A guy who seemed to care for me broke up with me out of nowhere?

[citydweller]

I’m 22. I was dating a 29 year old man for three months. We met in person. He approached me and I initially rejected him. We live in the same neighborhood so we always saw each other around and after a few weeks he approached me again and I gave him my card for fun. He was hot and heavy the first few weeks. He moved it really fast and I went at his pace. He took me out on dates, picked me up from school (I’m a graduate student), which happens to be an hour from where we live, to drive me home, texted me all day and night without fail, remembered every detail of things I told him. He always told me how in awe he was that I’m not just beautiful but ambitious, kind and smart (his words). And i know he meant what he said by his actions and behavior and because I know my self worth and what I bring to the table. Initially, I wasn’t nearly as into him as he was into me, but went along with it because he was a good guy and I liked being taken care of. But as time passed, my feelings grew and we became close (perhaps too fast). I never, ever pushed anything on him. He introduced me to his parents, his family and his grandfather all on his own terms. He introduced me to every friend he has, all of whom told him how much they loved me. I supported him in his career, helped him with everything, cared for him and he always told me things like that I changed his life and I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. He told me more than once that I’m the girl he is going to marry someday. One day two weeks ago we got into an argument because he wouldn’t delete a photo he had up with an ex girlfriend and post one with me. After the argument he said we need to talk, so we met in person and did. He told me that he is not ready to have the bf gf titles and that we moved too fast. He said he wants to keep seeing me but take a step back. And Im not an amateur. I knew that likely meant that he still wants to have sex with me but wants to keep his options open. But I know my worth, so I immediately said I am not interested in being with a man who isn’t sure whether he wants to be with me. I will not do the halfway thing. I walked out on him.

 

Two days later, literally TWO DAYS LATER, he was BEGGING for me back. Saying he made a mistake and he wants to be with me. He said he missed me and showed up to my house with roses and immediately deleted all the photos of his ex. He went back to his pursuits, he was making plans with me for new year’s just days ago. He brought me two his parents’ home just days ago and was talking about our future months from now. Then out of the blue...one day after we woke up together and he called me beautiful and kissed me, he TEXTS me in the morning telling me “im an amazing girl but hes not ready to give me what I want and is not in a good place and enjoys being single and his freedom and wants to be alone. Said he doesnt want to hurt me and thinks I have too much going for me to be with anyone but someone who can give me 100%”

 

My heart hurts because he did this over a text. I am not a stranger to him. We went through intimate difficult personal ordeals together, we spent everyday seeing each other and talking to each other for the last three months and just DAYS AGO he was makinng future plans with me. It hurts so much.

 

WHY did he do this? What could have changed his mind so fast? I an trying to be mature, to love myself and come to terms with it. But I can’t help but wonder. Do you think he will regret his decision? How do I move on from this? I have considered that perhaps he met someone else or is interested in another woman, a “shiny object.” But I dont even know when he would have had the time to do it. We are always together and just days ago he was ready to book a vacation next month with me...

[JimmyNYC]

Hi Citydweller. Sorry to hear about your breakup. I know it is painful. First, just a clarification question. How long did you date him?

 

I don't have any good answers to your questions and am not sure anyone else can answer them either. It would just be all speculation on our end. The only one that can answer those questions is him. However, it is unlikely that even if you asked him he would give you the truth. But it definitely seems to be a pattern for him. He turns it on and off when he needs to. As much as he can show you his love and woo you, he can also just turn it off and turn away for some reason. I would see the breakup as a blessing in disguise. The pattern WILL repeat if you go back to him. Stay away and stay no contact.

 

There are posts all over this board of people's breakup stories and many of them follow the same pattern. everything was going great and then suddenly the other person went cold for some mysterious reason and then broke up. What happened? Is there someone else? Was there something I did wrong? We need answers. I know how bad it sucks. Trust me, I just went through my own breakup. Unfortunately we are left with a lot of unanswered questions. It seems all we can do is talk out our frustration, understand the stages of grieving we are going through, lean on friends for support, stay busy, and move on.

 

Here is an article that may be helpful.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup

Edited November 18, 2017 by JimmyNYC