ovin8998 Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 Hello everybody, My girlfriend and I started dating last November and everything was perfect until a couple of months in the relationship. The main problem is me, I'm that type of guy that when there is a problem, I shut down and don't want to talk about it right away, I'll talk about it after I have cooled down later in the day or night. She's never liked that and I would always make excuses for my behavior and apologize but she would want to break up with me every time we had an argument about anything. I really have tried to change and it has gotten slightly better but not to the point where its not an issue anymore. And that's basically all we fight about because everything else is great. This past month she just made a friend and started hanging out with her a lot but I don't like this girl because she's single and is always trying to find guys to go home with when we go out with her. I don't want to tell my girlfriend not to hang out with her because she likes her and she's her only friend. Last Saturday we fought about something and I shut down again at a club and she broke up with me that night. I tried everything to fix it, I surprised her at work with flower and put "I love you" sticky notes all over her motorcycle at work and she loved it. I gave her some beats headphones, and I bought her a picture collage frame with some of our pictures. Keep in mind this was all for her birthday on the 15th, 2 days ago. In the end she said she needed space and time to reconsider us because she's tired of me shutting down. I'm a sensitive guy and she really isn't so I'm the one usually crying when she tries to break up with me. I'm not sure if its still worth it to keep fighting for this relationship or if I'm just wasting my time with her.
Blanco Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 Shutting down in the face of conflict is not good, but neither is threatening to break up or actually breaking up every time there's conflict. 1
Highndry Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 If she wants to break up, it's over. It's no longer up to you to fight for it. I don't really understand the "shutting down" thing. Are you pouting or something? And you mention you cry during these fights. I have to tell you, that's a REALLY bad look for a guy. Seriously, women don't want that crap. They want a guy who's strong. I'd recommend working on what's causing you to be so emotional, because otherwise that's a death sentence for a relationship with a woman. It's like a role reversal or something.
CC12 Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 It seems like this comes down to an issue of incompatibility. She's told you what she needs from you, and you haven't been able to provide it. Whether or not what she's asking for is unhealthy, I'm not sure. Generally, I think people should be able to take a moment if they're too emotional for a confrontation. You can shut down if you need to, but you still have to treat your partner with respect. If you did this at a club, I imagine it was embarrassing for her if you were ignoring her or making it obvious you were mad. Have you fought about her being friends with this new person? Why did you include this in your post?
HumanMachine Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 Rather than trying to buy her back, why don’t you work on your own issues instead? 1
basil67 Posted November 18, 2017 Posted November 18, 2017 Let's roll back to the actual fights. Perhaps they are horrible fights and it's perfectly understandable that you'd need to lick your wounds. Or are they little things which get blown out of all proportion? What do you fight over and what do your fights look like?
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