joanavarelamaia Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) What are ways narcissists use social media to get your attention or play mind games? My covert narc dumped me, but proceeded to contact me several times, messaging and calling and even talking about our special day (the day we met) but he never mentioned getting back together. At some point I was fed up with this (i dont think its normal for you to dump someone and have this kind of behaviour, I would understand if I was the one who did the dumping) I called him, very cold, and told him to leave me alone because I needed to move on. After I told him to leave me alone, he stopped contacting me but will like random pictures of me, he mentioned me in comments, put up photos I took of him while we were still dating, and even followed my best friend on instagram (after being broken up), and likes all of my girlfriends pictures, and puts interest in all the events I say I'm going to. Even my girlfriends noticed that. Is this normal narcissist behaviour? I know it shouldn't matter what he does. I think I'm just trying to rationalize things so I can prepare myself for what's coming. I'm afraid he will show up at those events, I didn't even know he could see that.. Edited November 17, 2017 by joanavarelamaia
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Umm, I don't think narcism has anything to do with this. It just sounds like every other couple who broke up yet still are active and friend/follow each other online. It's borderline creepy if you ask me but it's not my life. Rather than try and diagnose this guy why not just block him / delete him so you don't have to endure his passive aggressive attempts at trolling you? Seems simple to me. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 People tend to throw around the term "narcissist" when someone is behaving in a way they don't like. My cousin calls everyone who has ever wronged her a "narc." I agree with Michelle....why not just block him? 3
Highndry Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 People tend to throw around the term "narcissist" when someone is behaving in a way they don't like. My cousin calls everyone who has ever wronged her a "narc." I agree with Michelle....why not just block him? Totally agree. And what's a "covert narc?" This is the first time I've heard that. 2
Zahara Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 I know it shouldn't matter what he does. I think I'm just trying to rationalize things so I can prepare myself for what's coming. I'm afraid he will show up at those events, I didn't even know he could see that.. Then block him. You label him a narcissist yet chose to allow him access into your life. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 I don't interact with mine except through email if I need reimbursement from tuition or medical expenses for our children but I'm not friends with him online any more than I'm friends with him in real life which is ZERO 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Totally agree. And what's a "covert narc?" This is the first time I've heard that. Back in my day a covert narc was every new kid we got in school....we were convinced they were all "narcs." Covert narcs! 2
marky00 Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Umm, I don't think narcism has anything to do with this. It just sounds like every other couple who broke up yet still are active and friend/follow each other online. It's borderline creepy if you ask me but it's not my life. Rather than try and diagnose this guy why not just block him / delete him so you don't have to endure his passive aggressive attempts at trolling you? Seems simple to me. disagree. It is narcissistic behavior. If a dumper doesn't care for a dumpee, they definitely wouldn't spend time trying to get a rise out of a dumpee. When I have ended things with a girl, I wouldn't dream of playing games with her on social media. Out of respect to her, I would leave her alone because I know how crappy it is to be a dumpee. You must know some very weird couples because of none of my friends do any of that crap when they break up.
marky00 Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Totally agree. And what's a "covert narc?" This is the first time I've heard that. Its a narc that is more passive than aggressive I suppose. They tend to hide under the guise of liking to internalize things (introverts) but still process things like narcs do. Classic narcs tend to just say and feel whatever they want in real time without caring about the consequences. Check this video out on narcs. This guy understands them perfectly:
Author joanavarelamaia Posted November 17, 2017 Author Posted November 17, 2017 People tend to throw around the term "narcissist" when someone is behaving in a way they don't like. My cousin calls everyone who has ever wronged her a "narc." I agree with Michelle....why not just block him? If you see my other threads it will become clear to you why I say he is a covert narc. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/640753-what-hell-going-here I've never experienced something like this. We have a lot of mutual friends and im afraid blocking will cause him to start a smear campaign against me or that it will encourage him to become agressive. He is and always was the typical "I want what I can't have".. he would bad mouth even his closest friends when we were together.. i dont know. even if i block him, i have a public photography account and he can still see it anyway or through our mutual friends. im just trying to rationalize things, I thought I was going crazy because he would always tell me that, multiple times. And seeing his behaviour now, after some time has passed has been making me realize the hell I went through.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 If you see my other threads it will become clear to you why I say he is a covert narc. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/640753-what-hell-going-here I've never experienced something like this. We have a lot of mutual friends and im afraid blocking will cause him to start a smear campaign against me or that it will encourage him to become agressive. He is and always was the typical "I want what I can't have".. he would bad mouth even his closest friends when we were together.. i dont know. even if i block him, i have a public photography account and he can still see it anyway or through our mutual friends. im just trying to rationalize things, I thought I was going crazy because he would always tell me that, multiple times. And seeing his behaviour now, after some time has passed has been making me realize the hell I went through. If you truly want him to stop, you need to block him and if he starts harassing you, get a restraining order. What did you mean in your other thread about his "weird friendships?"
basil67 Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Can we stop throwing around mental health diagnoses like we're some type of experts? It not only perpetuates the stigma of mental health issues but confuses the public about what NPD really is. Unless he has a diagnosis, we have no business usign a psychiatric label. When I've broken up with people, we have still showed interest in each other's lives until we slowly drifted apart. Granted, what you're describing is all happening on social media (we didn't have social media last time I broke up) but the concept is still the same. I don't see his behaviour as being wrong. However, you don't want him interacting with you either directly or indirectly. His failure to respect your wishes doesn't mean that he has a psychiatric personality disorder. (and yes, I've read your other thread too) It just means that he's disregarding what you want for whatever reasons he has. If you don't like what he's doing, then block him. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Can we stop throwing around mental health diagnoses like we're some type of experts? It not only perpetuates the stigma of mental health issues but confuses the public about what NPD really is. Unless he has a diagnosis, we have no business usign a psychiatric label. When I've broken up with people, we have still showed interest in each other's lives until we slowly drifted apart. Granted, what you're describing is all happening on social media (we didn't have social media last time I broke up) but the concept is still the same. I don't see his behaviour as being wrong. However, you don't want him interacting with you either directly or indirectly. His failure to respect your wishes doesn't mean that he has a psychiatric personality disorder. (and yes, I've read your other thread too) It just means that he's disregarding what you want for whatever reasons he has. If you don't like what he's doing, then block him. Thank you for this. "bi-polar" and "ADD" are often phrases thrown around to describe others as well and it makes me cringe. 1
Author joanavarelamaia Posted November 17, 2017 Author Posted November 17, 2017 Can we stop throwing around mental health diagnoses like we're some type of experts? It not only perpetuates the stigma of mental health issues but confuses the public about what NPD really is. Unless he has a diagnosis, we have no business usign a psychiatric label. When I've broken up with people, we have still showed interest in each other's lives until we slowly drifted apart. Granted, what you're describing is all happening on social media (we didn't have social media last time I broke up) but the concept is still the same. I don't see his behaviour as being wrong. However, you don't want him interacting with you either directly or indirectly. His failure to respect your wishes doesn't mean that he has a psychiatric personality disorder. (and yes, I've read your other thread too) It just means that he's disregarding what you want for whatever reasons he has. If you don't like what he's doing, then block him. I've attended psychotherapy for 5 years for dealing with past trauma, and i've read multiple books and articles about various disorders to try to understand them. I like reading and learning about psychology. Ok we should not label people before a psychiatric label, but both my father and my grandmother were narcissists (that's why I went to therapy for) and i would see similar behaviors between the three of them. I'm not saying he is a full blown narc, but he showed multiple symptoms. I understand now, that it was probably what attracted me to him in the first place (daddy issues). This behavior during and after the breakup was just a piece of the whole puzzle of strange behaviors. I broke up with others before, and i am friends with 2 of my exes, but none of them were like this or had this kind of behavior. I've never had to block someone.
Author joanavarelamaia Posted November 17, 2017 Author Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) If you truly want him to stop, you need to block him and if he starts harassing you, get a restraining order. What did you mean in your other thread about his "weird friendships?" His relationship with his 2 closest friends were very strange. they were "bros" but it was so superficial and they would bad mouth each other to other people, including me. My boyfriend didn't open up to them, he didn't trust them, but were always hanging out and behaving like best friends forever. One is a womanizer, only likes to party hard, and when his friends didn't do what he wanted to do, he would stop talking to them (silent treatment) to control them. he has been arrested for selling drugs, and for being an accomplice in a murder case and before I came in, he was literally my ex boyfriend's girlfriend, even his sister found their relationship strange. they would do everything together, they would call each other multiple times during the day, and even caress each other, they would go out, get drunk and do drugs, every weekend. He had almost nobody besides my boyfriend and the other guy, because no one would want to be with him. he was very aggressive and was always starting fights and creating drama. when I came in and my boyfriend started spending more and more time with me he became very jealous. But he was so manipulative, so charming when he wanted. he controled them. My ex even asked me one time "do you think is psychological stronger than me?" which I answered a big YEES. the other was a guy with a very low self esteem, with a crazy girlfriend that treated him like ****, and that basically did everything my boyfriend and his other friend wanted. Edited November 17, 2017 by joanavarelamaia
stillafool Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Just block him and stop spying on his social media. 2
marky00 Posted November 17, 2017 Posted November 17, 2017 Can we stop throwing around mental health diagnoses like we're some type of experts? It not only perpetuates the stigma of mental health issues but confuses the public about what NPD really is. Unless he has a diagnosis, we have no business usign a psychiatric label. I don't need a shrink to tell me what issues my partner has or had. I go with my gut based on my own observations. If you ever date a true narc, you'll be amazed how the traits associated with narcs come through 100 percent when you have been with one. Stigma of mental health issues lol. Really. I live in the real world and many people have mental health issues. I can just imagine a narc seeking therapy and then having the grace to tell his/her partner they were diagnosed as a narc. Haha.... now that's funny. Imagine the narc chatting up his/her prospective partner ..... "oh, I just wanted to tell you I have been diagnosed as a narcissist, just giving you the heads up"
Recommended Posts