lostinmymind Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Well, today is kind of a bad day. I've been doing really well for the last couple weeks, and then today I wake up, take a shower, and it just hits me like a ton of bricks how much I miss her. It's just so painful! We started talking in a friendly way awhile back. She was really nice and acted like she cared. Now she's getting all weird again so I'm keeping my distance. She's stressed out from moving to college soon, I just don't think she should take it out on me. Either way I'm trying to ignore it. It just makes me sad how she acts like we don't have a past and she acts like she is disgusted by me. I feel like she is saying "you are old news I found someone way better", but that's probably all in my head. She also just doesn't appreciate the love I had for her. I don't think she can grasp how much I care. She treats me like the enemy. She thinks the world revolves around her! Somehow, she finds a way to make it seem like everything in my life is motivated by her. I guess (unfortunately) some things still are, but not everything! The other night someone put vaseline all over her windshield and did other things to her car. She had the nerve to call and ask me "what did you do last night?" It sickens me that she would ever think I would do something like that, and I let her know that. I just want her to at least APPRECIATE what I felt for her and APPRECIATE me as a person. I was good to her, I never did her harm, I was supportive, I made her laugh. Yet, she seems to put all that at the back of her mind and focus only on these dilusional negatives. She feels like I had her trapped, but it was all in her head, she trapped herself. I never kept her from having freedom, I encouraged her to do things without me whenever she wanted to. I'm just mad because she has all these thoughts in her head about me, and they aren't true. Is she just trying to justify breaking up with me or what!? Oh well, I know she is really unhappy. She thinks everyone is against her. I think she is a little jealous that I'm happy with my life right now without her (at least that is the image I project). If only she would realize the world doesn't revolve around her and that not everyone is focused on her, she could be happy. I just hate that someone so wonderful can get stuck in this trap of being so self-absorbed. She tries sooo hard to win everyone's approval, when all she has to do is be herself. She tries so hard it makes her look like an idiot and makes people not like her. I say bad things, but I miss her! I want to help her through these problems so bad, but I can't. She's the only one who can figure this **** out! Sorry I just had to rant! Don't tell me I need to stop thinking about her, I know that! lol I'm really doing fairly good, today is just a bad day.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 No new contacts = No new hurts. It won't be easy, but all you are accomplishing by maintaining contact with her is hurting yourself. If you go to 'no contact' and by that, I mean complete no contact it will be like ripping off the mother of all band-aids, taking huge chunks of flesh with it when you rip it off - but with time, and willpower to maintain zero contact you will slowly begin to be able to let go of her in your heart - and with more time you'll find that you aren't putting much time into considering what she is or is not thinking about you, and moreover you eventually won't care either.
Author lostinmymind Posted August 19, 2005 Author Posted August 19, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia No new contacts = No new hurts. It won't be easy, but all you are accomplishing by maintaining contact with her is hurting yourself. If you go to 'no contact' and by that, I mean complete no contact it will be like ripping off the mother of all band-aids, taking huge chunks of flesh with it when you rip it off - but with time, and willpower to maintain zero contact you will slowly begin to be able to let go of her in your heart - and with more time you'll find that you aren't putting much time into considering what she is or is not thinking about you, and moreover you eventually won't care either. I agree that is really good advice. Unfortunately, it's not possible in my situation in the short term..or anytime in the next 8 months. There is absolutely NO way of going no contact with her, due to living arrangments. I can actually see a future with me and her together, right now though, she and I just both need to go and do other things. I care about her very much and I hope she finds solutions to her problems. It's sad when you can see that someone is creating their own problems and could easily just change their attitude, but they don't see it. If we get back together then great, if we don't well then I will find someone just as good or better. I'll remain in contact and be friendly with her (as I will be seeing her often in person), but I refuse to let our relationship settle into 'friendship'. I'm already feeling better today, this morning was just horrible I don't know what really got into me. I'm much stronger about all of this than I came across with in the email.
Rocko Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Growing doesn't happen overnight. Stick to the "plan" from the previous thread. I'll agree with you on the highs and lows though, sometimes it just plain sucks. Honestly, I think you should just laugh this off. It just means you've freed yourself from the constraints of your previous relationship with her and are growing and maturing. She's scared of losing you. Remember, she'll only come back once she's grown and matured enough to realize that you might possibly be the right one for her. Be happy, it just means you're making progress. (Remember the "Pulling the Safety Net from Under Her" You mentioned in another post? Bingo.) Oh and about accusing the vasoline thing...she needs to apologize for that. Otherwise forget her. You and your heart are both valuable and deserve to be respected. Ever heard of "I hate you because I love you?"
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