badly, then at least he will know why you behaved the way you did and if he choses to he can think things through for himself.

 

it sounds easy letting people know how you feel, but its not as easy as it sounds, especially where you know you have behaved badly to someone who didn't deserve it!!! also, its not as easy as writing to a bunch of strangers on line where in this situation it is not actually dealing with it, its just talking about absolving guilt, trying to eliviate a position or justify things etc...or think how bad a person am i , do others agree or not...etc....but if you CAN find it in yourself to put yourself out to him in a letter or something then at least this might go some way to communicate that wish to put something small morally right to him now.

 

even late apologies can sometimes help people move ahead or just settle a part of them that has been unfairly left in a state of anxiety,

 

it sounds as though you may have had different people close to you in your life telling you how special you are and how amazing your life / job is and that your possessions/ambition are who you are and they have also encourage the surface world you were shallowly caught up with...

 

if that could be part of it? then as you have actually discovered, any relationship that is worth anything deeper takes a lot more than whatever fantasy ideals!!!!

 

maybe you also want this person as he is someone that isn't buying any of this shallow nonsense that you have got caught up in?

 

if you are prepared to be honest and true to him you might have a slim slim chance for him to consider you maybe - in the future. its a very small chance but its a potential chance that you wont have if you keep things as they are.

 

but, i really fear: if you are too proud to face up to what you did and tell him your feelings and apologise in a mature and courteous way and in a way I feel he probably deserves from you, then your treatment of him was even more damming really and i doubt you will ever feel anything other than pangs of regret every time you feel unhappy about this situation.

 

I'm sorry i cant be more positive for you on this one, it is a harsh lesson you yourself have seen, and now have been forced to feel. but i guess this is often what happens later on in those relationships where people have been rude and or unfair to good people who probably should have had more respect than were shown at the time.

 

but one question i am not sure of is how are you or what makes you think you are both soul mates??????

 

just remember if he choses to stay where he is then you'll just have to accept that. i just think an apology will help you and him to see things a bit more clearer than they were or have been. and besides, if you are sorry, even if he doesn't or cant be with you, it is a small kindness that someone that has probably been kind to you deserves.

 

good luck, but i guess its a cautionary tale of what can happen if people don't talk, listen or respect another persons feelings!

 

a letter will enable you to address all of the above, but as i say...only if you are honest and sincere in your means to communicate this to him.

 

fingers crossed. maxi.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past one year, and it was long distance, so we could meet each other only twice. However, we have been face timing all the time. Honestly I have not been the best version of me to him and took him for granted. We had a big fight, I was very rude to him and when we were on a break he said yes to a girl who has been into him for a couple of a years. She had shown interest in him, but he never reciprocated .By the time I calmed down and got back to him, he told me that he started seeing her, they slept together and he wants to call it off with me. I did not want to give up on him, so I apologized and he said he needs time to think. But a few days later he rang me up and told me that if I had not been rude to him from the beginning he wouldn't have left me for the other girl. Since they both are from the same city they got enough time to built intimacy whereas the relationship with me has been long distance. He says it would be wrong from his part if he leaves that girl and come back to me since that would mean that he used her as a rebound. However, he said he still likes me, but he is choosing her over me since it's too late to change his decisions. However, I think that I should not give up on him so easily since I truly feel that he is a good guy and should not let him go. In the beginning of the relationship I used to think that I'm too good for him since I'm better educated and have better social conditions. Now when he is gone, I really regret taking him for granted and genuinely feel that he is my soulmate. I feel like I shouldn't let go a good guy so easily, but at the same time I think I shouldn't be pursuing someone who has already decided to call it off with me. I know it's a lesson for me not to take anyone for granted, but at the same time, I wish I still had a chance with him.

 

Based on what you've shared, I hardly understand how this guy could have been your 'soulmate.' You've only met one another 2x. The remainder of the time has been via video, texting, phone calls, etc.

 

I think that you being w/o a bf and he is gone, that is what you are regretting. Being w/o a partner. Long distance, identifying how you two are not fully compatible (soulmate???) AND how he cheated on you (or did he?), all signal NOT A SOULMATE.